When there is a huge gap between the actual marital life and the romantic perfection of dreams, it is understandable that some people begin to escape, become bored, and fear.
Story 1:
Male, 34 years old, sales manager of a foreign enterprise
My friends around me are deeply suspicious of me. They feel that there is no abnormality in my physical and mental posture, that my conditions are excellent in all aspects, and that the girls who request further contacts are also good. Why do they refuse them again and again? In fact, I am not refusing, I simply have a fear of marriage. I fear that after marriage, I will become a money making machine to support my family and listen to my wife.
Women are pretty cute before they get married, and they change their faces as soon as they get married. "They originally had many ambitions and ideals, but in the name of marriage, they began to be short-sighted and interested only in the land they lived on. They took the teaching of their husbands as a compulsory course for men for the rest of their lives.". I'm used to being at ease outside the gate of marriage, and I don't want to suffer in a "school" run by women!
Story 2:
Female, 23 years old, tour guide
When I was a child, the deepest memory was the daily quarrels of my parents. I couldn't see any respect for each other in them. I always thought they had ruined their holy marriage with their betrayal, and were also torturing themselves. Finally, I had to get rid of the bitter sea through divorce. After breaking up, my parents gave me more love to comfort me. However, children who grew up in the ruined capital of marriage, no matter how rich they are in material terms, cannot sew up the cracks in their hearts. For marriage, I have rosy dreams like other girls. But there is one thing I am steadfast in, I will not repeat the mistakes of my parents' marriage.
I get along very well with my current boyfriend, and I am even more intoxicated with the joy of youth and love. Of course, I'm not just a girl who loves recklessly. Although I keep saying that I can exchange a lot of youth for real love, I'm not very sentimental, but I have a knot in my heart that I can't unravel. It's hidden in a corner of my heart that even I don't want to touch.
Men's fear of marriage
Male cavity
Mr. Han: 39-year-old manager
In fact, men do not want to get married, but the timing is not yet ripe. "Because Chinese men value face very much, marriage is the most important thing in a person's life, so it must be grand and never careless.".
There are many reasons why men do not want to get married, such as: to get married, they must prepare for the wedding, arrange filming, choose a registration date, salute, entertain relatives and friends at a grand banquet, honeymoon travel, and so on. A man does enough work to tell his relatives and friends in action that he has found the most suitable lifelong partner. And doing these things will definitely cost a lot of money. If men's financial abilities fail to cope with the entire wedding, they will not act rashly. By the time a man is capable, it may have been several years. No wonder women feel that men are reluctant to marry.
There are many free and easy men who always dislike things that are troublesome and subject to any constraints. Marriage is a prison for them because they feel that after marriage they will be controlled by their wife. "There are many things that she will approve before marriage, but after marriage, her wife will restrict him on many things, such as having to go home on time every day, and even not approving chatting with friends in a bar.". For those who advocate freedom, married life is not for them.
In the eyes of men, some women can only become girlfriends, but cannot become the opposite wife day and night. In fact, every man has a fixed position in his mind about the object of marriage. If his girlfriend fails to meet his ideal object, they will actively request marriage only when they find an ideal object in their mind.
Of course, some men who decide to marry early because their girlfriend is pregnant are not included in the discussion above.
The Transformation of Fear of Marriage and Hate of Marriage
Female key
Ms. Xiu: 32-year-old teacher
Women who fear marriage think too much about the consequences of the ritual of "marrying", fearing the kind of life that "marrying" will bring. They often feel that compared to the loneliness they currently endure, their inability to cope with marriage is even more frightening.
Most women who only want to get married have no idea what marriage is all about, and their yearning for the ritual of "marrying" far exceeds their yearning for the outcome of marriage - marriage. That is to say, what they call wanting to get married is just wanting to get married, not the married life after marriage.
Women who fear marriage are more likely to be favored by men than women who hate marriage. Because men feel relaxed and comfortable in this relationship without marital pressure in the early stages of dating women. But once he reaches the point where he wants to talk about marriage, his patience with a woman who refuses to marry is extremely limited. A woman hesitates to marry him. The first thing he thinks about is whether the woman loves him or not. The contradiction between men is that on the one hand, they desire women to love them until they are happy to marry, and on the other hand, they are strongly afraid of the constraints of marriage. What they need is that his love for this woman is enough to think of marriage, and that this woman's constraints on him are just right. However, the paradox is that women who are able to control their restraint are often women who hate marriage.
Women who fear marriage are actually idealists who expect a perfect life. In fact, any kind of life has to pay a price, there is gain, there is loss, there is no choice to get more, just which is more important to you. The reason why many women hold a conservative attitude towards single life is that they have taken the shortcomings of this kind of life as the norm, so marriage life appears to be plagued by disasters. In fact, getting married requires only the courage to change your life, not the happiness you need to pay for it. There is no situation where single life is happier than married life.
People who hate marriage have accumulated some experience of failure, and many women will turn to thinking about what marriage is all about? Why do men fear marriage? There is a great possibility that they have changed from those who hate marriage to those who fear marriage. People who are afraid of marriage for a long time have lost the opportunity to marry, and they begin to hate why they don't have the courage to marry, becoming another level of those who hate marriage - why they dare not marry.