Post Date December, 03 2023
The disharmony between hearts is the root cause of conflicts, which often leads to the breakdown of marriage and the divorce of couples. However, divorce is not directly caused by psychological conflicts, it is just a "fuse". When the conflict between husband and wife reaches a certain point and cannot be reconciled, divorce will be used as an end.
Therefore, psychological conflicts play a significant role in marriage. Specifically, there are three types of psychological conflicts that promote divorce.
Contradiction 1: The gap between husband and wife's values is large
Conflicts caused by inconsistent values are fundamental, such as the philosophy of life, perceptions of happiness, achievement, and meaning in life, and the goals pursued in life. "If couples are inconsistent in these aspects and believe that they are absolutely right, while the other person is always" wrong, "they will accuse each other and run counter to each other in behavior when encountering related problems in life.".
Whether inconsistent values lead to marital conflict depends on two factors: 1. The greater the degree of inconsistency, the stronger the conflict that results; 2. Adjustable degree: When one or both parties have strong tolerance and flexibility, inconsistency can gradually decrease and acceptance can gradually increase.
Contradiction 2: The Separation of "Self"
The alienation of "self" manifests itself in the following aspects: acting on its own in terms of interests, and having different basic interests. For the purpose of union, love each other for their own needs, not for their dedication; Gradually flat in emotions, even when transformed into friendship, it is also volatile and unstable; Insist on what you have seen and do not give in to each other when disputes arise; In terms of evaluation criteria, the behavior of other people should be taken as the yardstick, rather than the internal standards as the yardstick; In terms of psychotherapy functions, when the other party is in pain and distress, they do not provide psychological comfort or help the other party alleviate psychological tension; In terms of psychological adaptation, the coordination process of the relationship between the two parties is slow, and it is extremely difficult to reach a harmonious state.
Contradiction 3: Couples' "Desire and Dissatisfaction"
Demand dissatisfaction includes the following aspects: self worth is not recognized by the other party, and self-esteem is damaged; The sexual requirements of one or both parties are not met; The legitimate emotional needs of one or both parties, such as tenderness and consideration, are not met; "One partner in a husband and wife is drinking excessively, indulging in libido, or having other excessive demands, resulting in excessive family expenses and inability to make ends meet;"; One side is too extravagant, leading to family material security issues; The needs of both parties in daily life are different, and there are differences in the purchase of daily appliances and the expenses required by each party; There are different needs and interests in rest, leisure, hobbies, and entertainment activities.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
