Post Date December, 03 2023
Q:
I feel like I have married into an abnormal family. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have been separated for a long time, and my sister-in-law has divorced twice and brought a daughter. My husband has a short marriage history.
I originally thought that as long as my husband and I fell in love, it would be enough. I didn't care about his family situation, but when I entered his family with great longing for marriage, (we lived with our mother-in-law after marriage), it left me with mixed feelings.
Firstly, my mother-in-law's provocation caused me to lose balance. When she was alone with me, she always mentioned how beautiful and wealthy my husband's ex-wife was. Then my mother-in-law began to dislike me for not being fashionable enough and not being a good person. Anyway, there was a lot of dissatisfaction!
I can bear the attitude of my mother-in-law, but now even my husband has begun to be indifferent to me. We should have gone to honeymoon, but my mother-in-law said that we could not empty a room when we just got married, but she let her husband accompany her to Beijing once, so I said that my husband and mother-in-law went to honeymoon. Anyway, my husband always stands on the side of my mother-in-law, everything is my fault.
I am lost now and don't know how to continue this marriage. Before my husband got married, he was not like this at all. He was obedient and considerate to me, but after getting married, it made me feel very painful. I used to see my husband as my support, hoping he could understand and care about me, but his performance now really makes me feel cold.
During this time, I also tried to work hard because I believe our relationship did not die, it was just a small misunderstanding. But no matter how hard I tried, I was ultimately "destroyed" by my mother-in-law. Teacher, what should I do now?
Answer:
The mother-in-law's mentality is because she has been raising her children through hard work, and since she and your father-in-law have been separated for a long time, their children have become her center of gravity. Therefore, once an outsider intervenes, they will see each other as enemies and fear that the "enemy" will take away the love of their children.
So at this point, you may want to put yourself in a different position. Firstly, don't expect too much from your mother-in-law, try to see her strengths, and secondly, discover areas worth learning from for younger generations.
In addition, you also need to find a time to have a good conversation with your husband. After all, you both love each other and listen to his inner thoughts. It's also very troublesome to believe that he is trapped between you and his mother. Therefore, you can first express your understanding and understanding of him, making him feel that you are not a person who cares too much. Afterwards, you can objectively explain the contradiction between you and your mother-in-law. If there is something you did not do well, then take the initiative to admit your mistake. If you feel that your mother-in-law is wrong, then gently express your dissatisfaction. If you are unsure how to communicate appropriately, you can practice and communicate with our consultant first.
In short, the family should communicate well and avoid direct conflicts with their mother-in-law as much as possible. The most important thing is to grasp the husband's heart until the point is reached, and some things require him to communicate with his mother-in-law.
