Recently, an article on Weibo about marriage has been reposted tens of thousands of times in a day, and many people agree with it because it bluntly states: "Men receive much more benefits from marriage than women, while women receive little, even no, or even negative..." However, is the purpose of marriage to obtain "benefits"? How to "evaluate" the efforts and gains of the couple? What benefits can various calculations about marriage bring to us in the end?
Xiaozuo (female), 33 year old designer
What exactly is getting married for? "This is a question that I have never figured out, and it may be because of this that I am" left "until now. As for whether getting married is cost-effective, I think such a question alone will only lead me further away from marriage. If anything, including emotions, can be measured in terms of cost-effectiveness, then it's best for us to end our lives alone, because what's even less cost-effective than marriage is probably having children - endless effort, and no return can be expected. Filial piety is an additional surprise, and there are many people who abuse their parents.
Speaking of marriage itself, it is true that to this day, like many so-called "older leftover women", I am already financially independent and spiritually free, and I do not expect to rely on any man to improve my life. I can support myself and have various exciting pastimes in my leisure time. The daily necessities of marriage seem like a burden. However, I still look forward to meeting someone who understands how to support each other, and I believe that when two people have independent souls and economic status together, it is easier to avoid the idea of relying on marriage to improve the quality of life. That way, I won't constantly complain about giving too much and getting too little, like a millennium old resentful woman. I am still waiting for that soul mate on my journey, and I think he is also waiting. If there are too many calculations in this waiting process... you know, the other party is not a fool, and using calculations to exchange is still calculation, not sincerity. Therefore, I think I am willing to take a little risk, after all, sincerity can exchange for sincerity.
Benson (male) 30 year old psychological counselor
Due to professional reasons, it is often a bit numb to see too many human emotions, and it is not easy to maintain the initial curiosity and sensitivity. And after listening to the roast of those friends who failed in marriage, they gradually realized a set of "happy marriage philosophy". Marriage actually requires faith and a common value system as the cornerstone of marriage. If both parties have different opinions on the value and significance of marriage, it can be really painful.
In a city like Shanghai, there are indeed many girls who consider "getting married well" as a career, so various bizarre stories are also common. I have also seen the article that said that it is not cost-effective for women to get married. From a psychological perspective, the woman who wrote such an article is likely to suffer great misfortune in marriage, and her mentality will also make her continue to go further and further on the path of misfortune. Of course, there may also be exceptions, that is, if two people treat marriage as a transaction, they can also have fun in each other's games and calculations, find a balance of interests, and perhaps maintain surface harmony, each taking what they need to live on.
To put it more bluntly, men who are slightly "high-quality" are popular in the current "marriage market". If a girl keeps saying that "marriage is not cost-effective" and hopes that a man will either bow down to her or improve her quality of life with a good family income, then the man's requirements for you are naturally not low. I have seen too many girls who cannot make a correct estimate of their partner's value, how they leave themselves to hastily marry someone in the end. This is the so-called "too clever a trick, only to fall into a lifetime of misfortune"
The idea of using marriage as a springboard and a transaction is not new, but there are not many men willing to be the "big losers". I remember Zhang Ailing's extremely harsh question about Bai Liuyuan in "Love in a Fallen City": "You think marriage is long-term prostitution" - generally, all people who calculate economic benefits and pay returns in marriage, regardless of gender, There is more or less suspicion of this.
As a writer once said, the path of life is dark and long, and only a soul mate can illuminate our future. Women who want to find long-term meal tickets and men who want to find free nannies have planted a huge ticking time bomb scenario in their marriage from the very beginning. If they want to complain that the other party can't stand it, it is really naive and not suitable for marriage.