For many people, finding a good partner is difficult. They always seem to meet the 'wrong person'. Yes, they keep dating, but each time they get stuck in an unsatisfactory relationship.
In my opinion, this is determined by the following 5 reasons.
1. Expect love that doesn't belong to them
Some people are obsessed with the feeling of pursuing. They love to try forbidden fruits. They often love people who do not pay attention to them, have no interest in them, or even are bad.
This is human nature, and we all have a habit of liking things that do not belong to us. This phenomenon is known as "scarcity makes things precious". We always believe that the more rare and rare it is, the more valuable it is. However, this is not always the case.
Some people are always unable to find the right person because of this "rare for precious" trap. Always pursuing people who don't belong to us is sometimes a manifestation of 'self' (I want to tell them that I am really great!); Sometimes it's a sign of low self-esteem (what can I do to make her love me)?
The antidote: Stop chasing blindly. No one is truly worth pursuing with all their might. What you need to find is someone who is just right for you.
2. Being biased and narrowing down one's choices
People often get hurt in love. So, they had to choose some ways to protect themselves. They found two ways to avoid disappointment and harm.
One is that they have low expectations of themselves and always find excuses for their failures. In psychology, this phenomenon is called "self handicapping".
In another case, they do not have high expectations of others and gain a sense of superiority by belittling others. This is called 'pre judgment'.
Both of these biases can lead to problematic relationships. It makes it impossible for oneself to see a truly good object.
The antidote: Forget the past and keep your eyes wide open to see the people around you. In fact, most people are pretty good, and they are also looking for a reliable love story like you.
3. Feeling that love is destined
For most people, dating is a process of trial and error. Finally, they find someone who attracts them, suits them, and is also interested in them. These all require energy and effort.
But there are also some people who identify more with the power of fate. They feel that love is not in their control, and they will not put in too much effort for it. They believe that they will always encounter a soul mate who truly loves them.
In fact, these beliefs often make these people very picky and even refuse some decent partners. In the process of pursuing love, they become passive. Finally, they also lack a sense of control over love in their lives. So, whenever they encounter an imperfect object, they will feel disappointed.
The antidote: Find a good partner, but don't expect them to be perfect. Compared to TA, there are always better or worse people. The best thing is to find a relatively suitable person, those who are willing to cooperate with you, and work with them to make appropriate changes for each other. Yes, it doesn't sound so romantic. But that's more reliable!
4. Don't know what you want
Dating is a process, in which we often pursue feelings. But beyond feeling, you are still looking for a suitable partner. The most important thing is to make each other feel satisfied. So, dating often becomes like an interview again.
Some people, without knowing what they want, fall into a relationship. They let their emotions run wild and claim to be 'enjoying this journey'. However, if you really want to reach a certain destination in your heart (marriage, children), what's important is that you need a "map"! Instead of wandering around and always finding someone who is not suitable for you.
The antidote: Understand what you want and how to find it. Think about where you can find the person you want. Please continue to enjoy the feeling of dating! But don't forget your goals.
5. A failed transaction
All relationships, including love, are based on a mutual exchange. In other words, we enter a relationship for the sake of trading - the process of satisfying each other's needs, giving and taking from each other.
A healthy relationship means equal transactions between both parties. Both parties can feel satisfied. But some people cannot achieve balance in their relationships! Some people like to give blindly, and in the end, they feel cheated, unappreciated, and even exploited. Some people hold themselves high and blindly demand. Once others cannot satisfy them, they also feel frustrated.
The antidote: honest self-evaluation. You need to clearly see your efforts in a relationship. Both parties must maintain a certain level of equality. The kind of relationship that is always on one side should be avoided.
In order to find the truly suitable partner, we should refuse to pursue those wrong partners, put aside our own biases, no longer rely on fate's arrangements, and think clearly about what we really want. By paying attention to these issues, you may find a good partner faster!