Post Date April, 15 2023
My husband and his ex-wife had a bad relationship for many years. After quarreling with each other for many years, he fell out with their unit. The man wanted to sue him, so he agreed to divorce his ex-wife and gave all his property to his ex-wife. But everyone said they didn't know about their divorce. Only his mother and sister knew about it, and later they knew me. "Because we were very congenial, we married and had a child. We had a good time until last spring when his father became ill. I wanted to go to the hospital to visit him, but I refused to let me go. I pleaded that it was not good for me to go to the hospital because I was pregnant, so I obeyed and didn't go. However, I later learned that his ex-wife and their girl had been in the hospital, so I wasn't allowed to go until his father died.". "It's important not to let me go back with my current child during the Chinese New Year. I feel the problem is quite serious and have been asking him to clarify with his ex-wife. He has always refused to say anything that might harm his ex-wife. He has also said that he needs to wait until the child finishes the college entrance exam, and that he stays with me every day. It doesn't matter if he doesn't say anything, but there are various excuses.".
A few days ago, I sent the family photo and wedding photo taken with my family of three and my mother-in-law to his ex-wife through someone else's mobile phone number. Then she started making trouble, calling all my husband's relatives to scold them, and then going to my husband and my unit to make trouble, saying I broke his family, and so on. I was very aggrieved, and I couldn't explain it clearly. He made conditions with my husband, first, divorce and I had a relationship; The second is to go to our two units and make trouble with his hometown. My husband has no choice now. His ex-wife also told his child that his child is now following his mother, but he was awarded to his father. Her child wants his father to go back, or break off the relationship. How can we solve the problem now, that is, how can my husband explain to his child? thank you.
"My situation is probably like this. To add, my husband cheated me before he got married. After this incident, he also said he should stabilize his ex-wife first, which means it's better to cheat him first. He even thought about divorce with me and said he could apply for a fake divorce certificate with me, so I'm a bit afraid now. He's cheating on me again on this matter, and he won't let his girl know that he's divorced his ex-wife, let alone that we're getting married.", His girl scolded me one by one, and I'm afraid that this matter won't be resolved properly, which will affect my children in the future. Also, he said he told his ex-wife about our marriage, but I don't believe him very much. Could you please help me solve this problem? I don't know how to handle it now, it's a bit tricky. thank you.
reply:
Your question reminds me of the TV drama "Husband's Spring" that I was watching recently. After Bian Gongxi and Ai Jiaojiao divorced, Ai Jiaojiao kept pestering Gong Xi and Mo Xiaoli's relationship, preventing Gong Xi from entering the next relationship. "I think it's the same for you, and it's certainly the same for your husband's ex-wife. Although they may have divorced, she's not willing to let her former man fall into the arms of another woman. This mentality lies in that she won't get a man she can't get herself, and it's more important that she doesn't want their common child to face a stepmother like you, who wants to preserve the integrity of her family in front of the children.". And your husband may also be facing such a dilemma, out of frustration, so he can only secretly develop feelings with you.
However, this is really unfair to you. If you get married openly, reasonably, and legally, you have the right to pursue your own happy marriage and complete family. Regarding the abuse of your ex husband's child towards you, you should ask your husband to make it clear to the child. This is not a hidden matter. Explain the truth to the child and openly announce your feelings. Let your husband and child say: "The love between father and mother no longer continues, but the love for you remains the same. Although Dad has formed a new family, he will not weaken his love for you in the slightest, as long as your husband does what he says,", "You also give love and understanding to this child, and this explanation will slowly be accepted by the child.".
As for your concern about your husband's distrust, I think if you love this man, you must trust him. Of course, this trust needs to be built on mutual understanding and behavior, including his commitment to you and how well he loves you. You will have a clear feeling for yourself. Now, the most important thing is for you to figure out whether the scale of your husband's love is leaning towards your ex wife or towards you? If you find him swaying from side to side, coaxing one side, and dealing with the other, without a clear principle of right and wrong, then such a man is not a responsible man, nor a man worthy of permanent trust. You need to reconsider your life's happiness.
