Anyone who enters a marriage has mutual respect and love, holding the idea of growing old together. However, infidelity constantly affects our marriage.
Many people believe that infidelity is a problem for cheaters, but things are both sides, and we should know the truth that a single slap cannot make a sound. The factors that lead to marital infidelity are actually bidirectional. So, what are the emotions that are most likely to derail in a couple's marriage?
A wife said to us, "My husband Zhang has been playing with his computer endlessly since he arrived home. One day, when I went to the bookstore to retrieve my wallet, my books and groceries fell to the ground. A kind-hearted man helped me lift the book and asked, 'Oh, do you really like classical novels?' A week later, I went to the bookstore and happened to meet him again.
The next day we talked for over three hours. Things always go from one thing to another, but to be honest, what drives our relationship is not sex, but conversation. For Zhang, I am just a reproductive machine, that's all between us. This loneliness is unbearable. "
If a person lacks intimate emotions in life and cannot find someone to share the big and small things in life. A sense of loneliness arises spontaneously. This sense of loneliness is precisely the main factor causing extramarital love.
A man said, "Although I've been thinking about other girlfriends for 11 years, I never really wanted to find an affair. One night, because my wife was out, I went to a party alone. A woman invited me to her place for a drink or two. At first, I was shocked and nervous, telling her that I couldn't go. But that thought kept stimulating me. Two days later, I called her and it happened
The temptation of external stimuli is the second common cause of infidelity between couples. After five or six years of marriage, the passion began to cool down, and daily life fell into a fixed pattern. Once free couples also had children, and sexual activity always took place at the same time and in the same way.
Extramarital love, on the other hand, provides many adventurous factors: flirting, chasing, danger, released emotions, and fear of being discovered.
3. Lack of communication
We heard a description of a marital dispute: 'I feel very angry that my husband Liu never helps take care of the children. I also have my own job, and what's frustrating is that taking care of household chores has become my own responsibility.'.
One Friday afternoon, he asked me what to eat for dinner, and I replied, 'Eat the northwest wind!' After listening, he became furious, and my anger grew even stronger. He ran out of the house and shouted, 'I don't need to endure this!' Later, he told me that he and his girlfriend had sex for the first time that night. "
Many couples lack awareness of the harmful ways of communication in their marital life, and they blame each other. As a result, emotions of anger and frustration permeate all aspects of life, especially sexual life. The establishment and maintenance of marital relationships are achieved through the exchange of thoughts and emotions, and sexual activity is the most important form of intimacy in emotional communication.
Ms. Li said to us, "We argue about sex, and my husband feels that it's always him who takes the initiative, so he's very unhappy. Indeed, he keeps his face on me all day, so I don't want to take the initiative at all. So he turns over and sleeps with him, and even in the morning, he doesn't pay attention to me
These destructive communication methods cause both parties to suffer greatly and create an increasingly strong sense of abandonment. Anger and verbal abuse, which are mutually attacking communication methods, permeate the entire marital life. A mother admitted, "He's driving me crazy, so I won't let him
A female lawyer complained that although she was holding her breath psychologically, she still had to constantly compromise on the surface. "When I go to work, I the final say, and I give advice to others. But at home, no matter what the facts are, my husband always thinks that he is always right and I am always wrong." Think about it, will a couple in such a relationship seek love and sexual relations outside of marriage?
It is much more difficult and takes longer to save a marriage that is on the brink of collapse than to destroy it and end it. But if you insist on trying to rebuild your relationship, regardless of whether an extramarital affair has occurred.
So in marriage, we should communicate more and learn to empathize with each other. Even if we make progress, we should take our wives with us to make progress together.
A good marriage requires two people to manage it together. If they don't solve each other's problems in a timely manner and instead pick on each other's problems, such a marriage cannot last long. Managing with heart, understanding, accommodating, and communicating more are the secrets of a long-lasting marriage that we all need to learn.