Q:
My husband and I are not college classmates, but the two schools are not far away. We met hand in hand at a friend party. My husband went to a famous school. He has always been a top student since childhood. He is very smart, but he is too introverted and not good at communication. This is probably the reason why he has not been promoted in his work.
We are now working in the same company and in different departments, my work has risen sharply, and soon became the backbone of the department, but he has been wandering at the grass-roots level. Maybe because of this, his mind is very different, and even a little self - deprecating. For his sake, I also found a lot of trusted leaders to release him, which seems to be of no use.
But before I could figure out a better way to release him, I accidentally found that he was in love with a girl on the Internet. At that moment, I suddenly fell into hell from heaven. I talked to him calmly, and he explained that because he always felt inferior to me in all aspects, he was very inferiority complex in front of me, and I always taught him to correct his shortcomings, so he wanted to be free and free from my bondage, I want to find a woman who can admire him and have a good relationship.
After listening to his explanation, I can't say anything. The strength of work ability is judged by the leader. I can't control it. Didn't I also try to help him out of the so-called inferiority complex? But can he take this as a reason for his cheating?
Now my heart is sad and angry. I even want to divorce him while I have no children. But I can't bear to think of the feelings we have accumulated before. How should I decide?
A:
Indeed, it is not easy to be a woman in modern society, especially to be an independent and powerful woman. I understand your entanglement and helplessness.
If you put aside the problem between you and your husband, let's just say that a woman's ability to marry a man is inferior to her. The combination of strong women and weak men may cause men to feel inferiority in front of women. Because men themselves love face and self-esteem, and men's dignity and status mostly come from their career. So if some men are not as good as women in their careers, especially in the same industry, they are more likely to lose face and even feel inferior. This inferiority complex will lead to his rebellious mentality, and he will gain a sense of achievement by taking possession of other women.
Of course, this can't be used as an excuse for cheating. The more reason lies in his inner imbalance. He treats his wife as a powerful enemy rather than a partner of appreciation and cooperation. It can be said that he is "looking for trouble", and he does not have a certain capacity to bear that his wife is better than him. Perhaps this is also one aspect of his immature and self-confident performance.
At present, you should calm down first, try to free yourself from anger and pain, and give him time to consider whether to divorce. If you want to change the current situation, you can carefully reflect on your husband's previous complaints and expose your shortcomings in front of him at the right time, so that he can realize that you are inferior to him and need him, and it is necessary to improve his understanding of self-worth.