The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law disagreed because there was a stupid man in the middle

Every married woman will encounter problems with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, two women have no relationship in the past few decades, just because they love a man together and become a family. Therefore, the mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship is not a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but a more complex triangular relationship than a triangular relationship.

Husbands who don't want to be stuck in a rut and want to have both a mother's deep love as the sea and a wife's passionate love as the fire, need to take a good look at this twelve precepts!

The first commandment: Don't have the concept of "all parents in the world"

Many husbands seem to have this concept and like to put it on their lips to show their respect for their parents and "filial piety.". Especially after the wife has been wronged by her mother, this sentence appears the most frequently. She knows that her mother is wrong, but she only dares to say to her: "There is no wrong parent in the world, and if she is not right, she is also my mother. Please bear it more!"! So the wives had nowhere to vent their grievances and had to secretly weep. In this kind of family, women lack the protection of their husbands, and their love for them gradually fades until they are disappointed in their marriage. They may even turn from forbearance to retaliation, ultimately leaving everyone in this relationship scarred.

The second precept: from the day of marriage, please actively wean yourself

Many men forget to change their roles after getting married, always thinking that they are still the darling of their parents. The most obvious sign is their unwillingness to live alone without their parents. His most grandiose reason is: I want to take care of my parents! Actually, he hasn't changed much since he got married. Where did he ever do anything for his mother? The wife doesn't dare to assign housework to herself in front of her mother. I am used to using my mother as my own mother, and allowing my mother to train my wife to become your paid nanny. Please think about it. Is your wife marrying you just to find someone to serve you, become an accessory to others, and be enslaved by others?

The third commandment is not to be afraid of being labeled as "unfilial" by others and losing the principle of being a person, and only obey the orders of your parents.

Under the influence of thousands of years of feudal ideology in China, "filial piety" has become a supreme virtue, and has become the biggest hat that parents can easily use to suppress their children. As long as the children do not listen to themselves or slightly contradict their opinions, parents will cry and scold, "You unfilial son, I raised you for nothing..."! Therefore, in order to maintain their "reputation" as "filial sons," men often abandon their principles of being human beings, regardless of right or wrong. Especially when there is a conflict between the wife and the mother, it is considered the responsibility of the wife to ignore the details and help the parents accuse the wife. In this situation, men do not maintain family harmony from a fair standpoint, but blindly demand that their wives endure humiliation and compromise to maintain the apparent peace of the family.

Fourth, please take the initiative to help your wife integrate into their own family, rather than helping them exclude her

There is a kind of man who, in order to appease their parents' resentment and anger when they are picky about their wife in front of them, agrees with their parents, saying that their wife is not good. Although you may not think so in your heart, it gives parents a psychological hint that you are not satisfied with your wife either, and your parents will become increasingly dissatisfied with their daughter-in-law, and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will occur more and more frequently. "When you tell your parents about your wife's bad behavior, you're stuck together with them, but it makes them reject her and treat her like an outsider.". The most hateful thing is to come with your wife and say, "Mind your own business in our family!"! If you both believe that your wife and you are not "one family", may your parents treat your daughter-in-law as one family?

The fifth commandment: If your mother and wife complain about each other in front of you, please do not use the microphone

As the saying goes, "A man who can cheat on both sides and a man who cannot cheat on both sides is extremely intelligent. He not only skillfully eliminates the dissatisfaction of two women with each other, but also helps them to please each other and promote harmony between their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.". Men who pass messages from both ends are very stupid. Actually, they may not like to pass messages. Perhaps his original intention is to make two women break some habits or ideas that are dissatisfied with each other, but he may not realize that two women, who would like to speak ill of themselves behind their backs?

Some men will unilaterally follow their parents' instructions and transform their wives into the type their parents like, but they are afraid that their own strength is too weak, so they will carry them out. If the woman who hears this has a normal IQ, 100% of them will think like this: "My parents-in-law badmouthed me in front of my husband again!"!

The sixth commandment: Give the opportunity to be a good man to your wife, and leave the opportunity to be a bad man to yourself

Some men always like to secretly give money to their parents and siblings behind their wives' backs, regardless of whether the money they give is within their own obligations, and regardless of how much or how little money they give, it is foolish to just look behind their wives' backs. "You may make your parents think that your son is the master of the family, having nothing to do with your daughter-in-law, or simply think that your daughter-in-law is a miser. Your behavior is to make your wife become a" villain. "". Many women will be angry when they know that their husband has done this behind their back. They don't know that what women hate is not giving money to their parents-in-law, but what they hate is the behavior of men acting behind their back. One is not respecting themselves, and the other is letting their parents-in-law misunderstand themselves. In fact, as long as it is within the scope of your obligations, please give it in front of your wife in a generous manner, so that your parents understand that the daughter-in-law knows and agrees to this matter; Or ask your wife to come forward and let your parents know the status of your wife in your family, so that even if they want to disrespect your wife, they will worry about it.

The seventh commandment, please don't shout at your wife in front of your parents or order her to do anything for you

Some men do all the housework when they don't live with their mother, but once their parents are around, they begin to gain prestige. They not only stop doing housework, but also like to bosh their wives around and dictate what they do. It seems that this is not enough to show that they are "old men" in front of their parents. A man yells at his wife in front of his parents, acting domineering, and seems to have a lot of face. However, this behavior not only makes his wife feel tired, but also implies that your parents, or your parents will understand it as: You have no respect for your wife at all, and she has no weight in your heart, so you don't respect her so much! Think about it, even if you don't respect your wife so much, do you still expect your parents to respect this daughter-in-law? In fact, many elderly people's unreasonable and disrespectful behavior is how you get used to it, so many internal injuries are also found by yourself!

Please don't argue with your wife in front of your parents or family

There is no husband or wife who does not quarrel. But quarreling in front of your parents not only hurts the feelings of your husband and wife, but also hurts the feelings of your parents and the other party, and can create estrangement with your daughter-in-law. There are some parents who are afraid of chaos in the world, or some parents who protect their short lives. When you argue with your wife in front of them, they will jump out and help you deal with your wife. Their involvement in this way can transform the "internal conflict" between you and your wife into a more complex "mother-in-law daughter-in-law conflict," and your parents will therefore find reasons to provoke your husband and wife relationship! Therefore, a man who is between his parents and his wife should not quarrel with his wife in front of his parents, regardless of whether you have any reason or not. If your wife has wronged you, you can only bear it!

The ninth commandment, please don't worry about my mother being jealous and not daring to show respect and love for her wife in front of her

Many young couples are very affectionate when they are not in front of their parents, and men do not hesitate to show their sympathy and affection for their wives, leading a sweet and warm life. Some men even happily pour foot wash water for their wives, but once their mothers are in front of them, they dare not even pour a glass of boiling water for their wives! On the contrary, they also require their wives to do this and that for themselves, in order to demonstrate to their mother that they can "handle" their wives and satisfy their vanity of "my son is very capable"! When a man does this in front of his mother, he is actually committing crimes based on love, cruelly trampling on his wife's self-esteem and feelings! Therefore, a man who wants his wife and parents to coexist peacefully under the same roof, while showing filial piety to his mother, please show more love for his wife in front of her parents. She will not only double cherish your marriage, but also treat your parents kindly as a result. Moreover, even the most arrogant parents will scruple your respect for their wife and not make trouble for her.

The tenth commandment, please do not practice egalitarianism with relatives, and let them develop the bad habit of getting something for nothing

Some men who came out of the countryside, only one from the four li and eight villages was admitted to university. Therefore, with the praise and praise of everyone, their vanity became extremely inflated, and they unconsciously stepped onto the altar of worship, arrogantly wanting to improve the fate of the entire village! So Li Ergou begged for help and agreed to find a job; When relatives of Wang Er's pockmarked family come to the city to see a doctor, in addition to inviting them to stay at their own house and having their wife enjoy good wine and dishes, they also have to accompany them to the hospital throughout the entire journey... If their wife is a bit sloppy in entertaining them, they blame her for saving their face! I wonder if such a man is tired or not? If you are tired, walk down the shrine yourself. Since you are not an immortal, it is too cold to be high!

The eleventh commandment, please show filial piety to your parents, and do not transfer your duty of filial piety to your wife

Men often say to their wives, "It's not easy for my parents to raise me, so you should take good care of my parents!"! I wonder what kind of logic this is? Every man should be grateful for his parents' upbringing, but you cannot force his wife to be grateful to your parents, jumping to the moral high ground and accusing her of being "unfilial"! The kind of man who frequently accuses his wife of being unfilial, but has never cooked a meal for his parents, washed clothes once, and served foot wash once, please put aside your hypocritical faces and review whether he has done anything for his parents before asking for his wife!

The twelfth commandment, please treat your parents and parents-in-law equally, and don't let your wife "marry her husband and forget her mother."

I often hear some parents-in-law complain about their son's "marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting his mother"; In fact, there are more daughters who "marry their husbands and forget their mothers", because after marrying, women often become "spilled water" under the constraints of so-called customs! Many men often demand their wives to be filial to the elderly, but in his mouth, "the elderly" only refers to his own parents, as for parents-in-law? No way out. In fact, in a family where a girl was born, her parents also love her, love her, spoil her, spoil her, and educate her. The love they give is no less than that of a boy. As a husband, there is no reason to prevent a wife from honoring her parents in law. "You can use the phrase" old age and old age "to ask your wife to honor your parents. Can you do this yourself and treat your parents-in-law with the same attitude?"?