Post Date December, 02 2023
I am married and have two sons, one is 5 years old and the other is 10 years old. My marriage was decided by two parents, so I don't have much relationship between my husband and wife! Previously, our lives were mediocre and our material security was decent, all due to me working alone outside. My wife hasn't finished elementary school, so she has no education. She hasn't traveled far since childhood, so she doesn't have much experience or skills! So she listens to me everything, relies heavily on me, and has no independent opinions. Over time, it feels like the personalities and many other aspects of the two are becoming increasingly incompatible. In the past two years, due to the decline of my career, I have lost a lot of money in doing business. Now my family is facing financial difficulties and I need to start from scratch. Over the past year, I have often had arguments, and if the argument is severe, I will talk about divorce. Both of them will talk about divorce, but I will say this more because I have been living this way since I was with two children. During this year, I happened to meet a woman from Guiyang who had just divorced and had a son who belonged to her. I think she is the type of woman I like. Although she is not as beautiful as my current wife, she is just an ordinary woman. However, we can get along in many ways, so we both love each other. However, she still doesn't know that I am not divorced. When I met her at that time, I lied to her that I am divorced. At first, I didn't expect it to develop to this level. The current situation is that she knows my current difficulties and wants to start a career, and has told me twice to go to her side to work with her, develop and live together. I'm just struggling whether to go or not? If we go, we may face divorce and live with her, but when it comes to children, my wife and I are kind and honest people, and we can't bear it. But I really want to be with her, and she also needs me very much. It's so frustrating! Thank you for your guidance, teacher!
Reply
Firstly, no matter who you want to be with, you should be sincere and straightforward in your life, and treat any relationship or marriage openly. You should know that a deceived relationship will never last long. Secondly, the reason why you feel entangled is not only driven by your conscience, which makes it difficult for you to make up your mind to "abandon your wife and children". There is your own small plan in this, and you cannot calculate clearly, which means you have unknown worries. Although you are very fond of that "Guiyang girl", you are worried about whether you can truly achieve the right results with her. Even if you do achieve the right results, you cannot guarantee that there will be any problems. In fact, if you think too much, you will naturally hesitate and be in a dilemma. Of course, marriage is not just a joke, so there's nothing wrong with careful consideration.
I think for marriage, if you want to make ends meet, don't ask too much of each other. Everyone can live on. Marriage can be without love, but it cannot be without tolerance and responsibility. I think you are increasingly tempted to abandon responsibility, which is very dangerous. I hope you can reflect and be cautious. For an existing marriage, unless you no longer recognize it from the bottom of your bones, feel that it has passed away, or have a strong sense of career ambition and high pursuit of emotions, then you can choose to give up on this marriage. Maybe you think your marriage is similar to that of Zhao Benshan. At the beginning, Zhao Benshan gave up that meaningless marriage for his career and pursuit. But Zhao Benshan is a man of high standard. Although he gave up his failed marriage, he never gave up his responsibility and candor as a man. When he divorced his ex-wife, he chose to go out of the house clean, left all his property to his ex-wife and daughter, and always fulfilled his obligation as a father. If you have Zhao Benshan's feelings, I support you to divorce. After all, the purpose of divorce is to let each other get relief and live a happy life. Since we have such an original intention, let's make a bold choice. What are the hesitations and entanglements!
