Post Date December, 03 2023
I am a third party, and using this term to describe myself also makes me feel uncomfortable because I have always hated this title, but I am indeed a third party.
I am 16 years younger than him, and he should be considered a member of my uncle's generation in terms of age. He is my husband's business partner and I get along with him because he has business dealings with him. When my husband's business is difficult, he has helped out. Out of gratitude for the close relationship between our two families, as time goes on, I gradually develop a good impression of him, and he is the same. Later, he pursued me fiercely, and we became lovers.
There was no airtight wall, and over time, my husband learned about it. He made a scene with me, tormenting me, and our relationship got further and further apart. Finally, we got divorced.
After my divorce, this man was the only one left in my life. I sacrificed my marriage and all my emotions for him, and I followed him for 10 years without any regrets. 10 years is so precious for a woman.
I am very confused now and don't know how to take the road in the future. Although I feel that he truly loves me in his heart, I know he wouldn't give up his family for me at all. I am getting older day by day, and wrinkles are slowly creeping up my face. Time has carved scars on my face. I really want to forget him, forget everything I had with him, and break up with him completely, but I am really in pain and don't know what to do after leaving him. I hope you can give me some advice.
Reply:
Being sick is very uncomfortable, and we all hate it. However, we still get sick accidentally because virus invasion is not well guarded, especially when our bodies lack resistance.
You two are each other's "viruses", quietly invading each other's family. At first, you didn't know that each other was a "virus", and hugged each other as love, gradually eroding each other's family. When you feel uncomfortable, you are no longer able to resist, and as a result, your home scattered and his home became cold.
This is a disease that needs to be treated, and it requires the courage to scrape bones and treat toxins. Although it is painful, only after treatment can there be hope.
I can understand the reasons for your initial feelings towards him, getting along with him through gratitude, getting close through getting along, and being unable to help but feel close. My husband will certainly not forgive you when he discovers it, because your red apricot act has a dual impact on him. You have given him a green hat, causing him to lose a business partner. After divorce, you lost your husband and home, leaving only the man who had promised you so much. At first, you waited for hope, hoping that he could divorce and marry you. As time passed, you finally understood that 'he wouldn't give up his family for me', and your hope was shattered. After knowing that he wouldn't divorce and marry you, you realize that your youth is long gone, and at this point you don't even have the courage to leave him. You are very clear that you will lose nothing without this man. In order to save the last straw, you are trapped in endless entanglements - continue, have no results, leave, and have no courage.
What about him? He knows what divorce means, so he is unwilling to divorce. If you don't divorce now, you won't divorce in the future because as you age and age, men need a sense of stability more. He knew that you were hurt by his "pursuit" because he got divorced, so he couldn't bear to leave and hurt you again. He could only wait for you to leave voluntarily. You said, 'Although I feel like he really loves me in his heart,' perhaps, if it was really for love at the beginning, it may be inevitable now, 10 years from now. For 10 years, things have changed, and what has changed is not only his appearance, but also the children he has to face every day as he grows up and the home he longs to become warm.
You can choose to continue living like this. The advantage of living like this is that he can sneak in some comfort from his busy schedule (when he is old and powerless?), but the disadvantage is that you will become entangled and hurt a large group of people (you, him, his wife, and their children), carrying the stigma of a generation. You can also choose to leave him and start pursuing your happiness again. The advantage of doing so is that you can reshape your future, while the disadvantage is that you will experience waves of pain, but such pain is worth it like Phoenix Nirvana.
Life is beautiful and hasty, and mistakes must be made in worthwhile people and things. I truly regret wasting my life on an old man who cannot bring hope to me.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
