Post Date April, 15 2023
I have been married to him for 19 years, and my son is in his first year of high school this year. Since the beginning of dating, I have been quarreling and fighting. Before getting married, I broke up with him and later married him again for my own reasons. For this, my parents and brother were very disappointed with me.
Within a year after marriage, the relationship is still good, except for occasional quarrels but small fights. Then I got pregnant, bought a house, and during my pregnancy, I had a violent incident, but the cause was forgotten. During this period, he became addicted to gambling. At first, he gambled small with his colleagues, but in the end, it got bigger and bigger. As a result, we had more arguments. Then he began to be dissatisfied with his own life, enviing others for having a car and not having one. If he couldn't meet the economic conditions, he didn't buy it. He started thinking of crooked ways and was discovered and dismissed by the unit!
And then he opened his own restaurant, and he still found time to stay out all night gambling. Half a year later, the restaurant closed and he was idle at home. During this period, I kept gambling and would fight and hit me if I didn't ask for money when I came home. Later, he worked with a fellow villager on a construction site and earned some money. He bought a car and also changed houses, but during this period, he had an affair.
I talked to him seriously, hoping that he could end the messy relationship outside for the sake of the child. He promised very well, but he never stopped. Then the gambling became increasingly congested, and in the end, I mortgaged the car. I borrowed 50000 yuan to redeem the car, but in the end, I gave him another 40000 to 50000 yuan in gambling. At this point, the family ran out of money, and if they didn't have any more money, he started hitting me. There was really no more, so he sold his car and gambled for 140000 yuan. He spent 40000 yuan to buy a second-hand car.
Just a few days after the Spring Festival in 2016, I took that woman to XX to play for a week without paying me a penny. The construction site also stopped using him due to his reasons, and his hometown no longer needed him. I discovered the WeChat chat records between him and that woman, and I sent them to the woman's husband. As a result, he came to my workplace and asked me to go out. He drove me to the outer ring road of our county and tore my hair and hit me on the head, saying that there was a commotion at home over there. He asked me why I sent chat records to my husband?
I completely lost my heart and went back to my parents' house. This was the first time in all these years that I had been married that I had returned to my parents' house. My parents were very angry and supported me in getting divorced, but the next day he came to me and said he could change for the sake of the child. Let me see his performance, and I once again believed it. On the third night after returning home, he didn't come home. I checked his phone records and found that he had called the cinema and went to see a movie. I don't believe he will go to the movies on his own.
After another day, two more days and a night without coming home, I completely understood. On December 29th, 2017, during the Chinese New Year, it was my father's birthday. In the morning, I cleaned up and he changed his shoes at the door. He was very willing to buy clothes and shoes himself, and the door was full of his shoes. Suddenly, I was very upset and threw his shoes out. I asked him to take them to the car and not leave them in a mess at the door. As a result, he became angry and pointed at my nose, saying, 'You're just a person who doesn't deserve to be beaten. I can't help but beat you black all day!'!
I suddenly woke up and felt no need to continue, so I packed my clothes and went back to my mother's house for the second time. During this time, he made a phone call, but I didn't answer it and never called again. I have decided to give up completely this time. Divorce is over, but for the children, I don't know if my decision is right or wrong. Now, the children are always playing outside and staying up all night. Am I completely giving up on divorce, or will I persist for the sake of the children? I am at a loss.
Reply
As the saying goes, if you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer before your eyes. Looking back on how regretful you were when you were young, you shouldn't have turned a deaf ear to your family's words! Your ending today was undoubtedly planted during the romantic phase, and if you were less stubborn at that time, it might have been less struggle. For this reason, your experience is enough to warn more young girls: never be cheap about love when you are young, never persist in being with a man who mercilessly hurt you during the love stage, otherwise it will be endless trouble.
Under what circumstances should a woman decisively choose to divorce her partner? I personally think that when you don't feel love in your marriage, your marriage has reached the point of survival, where the other party has serious domestic violence, persistent gambling behavior, frequent infidelity, and lost a minimum sense of responsibility for the marriage. If you have one of these, you can consider making a decision.
In your case, your husband is gambling, whoring, and domestic violence, without any respect for you. What kind of person is he? You won't be unclear in your own heart. If he hasn't changed in the slightest after so many years, then he will be like this in his life. When will you hold back until he finally ends?
Women always take care of their children in marriage, and many of the women who write to me also suffer from this habit of talking about their children at critical moments. If your child is as young as one or two years old, it may not be the right time to choose a divorce, but your child is already in their first year of high school and has their own ability to judge right and wrong. If you communicate your thoughts and experiences with your child, I believe they will understand you, support and stand by you. Do you think that if you endure in marriage and maintain a superficial form, it will not harm your children? In fact, what harms children is not the dissolution of marriage, but the ubiquitous indifference, arguments, and negative energy in marriage. Do you see that Song Dandan chose to divorce when his children were still young, and he still educated them well alone?
Of course, Brother Shan doesn't have to persuade you to divorce here. I just want to tell you that women should know how to live for themselves, not use children to bind their marriage, and not make excuses for their cowardice. You need to have your own independent personality and not be controlled by men. You should know that without a spiritual subject, people will always be bullied by others. In fact, your child has already suffered a lot in this family, and the impact of your broken marriage on their hearts has already formed. If you choose divorce, it is strongly recommended that you compete for child custody, let the child follow you, and not leave the child to that irresponsible man, as it will ruin the child.
Strengthen yourself. Since God has gifted you with an unfortunate marriage that has left you suffering in the first half of your life, you need to muster the courage to rewrite your destiny for the rest of your life. It's up to you to make your own decisions about where to go.
