Post Date December, 03 2023
Come on, let me ask you a question. Do you think people who don't care what others think of me are more self centered, or those who are very concerned about what others think of me are more self centered?
Perhaps we always feel that those who do not care about how others perceive themselves live a very self fulfilling and self fulfilling life, as if their world lacks the perspective of others and they do not understand how to view themselves and constrain themselves with their own eyes.
However, from a different perspective, those who are very concerned about how others perceive me and strictly demand that they not be different from the expectations of society, are they not themselves? Perhaps they are actually living a more self centered life, always ensuring that my footsteps are not consistent with those of others.
In their eyes, they will never forget me and live freely. Perhaps even when they stretch out their arms, the first thing they think about is whether they open their arms at the same angle as others, whether they will disturb others, and whether they will be disliked for it?
Japanese writer Tito Kato once studied an interesting phenomenon, trying to analyze how people become obedient and obedient children.
He cited the research of psychologist Maslow and found that children often stifle their own joy emotions in order to seek approval from others, because for children, the most terrifying thing in the world is to lose the hearts of people around them.
Because of this, many parents use rewards and punishments to discipline their children during their growth stage, pointing out a path that can please them and making their lives more convenient.
Kato mentioned the story of a girl who was left out by her parents when she gave birth to her second baby. At first, she tried to attract her parents' attention by arguing and playing tricks, but she didn't expect their reaction to be as good as expected.
So she began to learn to be a sensible and obedient child, and then she found that this trick worked. Her parents highly praised her and were full of love. In the process, she learned that pleasing others and making herself appear needed were shortcuts to interacting with others.
As the girl gradually grew up and fell in love, she always accepted the unfair treatment in her relationship. The more she tried to please her, the more she made herself a big web that allowed her boyfriend to take whatever he wanted, because she believed that only those who were needed could be loved.
Yes, the ultimate goal that people pursue with all their might is actually to feel loved.
Love makes us feel secure, but at the same time, the need for love also creates a great sense of insecurity. When we try to integrate society, please society, and want to be loved as a ticket, it actually implies our desire to be loved by this society.
As much as you want, there is as much pain.
So let's think back, why are these unique, exceptional, weak, or unique people so annoying? Perhaps this question is not so difficult to solve.
The more people want to integrate into the group and turn their group consciousness into self-worth, the more they actually put in a considerable amount of effort.
They follow the program step by step, absorb group information, establish their own network, and even sacrifice their own pleasure, just to meet the expectations and interests of the group. If a certain intruder appears or makes their obedient self appear like a fool, they will naturally become a hated object.
The groups that were originally hoping to find love between groups, but due to the accumulation of a lot of anger each, they inevitably need to blame someone for their imbalanced emotions and bully them! Who taught him to be different from us.
But even though everyone wants to be loved, we use hatred towards someone to express the pain of pursuing love, which can't help but make people wonder whether everyone hates that single person or is it actually themselves?
