My parents didn't have me until they were forty years old, and I was loved by them since childhood

My parents didn't have me until they were forty years old, and I was loved by them since childhood

The food in my family has been dried. My daughter has also been on summer vacation. I have been working in Shenyang for a year since I turned the calendar. For a whole year, I didn't have the courage to go home.

Today, I packed my luggage. Last week I asked for leave and planned to go home when I was not busy. However, looking at the pile of luggage and gifts, there was no joy, no desire to return, and I felt more afraid.

I have to face my father again. Is he my biological father? How could he make such a request? It's been a year, but I still don't know how to face it. Once, my father loved me so much.

I am the youngest of the five brothers and sisters in my family. My parents were over 40 years old when they gave birth to me, so they loved me very much since childhood. If there is anything delicious and interesting at home, I will give it to you first. At that time, my other brothers and sisters were in their twenties and thirties, and I had become the "darling" of everyone in the family. Every day, my brothers and sisters would take me everywhere when they were free, and my father would put me around his neck when he was free at night.

At that time, I thought my father was so tall that I could see the people in the next village on his neck. Holding a branch, I shouted on my father's shoulder, feeling like an empress.

If only everything stayed at that moment.

People always grow up slowly. In a twinkling of an eye, I have reached the age of marriage. Since childhood, my parents have always loved me and hated to marry me too far, so after choosing for a long time, they found a family for me in a nearby village.

After getting married, I have to visit my parents once a day. In fact, there's nothing wrong. My brother is still around, and I can take care of my parents. But I always feel empty when I don't come back. Look at my parents, talk to them for a while, and pick up some water for them. I can sleep soundly when I come home.

After my brothers and sisters got married, I, as the youngest daughter, accompanied them for more than ten years. Now I can't ignore them just because I got married. I am their only hope for more than ten years. Even if I get married, I should live with them.

After my mother died, I still often went home to visit my father

However, no amount of careful care can resist the arrangement of God. At this time of the year before last, my mother died.

She was ill and left. Although we had expected it beforehand, we were still grieved when we went to face it. Especially father, he was seriously ill because of his mother's death.

During that time, my father always stared at my mother's portrait and wiped tears every day, watching me come in, and then hurriedly said he would go out for a stroll with his hands back as if nothing had happened. My father is really old. The shoulder that once carried me is now completely buried in his clothes. It's so thin that it hurts. Looking at my father's figure, I suddenly felt that he was so lonely, walking alone in this empty yard... I really need to accompany him.

At that time, I used to eat and live in my mother's house. Because I don't trust my father to stay alone. He is in his seventies and has high blood pressure. I'm afraid that he will have an accident every night in front of his mother's portrait. Once something happens, there is no one around.

I try my best to take care of my father. It was a difficult time. Fortunately, we all survived. Half a year later, Dad's spirit was obviously better, he no longer talked about his mother's life, and he no longer wiped tears when looking at his mother's portrait. Maybe he has come out and got used to living alone.

I went back to my husband's house with peace of mind. Before I left, I still told my brother to visit my father more often. When I came to visit my father again, it was the fifteenth day of the first month after the New Year.

It was supposed to be the day when the whole family gathered to eat Yuanxiao (Filled round balls made of glutinous rice-flour for Lantern Festival) together, but after that night, I could not find any family feeling.

Less than half a year after my mother left, my father actually wanted to have sex with me

At first, my father and I got along quite happily. I cooked the rice dumpling I brought myself, watched him eat it, talked with him for a while, washed his feet, watched him get on the kang, and then turned off the light and went back to the room I had lived in before he married. Everything is normal, but the night is really dark and cold, really

At midnight, I felt vaguely that someone was drilling into my quilt, and my eyes opened bleary-eyed. I saw my father staring at me with two bright eyes. When I woke up, he kept laughing and not talking, but his eyes were full of pondering and pondering, and his eyes were still looking at me straight and naked.

This is not the look of a father looking at his daughter. I am a married woman. I know the meaning of this look, but the man who shows this look is my father, my biological father. I hesitated for a moment. He... won't he?

"Dad, what's the matter with you? You came to my house without sleeping in the middle of the night."

"Hey hey, girl, my father can't sleep, you can sleep with me tonight." He will press me to bed as the situation goes.

"Dad!" I shouted hard. Seeing that he hesitated for a while when I shouted, I quickly pulled the quilt and hid inside, blushed and said, "Don't think nonsense. I'll buy you a radio tomorrow, so you won't be too busy."

Seeing that there was no doubt in my eyes, he lazily went to bed and went back to his room.

I can't sleep any more. I dare not sleep any more. Before four o'clock in the morning, I dressed casually and hurried back to my home.

What should I do? How do I face all this? I can't tell anyone, not even my husband. For the good of everyone, I can only forget when it doesn't exist, when it doesn't happen. However, I can't pass my own pass.

I began to look for various reasons not to see him. For his follow-up calls, I all said that the farm work at home was too busy; As a last resort, when I have to go, I can also drag it out. I can drag it out until I see him at night, and then I will hurry home because it is too dark. At one time, my family, which I can enter and leave freely and yearn for, is now difficult for me to talk about. If I can avoid it, I will avoid it.

When I went to see him again, I just felt sick. I didn't want to call him "Dad" anymore, let alone look at his eyes. He behaved naturally, as if nothing had happened, but I couldn't do it, and that night became a thorn in my heart.

Later, in order to avoid visiting him, I made an excuse to work in the city. I choose the most tired and busy work to do and find every excuse not to go home. For a year, I have been anesthetizing myself with non-stop work.

I thought that such hard work had left me no time to think about the past. I thought I had forgotten. However, looking at the packed luggage and the supplements I bought for him, my heart began to shake again unconsciously. It was really cold and cold. How could this way home be so difficult.

(Intern editor: Cai Junyi)