Post Date December, 03 2023
Not to mention that my husband checks my computer information, phone information, and call records every three to five times. In less than an hour when he goes out, he can make more than ten phone calls. Even when he is alone downstairs looking at the store and I sleep upstairs, whenever there is any noise, he will come straight up to investigate. Today, he put on an extra piece of clothing, and his eyes were not right; In the morning, when I was on a business trip and came back to find me drying the quilt, I repeatedly doubted; A chair was placed next to the computer desk in the store, and he asked, "Who was sitting here just now; Talking to the customer in the store, he said my eyes were ambiguous; There was an extra cigarette butts on the floor, and he questioned, "Who has been shopping in the store this morning?" I sent a message and didn't respond in time, so he blamed me. "Who are you chatting with again? You can't even say a word to me after talking to someone for 10 sentences. It seems that your friend is more important than me. There were several male classmates chatting twice in QQ, and he went to ask others, "What was your relationship before?" Finally, he deleted all male QQ!
Now he's even crazier when he goes to work outside the city. It's no exaggeration to say that he makes more than a dozen phone calls every day, asking if he's had dinner, what he's doing now, and he wants to carry me around 24 hours a day! He thinks every day that I will give him a green hat and suspects that I have an affair with someone. Although I have reassured him countless times and made promises, he still doesn't believe it. Over time, I became accustomed to not explaining. And he felt like I was acquiescing! Sometimes, I find myself really suffocating. Perhaps he loves me very much, but the way he loves me makes me tired. Perhaps he is very inferiority complex, so inferiority complex that he is afraid that I will leave at any time. Perhaps he has a nearly abnormal mentality. Perhaps he is male chauvinistic and has a strong desire for possession. Two people together need to give each other more and more freedom, right? Mutual trust is the most important rule of love, and he is too suspicious. What should he do? I almost broke down.
Ms. Wang:
Being watched 24 hours a day like in a detention center can indeed suffocate you, which may be related to his growth experience. He used to play a child who was overlooked by his parents or friends, often without attention, and being neglected for a long time. He felt very insecure and couldn't give his partner enough trust and freedom. He greedily occupied every moment of your life, Don't let others enter your life, afraid that you will leave them. He does love you very much, he doesn't know that this way will suffocate you, but he lacks a sense of security and cannot control himself. He needs to constantly confirm the safety of the outside world to gain a sense of security.
Being questioned and guarded by someone every day is like a life of a bird in a cage. Communicate with them well, let them face their inner unease and fear, and form an agreement with them on how much personal space they need to give you, which behaviors are disloyal to marriage, which behaviors they can intervene in, which behaviors are unnecessary and unacceptable to you, and which are the personal spaces you must have. Let him truly realize that your love for him cannot be easily changed, and that the person you choose cannot be replaced by others, in order to alleviate his anxiety. If he is unable to restrain his behavior, it is recommended that you take him to a relevant consultant for systematic treatment.
