My husband not only became addicted to gambling, but also cheated on me on the grounds of loneliness

Reader's Letter:

Although my husband and I may not be childhood sweethearts, we have known each other since we were teenagers in high school. It has been sixteen years since we fell in love and got married. After marriage, we gave birth to a daughter, and we are now in our first year of junior high school. I don't know how to describe our marriage life these years, but perhaps it is very fitting to be happy and painful. My husband is very popular and reliable in the eyes of outsiders. My parents really like him, and his only drawback is his love for gambling. In the past few years, he played cards with friends for fun, but he is very caring for his family and children, and he is even more considerate towards me. He will do anything I say, but he cannot change playing cards. He lies and deceives me time and time again.

Five years ago, he was taken into an underground casino and lost over a million yuan. All his family savings were lost, and he still owed over 300000 yuan. Later, I left my hometown to take my child to Beijing for school. Six months later, he also went to Beijing. After four years in Beijing, although life was difficult, at least he was very happy. He didn't gamble anymore. Last year, he had to go back to his hometown for development, and my child and I stayed in Beijing. In March of this year, my child and I went back to our hometown, but I found out that my husband met a girl who was less than 20 years old on WeChat and they lived together. I am completely crazy, going crazy and messing with him.

The money I have earned so hard over the years has been squandered by him. He even used the excuse that my child and I were not at home and were too lonely to cheat and betray me. As a result, our marriage lasted for six months in daily arguments. I admit that I love him, that's why I can't bear his betrayal of me. He has told me more than once: Don't make trouble with my wife, the more you make trouble, the more rebellious I become. I'm just playing with that woman. Don't be so strong anymore. Over the years, you have been too strong at work and at home. Later on, he really went to find that woman again, and it wasn't until one day he was detained for gambling that I realized it was the woman who took him to gamble. After coming out of detention, I even sneered at him. He left home and went to the casino again. Later, he borrowed tens of thousands of high interest loans, but because he was unable to repay them, he threw the woman into the underworld as collateral. Later, the woman's family paid off the debt and redeemed her. I had never seen that woman before, who was under twenty years old and had no appearance. People who knew her were particularly curious about how my husband could possibly be with her.

For this man, I only have resentment and even hope that he will die. Now that he has no family or friends due to gambling again, his psychology has also been distorted. In addition, I have argued, so he has put all the blame on me. He said that I am too strong and angry, and I never know how to gently pull him back. After arguing for so long, he completely gave up. He left home and went out of town. I admit that I am irritable and cannot tolerate his infidelity, Don't know how to solve our problem?

reply:

Hello, there are several types of men in marriage that women cannot easily forgive. One is a gambler, the other is an alcoholic, the third is a lecherous stick, and the fourth is a violent man. These types of men, once unfortunately encountered by women, will fall into an abyss and suffer unbearably.

Your husband is a true big gambler. It is unbearable to squander his hard-earned wealth like this. If such a black sheep man doesn't repent, he must stay away. What's even more shameless is that he used the excuse that you and your child were not at home and lonely, fooled around with other women, betrayed his marriage, couldn't pay off gambling debts, and even mortgaged the woman he fooled around with to the underworld. Such a disloyal, unjust, and unrepentant scumbag, can you find a reason to continue living with him?

Although you also have your own problems, such as irritability and bad temper, objectively speaking, your husband is doing too poorly. If you really cannot tolerate his gambling and betrayal, then there is no need to struggle. Undoubtedly, staying away from this unpopular scumbag is your best choice.

From your statement, your ability to make money should not be a problem, and if you have a strong personality, it is definitely not a problem to survive independently in society. The key is to see what you think inside yourself. I think your husband is really not worth cherishing. Of course, if you think you caused him to fall to this point, then you can think of ways to save him, but can you save him? People first need to save themselves, then they need to be saved by others and saved by heaven. A person who only complains or puts all the blame on others is hopeless.

For you, any man wants his wife to be gentle, considerate, virtuous, and knowledgeable. Your husband's dissatisfaction with you in this regard may be a genuine one that requires you to reflect and improve on yourself. Men do feel angry and uncomfortable in front of women's dominance, feeling a sense of loss of dignity. This is a typical psychological complex of Chinese men, and you should understand. In addition, as a woman, don't spoil a man, don't do everything for him, give him the opportunity to prove his strength and existence, otherwise, he will also go idle and do nothing. Especially when it comes to making money, it's best to motivate men to do it. It's right for women to make their own money and spend it without relying on men. However, don't make men rely on you. Women's earning power and strength conquer the surface of men, and their hearts will be filled with resentment due to humiliation and disobedience. In this state, it's easy to do things wrong to you and confront you. For this reason, regardless of whether you live with any man, learn to show weakness and not flaunt yourself with strength, as it will only make you lose more tragically and hurt more.