My husband has an affair. I sued him for divorce. During the divorce, I fell in love with a married man at a friend's party

I am 26 years old and divorced. After the divorce, my child and I were taken care of by my parents, and I was financially burdened! The reason for my divorce was that my ex husband made a mistake of principle, lied, had an affair, sold off his family property, and finally drove away my car and lost contact.

My ex husband and I live independently and have been separated for a long time. My mother and I have been taking care of our children since they were born. My ex-husband was the first man in my life. After a lot of problems with my ex-husband, I discussed with my family and decided to apply to the court for divorce. In the eyes of others, I handled everything "calmly and elegantly"!

All along, I have been a relatively proud girl who grew up being held in the palm of my hand. My ex-husband was a classmate from my primary school and chased me for more than a year. My relatives thought he was kind, honest, diligent, and it was also good to find someone who loved me. Slowly, I accepted, but I always felt that he was not worthy of me. "On the surface, I treat him with respect, and my family and friends also praise him. His family is complex, and we rarely communicate.". "I formatted what my wife should do, taking care of the children and taking care of the family very well, but I rarely communicate with him personally!"!

I thought he would never leave me, just like this for a lifetime. The most unexpected thing was that when he left, I was shocked and surprised. I felt painful inside, but I didn't keep him! Later, during the divorce proceedings, at a dinner party with my best friend, I met X. At that time, due to litigation issues, we left contact information with each other. The next day, X asked me to have dinner with my girlfriend again, but I refused. Later, when we got together again on the weekend, X introduced me to a judge who was of the same age, with good family conditions, good looks, and stable work. "They expressed their good feelings to me at the same time on the same day. I pretended to be confused, and then went to the nightclub to play. I was about to leave at ten o'clock, and then X took my bag and said he would give me a ride.".

About a month later, X and I were together, and I knew he had a wife and children. From the first day together, I took a hint of indulgence and revenge. I thought at that time, like X, we wouldn't take each other seriously, just play! Unexpectedly, later on, both X and I became more and more serious. X's wife is a distant relative of my best friend, so I also know about his family. Their marital relationship has been bad for a long time, and I found out that they were pregnant since they divorced a few years ago. Later, the child was born. Due to negligence, the child suffered from severe itching and cerebral palsy. After treatment, he can now walk and express himself physically, but he cannot speak. He is almost four years old.

To tell the truth, as a father, he is impeccable and dutiful. He has done all the ways and methods he can try. His son is his biggest worry, and often he will shed tears after getting drunk. After I am with him, we almost cohabit. Only on weekends, he will go to the city where his son lives for treatment, or pick me up on holidays. He will take me to meet his classmates, colleagues, and comrades in arms, I even arranged to see his mother skillfully. I knew almost all his friends and knew our relationship, but I always felt that I could not get through it. "I have spoken in secret several times to leave him, but in the end it didn't work out. During our time together, I hardly actively contacted him, but as long as we are in a city, almost all of us will meet. His family and thoughts will be told to me, and I will also listen to my suggestions.".

"We are eight years apart. I have a university education, he works in the government, and the people around him all evaluate him very well. We have no economic ties, and we are both independent, with relatively favorable conditions. We give gifts to each other, and basically have equal values.". At the end of last year, his wife and son all moved back to our city and will not go there again. At that time, I knew that I had cut off contact. Later, he still didn't break up completely. Since this year, he has contacted his son about hospitals, schools, and other aspects, but he has rarely contacted and met. However, he will tell me about his developments, and then he will take me to parties or other things. "For a long time, I rarely tell him about my affairs, my big and small matters, all solved by myself. Please help me with my teacher and let me leave him more firmly. I am now suffering every day, and I don't want to continue. I have many suitors with suitable conditions around me, and I have been refusing because of him, but I am very tired now!"!

reply:

1. Marriage requires selecting the right person, then adhering to the correct concept of marriage and love, carefully managing and creating, and shouldering the responsibilities of the body. Only in this way can happiness last for a long time. However, at the beginning, you have been too casual about your marriage and have not taken it seriously enough. Because you do not love and despise each other, it naturally prompts the other party to maintain a certain distance from you, ultimately leading to the separation of the other half you choose from you. Couples lack the necessary communication, and long-term separation will naturally weaken the relationship. In this situation, it is only a matter of time before the marriage breaks down.

2. Now that you have chosen a failed marriage and are willing to quickly end this unfortunate marriage, it is a good thing, at least a relief, to seek your own happiness and future again. However, what you should never do is, even though your existing marriage has not yet been completely handled and ended, you have also emulated your ex-husband in performing an extramarital affair, mixing up with a man with a family and children, and starting with revenge, indulgence, and game play, gradually sliding into the mud of love. When you think about it carefully, don't you find it ridiculous and shameful to be ignorant?

3. On the one hand, you choose to divorce your ex husband because you can't tolerate his betrayal; "At the same time, self degradation and the same way of presenting a deformed emotion that has made millions of people despise it are almost laughable.". After experiencing some setbacks and disappointments, the most important thing for people is to learn to reflect and grow, to mature from then on, and to understand how to avoid repeating the same mistakes. But what about you? What have you done to yourself, just being a third party? Is this a positive attitude towards life that is responsible for yourself?

4. Knowing that you are taking the wrong path, why do you have to go without hesitation? Who are you competing with? Who brought your own torture to you? If you don't win, who can help you? In fact, this person is not worth being infatuated with at all. It is you who have plunged yourself into an extreme situation and are unwilling to let go. Because you are poisoned too deeply, and because your marriage is not going well, you embrace a kind of sympathy and compassion, and want to work together with someone who seems to have the same misfortune as yourself to expel the haze in your heart. In fact, this is simply a dead end, which is a false appearance, You have made a naive mistake yourself.

5. People must eventually face reality. Stay away from unrealistic and illusory happiness, and give yourself a chance to be free and easy and turn around. You shouldn't have lacked the true happiness that belongs to you, but you are not good at finding it well, and you also lack heart. What you have lost is not a lover, but your original intention.