Post Date December, 02 2023
Is spiritual extramarital love really less harmful than having sex? Is this behavior enough to be forgiven and accepted? Several experts interviewed by the reporter disagreed
Reasonable deposit
Dr. Du Yasong of Shanghai Psychological Consultation Center believes that it has its own constructive significance
Dr. Du said that high-level animals with complex and changeable human interests are only interested in one thing all their life. It is difficult to love one person all their life. It is also difficult to have feelings for another person other than their partner. Normal people have rich emotions and complex and changeable interests
In real life, many people will encounter this situation. Although their marriage relationship is very happy, they will be in close contact with the opposite sex for work or life reasons. If the conditions of the two people are quite good, it is inevitable that they will feel good about each other. Verbal comfort and life care meet their emotional needs for a long period of time in the day. For various reasons, under moral constraints, they have developed emotional exchanges, but many of them have never thought I want to develop physical relationship
Others are the "Romeo and Juliet effect" in psychology. According to the research of psychologist Driscoll in 1972, the more outside interference they receive, the deeper their feelings will be. Dr. Du said that some people are not happy in their own lives and desire a perfect sexual relationship, but because of the constraints of moral status and other constraints, their emotional needs are seriously constrained to the pursuit of spiritual comfort, and the need to become particularly strong
Nowadays, the development of the Internet provides the most convenient way for spiritual extramarital love. Social public opinion generally doubts the nature of online love. There are also many people who argue for the emotional exchange in this virtual space. Some people even say that their marriage would have ended if it had not been for the moderate spiritual derailment on the Internet to release their emotions
The nature of sexual relations is the same
Zhu Rongshen, a marriage psychology professor who has opened a sexual psychology clinic in Shanghai, pointed out that one person is suffering from sleepless nights for the sake of sexual relations. For unmarried people, it is called hot love. For married people, it is called derailment. Whether spiritual or physical derailment, it is aimed at marriage. The state of yearning for non-marital sexual relations is essentially the same
Professor Zhu analyzed that marriage has its own rules. In the form of "one-to-one" specificity, the minimum requirement is a higher level of "physical and mental integration". Many people see the beautiful and free spirit of extramarital love in movies and TV dramas, and "play" for themselves. In fact, there is a considerable distance between life and art. More of us are happy only if we love our partners wholeheartedly
Mental infidelity also endangers the family
Liu Xuejun, the deputy director of the Department of Psychology of Beijing Huilongguan Hospital, said that she often encountered consultants with mental extramarital problems. Many people were not willing to leave their confidants of the opposite sex and would not betray their families. There was always a comforting saying in their minds: "We are better off with mental infidelity than with physical infidelity?"
Doctor Liu said that she would tell the counselor "why do you fall into the trend of derailment because you need to face the problem of 'which is better'? Why do you still love the fait accompli of marriage and sexual relationship?"
Through careful examination of their marital status, if they still want to save their marriage, Dr. Liu will suggest that they gradually reduce the chance to meet with "confidants", keep the sense of distance between them and space, and let the relationship fade down slowly, even try to magnify the shortcomings of the other party and treat the relationship rationally
Doctor Liu also pointed out that people who are mentally derailed will inevitably ignore their attention to their families and want to withdraw from the best opportunity to repair the relationship between husband and wife. The two people may wish to recall more about love and the joy of just getting married together, and more about their separate activities so that marriage life can occupy their hearts
