Post Date December, 02 2023
It is not a glorious behavior to never admit mistakes in love, but it may be even more unwise to die in love and make the other party admit their mistakes. This is because when we wholeheartedly argue with our partner about right and wrong, we easily turn the love scene into a battlefield, turn our family into a court, and thus turn our loved ones into enemies.
So, how can there be sweetness in love?
Previously, in collaboration with the TV psychological counseling program "Heart Garden", I had seen many visitors who "asked them to admit their mistakes". As soon as I sat down, the first sentence I spoke was "Dr. Zhang, please help me evaluate. Who is right and who is wrong with him?" Whenever I heard this opening statement, my heart would "cluck" because arguing about right and wrong is not the way to manage happy love.
I personally believe that only extramarital affairs and domestic violence can be considered as events in marital relationships where there is a clear "fault responsible party". From a legal perspective, right and wrong can be distinguished. In addition, almost everything in their relationship is difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, and comparison is the appropriate and inappropriate judgment. For example, it may not be wrong for a man not to earn money to support his family, but perhaps for a woman, having such a husband is not appropriate; And it may not be wrong for women to spend money like water on clothes, but if they encounter some husbands, they are an mismatched wife.
As for other household chores, such as not buying the promised items or not doing the promised things, the attitude of the parties involved can indeed be improved. However, if the other party grabs the other party's small braid and insists on them bowing their heads to admit their mistakes, believing that they need to know their mistakes before they can correct them, they unwittingly spend all their energy proving that the other party is indeed wrong. In this way, it tightens the relationship to the extreme.
A female friend of mine publicly complained to everyone at a friend gathering that her husband never allowed her to touch his phone. She had no access to call records or text messages, and couldn't even ask, "I'm his wife. He shouldn't have treated me like this
Upon hearing this, my husband's face turned very ugly and he said, "That's how I am. You don't respect my privacy, that's not right!" The two argued endlessly and began to blame each other, proving that they were the one who was the truth and asking everyone to evaluate and reason together. It made everyone extremely embarrassed and they all found reasons to leave first.
Should mobile information become a prohibited area for the other half? I believe you and I both have our own opinions. However, when each other has different opinions, what should be done is not to blame each other, but to communicate well and find a way for both parties to get along freely. In other words, the question to be asked is not 'Why don't you admit your mistake?' but rather 'What should we do to make the two of us happier?' Less time to debate right and wrong, more time to find a solution.
When it comes to the philosophy of sexual interaction, my favorite English sentence is' Being kind over being right '. In love, we should both give up being omniscient geniuses and strive to be generous and kind angels.
A happy couple who have been married for 30 years once shared with me their secret to getting along, 'You can't see small mistakes, you can't remember big ones'. Ha, that's really great! The wife said, "Sometimes I know he has made a mistake, but I will laugh and say to him, 'No problem, it's up to you!' After that, he will find it out by himself." My husband told me that this is the most attractive part of his wife, and he never argues with him about trivial matters.
When we realize that our family should not be a court, we can remind ourselves to stop clinging to meaningless arguments and transform ourselves from a argumentative genius to a tolerant angel who understands happiness!
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
