Post Date December, 03 2023
Miss Xiao (pseudonym), female, 28 years old
I don't know what it means to go to bed for mutual love anymore. I joked that it's better to become a nun, but it's not a joke. It's anger. I know my husband's face will suddenly become gloomy, but if I don't say it, I feel like I'm going to suffocate myself.
In the first two years of our marriage, we were both young and enjoying the forbidden fruits for the first time. We did indeed enjoy many pleasures of fish and water. But after giving birth to my daughter, I began to lose interest. In order to maintain the relationship between husband and wife, I also make some superficial articles, pretending to cooperate.
Three years ago, I couldn't resist my husband from a rural background and his extended family. In order to continue this family, I promised to have another son. On TV, it was said that giving birth to a boy requires the tacit understanding and cooperation of both men and women. My confidant also told me that only when both parties reach orgasm at the same time can a boy be born. I thought to myself, with all my heart set on completing this task, that our marital relationship may not have a high chance of winning the bid. Because when I was doing that, I was always dealing with it, and the orgasm was also pretending, how could I possibly be pregnant with a boy? So I decided to directly adopt scientific methods to conceive. My husband is eager to ask for a son and has now agreed. We found a large hospital for sperm separation and artificial insemination, and luckily, we won the lottery in one go. Unfortunately, the ecstatic heart only lasted for a month, and the embryo stopped developing.
After resting for a while, we kept up our efforts. I have tried three hospitals and have undergone artificial insemination with IVF more than ten times. But things go against my wishes, and hope always falls through. All the expenses add up to enough to buy a very nice car. But compared to accepting the pain of being a failure every month, money is really insignificant.
The psychological trauma has completely lost my interest in sexual life. After I decided to give up using artificial methods, sex became something that I extremely disliked and even feared. My husband also heard that giving birth to a son requires concentrated firepower, so he keeps my "schedule" in mind every month. Whenever ovulation day approaches, as long as I am ready to go to the bathroom, test strips and paper cups will appear in front of me, and two blue lines will appear. I know I have to work. In three years, I am about to collapse. Sometimes for ovulation day, and sometimes to meet the other person's needs, after I accompanied my daughter to sleep, my husband even came to wake me up. After getting up, we didn't have a word to talk to, so we did our homework. After finishing, I went back to sleep.
Six months ago, I finally broke out and decided not to have another child. I don't know if it can help me regain my interest in sex, but if it doesn't, I'm sure I'll never consider it a pleasure.
Many friends say that marriage is ultimately maintained by family ties, but is it enough for Ruyi to have a family relationship that allows them to enjoy their bed? Now I don't want to force myself to fulfill my so-called obligations as a husband and wife. What will the final outcome be? Only one step counts as one step.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
