Post Date April, 15 2023
I am 24 years old and from a single parent family. My father divorced at the age of 13. My mother has been watching over me. As a child, the little princess had a terrible adolescence. My personality is naive, insecure, and manipulative.
After my parents divorced, I had a very bad life, my undergraduate school was not good, and I didn't have a relationship. Fortunately, I finally got admitted to a graduate student in Beijing. Knowing that after I was admitted, I took a playful attitude online and registered an account on the online dating website. My boyfriend and I met here, and we didn't even think about looking here at the time. Maybe we still had a predestined relationship.
He added me, and we met after chatting on QQ for two weeks. At first, everything was very good. Although I didn't fall in love with him at first sight, many of his conditions did meet my expectations. For example, he has a good temper, a slow temper, large eyes, and works relatively steadily.
That week, he asked me out every day, said he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. "I also agreed, saying that the relationship was determined too early. He said that we can determine the relationship first and get to know each other for a longer time.".
The reason why I promised him is that I never thought about how to fall in love. I want to get married, and his external conditions and mine are very suitable for marriage. He has an annual salary of 160000 yuan and is a 30 year old engineer in a state-owned enterprise. He has the ability to make a down payment (of course, this was only learned later, and I am sure it is true). Although I am still in school and the future is uncertain, I have a building and a unit house at home, and I can marry him for 500000 yuan.
I also have a situation where I have been depressed for a long time due to my parents' divorce, and I have developed a disease. Although it is not a genetic disease, as long as it is well maintained, it will be okay, but it is not always a cold or something like that, which cannot be cured. I told my boyfriend about this from the beginning.
Having been in love for half a year, the basic mode is to call me on weekdays, chat with QQ, say good night to me, eat together at weekends, watch movies, go out to play mountain climbing and shopping, etc.
On weekends and holidays, we basically stay together, and I'm rather sticky. He took me to meet a few friends, but very few, most of them were just one side. I still don't know who his friends are.
I am a first love, relatively engaged, and at first he was very enthusiastic when pursuing me, but later I was very enthusiastic about him. Many times, I can feel very warm and happy. He takes good care of me with him, and I like to go to movies and eat delicious food with him hand in hand. "He doesn't care spending money for me, either. I hardly spend money with him, except to buy him a small gift.".
After a long time together, there are also contradictions, which are still small. For example, he is a typical Libra who can buy clothes for half a day, loves to be late, is lazy, and needs personal space. As for me, I always have a plan and am impatient. Occasionally there is friction. Boyfriends basically belong to the class of otaku, right? On weekends, they stay at home or go out to eat with colleagues and friends who live close to them.
The irreconcilable contradiction now lies in: Some of my boyfriend's behaviors are too out of line, and I don't know whether to handle them as personality issues or personality issues? I am suspicious and jealous, but he is a friend of women.
I have had two big fights since getting along. One time, I went to QQ on his mobile phone and saw him ask a female netizen, "Do you want to have sex?"? I'll be here for two hours! He explained that the woman was showing off her boyfriend there, bragging about himself and chatting idly on the subway.
I'm surprised, I never thought my boyfriend would say such a thing! He never did this in front of me! The second and most recent incident: I found a woman sending messages to my boyfriend every night in the middle of the night. My boyfriend explained that this was a chat on QQ, and I didn't know each other. I didn't reply either. I carefully searched the records and found that my boyfriend didn't talk to her, but he was usually very low-key. How could a netizen give her a mobile number?
"My boyfriend was angry with me and sent a message to the woman in person saying, 'My girlfriend asked you not to send me any more messages in the future.' The woman replied, 'You're sick.'". This is the second time. For the first time, he confessed to me and said that he owed a lot. This time, he insisted that he didn't know what to explain. He didn't know why this woman sent him messages. He didn't answer them, and he had nothing to do with this woman!
I can't accept this explanation, but I can't ask anything more. "I mentioned breaking up, but my boyfriend didn't respond, and when I met, it was still the same as before. When I said it was urgent, let's calm down and calm down. It can kill people.". When I was with him for a month, it was also voluntary and unconscious. We had sex for the first time.
But I have never regretted it. I really like him, have feelings for him, and hope to have a result with him. But that doesn't mean I can tolerate betrayal! If I find conclusive evidence, even if I feel heartbroken, I will turn around and leave. The key is, now I don't know how to recognize this kind of thing! In the future, it's not that such a woman won't exist. Her boyfriend is a woman's friend who never speaks hard! Very attractive to women! What a tangle!
After talking to my mother, my mother said that since he had sent the woman a message in person, it meant nothing. It made me understand that things are not always perfect according to my own temperament. Friends, I feel like a 30 year old man who has been together for half a year has also had relationships, and many things have not been done enough. Let me not divide them first, then go on a blind date, see if there are other suitable ones, but I really am not the kind of person who can go on a blind date with a boyfriend!
Baby, how can I recognize such a problem? Is this a personality problem or a personality problem? "BF and I are indeed quite different in many ways. He occasionally says, 'We have very different personalities!'"! I want a warm man who loves me and lives as an ordinary person in Beijing. It's better to have money in the future, and it's good to have no money now! "But I don't know if BF is that person, and I can't bear to have feelings for him. We are sweet when things are good, but I won't waste time on someone who isn't worth it!"!
Expert response:
First of all, your boyfriend may not have cheated, but there is definitely a heart for cheating. Don't say anything just for fun. Will he talk and play and tell netizens that he wants to roll on the toilet floor? Will he tell netizens that he wants to take a slingshot and hit someone else's glass? Of course not! What he said is what he wants to do! As for the specific reasons for not doing so, it may be constrained by the reality, may be a deterrent to the spread of the disease, or may simply be inconvenient. But in summary, he has a heart that wants to do so.
You said that although you had sex with him, you still had to turn around and leave to catch conclusive evidence. I appreciate your attitude of not being trapped by the virginity complex, but the other question is: even if you can find conclusive evidence now and turn around and leave, what about after marriage? Can I turn around and leave? After having a baby? During a woman's pregnancy, men can easily cheat. Can you beat up the child and turn around and leave? Can you turn around and leave when the child is already born and crying for feeding??? Can you turn around and leave at the moment when your child is taking the entrance exam?
From the description in your letter, your boyfriend should be considered as the type of honest people who are not particularly honest. He should not have experienced too much love, and he is sincere to you. However, he is sincere to you, but it does not mean that he is absolutely devoted to you. If you really intend to continue dating with him, you must be prepared for his cheating after marriage. Because only 25% of men are unfaithful before marriage, and as many as 50% are unfaithful after marriage. If loyalty were a test, he would not be able to leap from being a quarter of the underdog to being a top student for more than 50% of the others.
Girls' youth is very brief, precious, and rare. There is a joke that says: Men are the most romantic. Boys aged 20 like girls aged 20, men aged 30 like girls aged 20, men aged 40 still like girls aged 20, and men aged 80 still like girls aged 20. The funny point of this joke is that it cleverly names male flirtatiousness in the name of exclusive affection, making people feel interesting due to the sense of disharmony in this sentence. From this joke, it can be seen that it is necessary for girls to seize their most important moments and choose the most ideal partner for marriage.
Therefore, when a flower season girl discovers that her boyfriend is not loyal, if she feels that he is indeed a suitable marriage partner, she can go on a blind date on her own while interacting with him. This is not a quality issue or a moral issue, let alone a two pronged relationship, but an optimal allocation of your youth.
Of course, this kind of thing can easily provoke the other party. You need to weigh the pros and cons, or consider whether you can hide it, and under no circumstances should you use this to stimulate the other party. Many women simply feel that they shouldn't have multiple strikes, but it's difficult for them to break up hard, resulting in a lifetime of unhappiness in the hands of garbage men. Others were killed because they used such things to stimulate their boyfriends.
I think it's necessary for girls to dispel their guilt about going on blind dates behind their already unfaithful boyfriends. The meaning of marriage to women is similar to the meaning of sex to men. When discovering that he doesn't just want to get sex from you alone, you can also choose to give more than one man the chance to marry you.
Girls' youth is inherently more valuable than boys', and they should not be completely entrusted to a man who is not completely loyal because of the unrestrained relationship of love. You should make three smallpox a day. It's not too late to break up with a good partner. If you don't get it, there's no loss in coming back and marrying this unfaithful man.
