Post Date December, 03 2023
I am 38 years old. My family has four brothers and sisters. I am the eldest. Because of family matters, the third sister has been in conflict with me for five years. At first, we were all in a hurry. Later, when I understood, I put down my airs and made up with her. She doesn't mean to make up. She always talks with me without sharing her heart with me. They all said something superficial, but didn't say what they meant. She ignored me when I was in trouble or when I met something. I didn't care about these things, because we must have hurt each other in the past few years, because she listened to her mother's instigation. When my mother said I was not good, she followed her and slowly said bad things about the two of us from the middle, causing us to have conflicts.
At that time, I didn't handle it well, didn't sit down and communicate calmly, and scolded her once. Up to now, she is still bitter. In May, when she bought a house, the second sister opened her mouth and borrowed tens of thousands of dollars from me, but the third sister didn't borrow from me. I thought she would buy a house, and I lent her 20000 yuan on my own initiative. I told her at that time that life was so short, let's go.
I don't want the sisters to get so stiff, nor do I want to buy her with money, but I just want to ease the relationship, but I lent her the money. In order to ease the relationship, I put down my airs and made up with her voluntarily. She doesn't appreciate and doesn't care. Her attitude towards me is still so arrogant and exclusive. Even her children are not allowed to play with my children. Even when they are together, the third sister ignores my children. She is very friendly with her second sister and younger brother. She just excludes me and lists me out.
I talked to him again the month before. I asked her why she treated me like this? What is the reason? She said nothing. I think too much. I said: Third sister, your attitude shows that you are dissatisfied with me. How can you say that I think too much?
To tell the truth, I don't hate her anymore. What I want to ask for is, what can we do to ease our relationship and make it better? Second, in this case, what can I do to restore my dignity? What should I do now?
reply:
As the saying goes, sisters love each other deeply. No matter between brothers or sisters, based on the existence of blood relationship, they often present broken bones and tendons. In fact, brothers, sisters and siblings have been growing up together since childhood. That is the constant blood and affection. What is more precious than this strong affection in the world? Why not cherish it?
Of course, everyone as an independent individual, because of the existence of selfishness, because of the conflict of interests, because of the difference in personality and temperament, and even because of the difference in life philosophy, outlook on life and value orientation, it is inevitable that there will be such conflicts between brothers and sisters. But there are contradictions that are not terrible. They can be reconciled and eliminated through efforts.
As the eldest sister of the family, you should instinctively be more tolerant and tolerant in the process of getting along with your younger brother and sister. Perhaps, you may do well at ordinary times, just because of a misunderstanding or what, which leads to conflicts and estrangements between each other, you have your own grievances. But life is like this, it will not be so perfect, including family, friendship and love. It depends on how you face and deal with it.
I think that no matter between brothers and sisters or friends, we should ask more of ourselves and less of others when we get along with each other. Be more critical of yourself and less critical of others. Don't care about the temporary gains and losses, and learn to think from the other side's perspective, so as to promote the improvement of mutual relations. Otherwise, it is easy to get into trouble with each other.
For the contradiction between you and your three sisters, if you want to alleviate it, it is to be less considerate and more tolerant, not to mention the past, cherish every day now, and express it with concrete actions. I believe that as long as you do it, your sister will understand you one day. Even if she doesn't understand for a moment, and you do it yourself, it doesn't matter. Including your initiative to show your kindness to your sister, lend her money, and then lend it. You are doing your sister's love. If you are selfless, you don't need to worry about whether she accepts or not. She doesn't appreciate is her problem. But I believe she will slowly reflect on it. She is just holding her temper with you for a while. It's like playing together when you were young. As a sister, she is used to relying on you. She is always seeking your shelter and forbearance. She is angry and angry, because she may be used to it.
As for what kind of dignity you mean, what kind of dignity and face do you have between your sisters? My sister has always been your sister. Although she is deadlocked and confrontational with each other, I believe that if there is any major change to each other, no one can stand idly by. Of course, it's not easy to get along with others. Some people just don't know how to be grateful. Some people just want to take in their life. Some people are so selfish. They only think about your bad and don't care about your good. What you do can't affect them. There is nothing we can do about it. We can only look at it helplessly. The most important thing is to keep a distance. It's no big deal!
