When the Wenma marriage scandal made countless Chinese netizens lament that they no longer believe in love, American writer Charles Murray summarized several rules for a happy marriage in an article published in the Wall Street Journal. How can happiness knock on the door of marriage? This article may give you some insights.
Rule 1: Don't try to change your lover after marriage
Marrying someone with similar taste and interests, although it may sound clich é d, is a well-established rule.
If a person likes ballet but their spouse doesn't, it's okay. Anyone who is reasonable can show tolerance towards similar differences. But if you don't like their friends or appreciate their sense of humor, especially if you don't agree with their values, then break up. If the other party has personal habits that annoy you, it is likely to disrupt your marriage in the future. Historian and cultural scholar Jacques Balzan has found that the three major minefields that test sexual relationships are punctuality, cleanliness, and frugality. Balzan believes that no matter where you are in the spectrum, your spouse must be at the same point as you. "Some couples are always in debt, late, and can even find leftover pizza under the sofa mat, but they are very happy.
What you see now, what you will get after getting married. If you think that getting married will change your lover, then you are wrong. Either be prepared to accept shortcomings or forget them. Undoubtedly, in a long marriage, your spouse will change, but not in a way that you can predict or control.
It is absolutely important to truly like your spouse. People in happy marriages always say, "I married my best friend." In fact, a more appropriate description for a soul mate is, "Your closest friend, and you are sexually attracted to him or her.
Rule 2: Reduce ambition and learn to underestimate fame and fortune
Many young people hope to become famous, wealthy, or have both fame and fortune. There's nothing wrong with this.
But if at the age of 40, you love your job, have found a soul mate, have lovely children, and realize that you may not become rich or famous in your lifetime, then it is important to mature and face the ambitions of your youth.
Murray once watched a TV program about American business giant and famous producer David Geffen, and one of the scenes left him unforgettable to this day. The camera swept over Geffen's private plane, which was adorned with rows of leather seats and sofas. He sat alone in the back row.
Murray said that in their twenties and thirties, people may feel a hundred claws scratching their hearts because they are worried that they will not succeed. This sense of anxiety is one of the side effects of ambition.
Murray concluded that fame and wealth can indeed do something, such as healing the anxiety caused by ambition, but that's all.
Rule 3: Learn how to live by watching 'Groundhog Day'
Murray suggests that people watch a movie called "Groundhog Day" repeatedly. This movie was shot over 20 years ago, but it answers the most basic questions about happiness.
A weather announcer was sent to Poncey, Pennsylvania to report on Groundhog Day. He detested this task, despised the people and things there, and couldn't wait to return to Pittsburgh. But a snowstorm came and trapped him in Poncey. He woke up every morning on Groundhog Day, and the days repeated day by day.
In order to get rid of the repetitive life, he has fallen and committed suicide in vain, and every day he wakes up is still Groundhog Day. He complained to his sweetheart, who suggested that he take the opportunity to improve himself. From then on, he worked hard to understand his sweetheart, the small town he was in, took the initiative to help others, learned new things, and finally embraced the beauty and ushered in a new day.
A person who can only live on the same day can win a satisfactory life through their own efforts. What is more persuasive than this movie?