Post Date December, 03 2023
How to generate confidence? How do you make yourself feel valuable? What exactly is loving oneself? Does the so-called feeling of value and love for oneself mean seeking out one's own strengths and strengths? Or do you insist on a good explanation for your own shortcomings? I used to think that I should always increase my strengths, have more talent, have a better figure, and be more able to make up. Regardless of my appearance or personality, I should cover up my shortcomings and highlight my strengths.
Throughout our lives, we may pursue what we think is good, and we may even deny or escape from what we think is not good. "We hope that we are good, that we are good in the eyes of others, that hearing others say that we are not good will make us sad, and even deny being angry. We will be happy to hear our good things, and feel proud of this.".
But I finally found that as long as I keep thinking this way, I can't really love myself. Because no matter how you change, there will still be some voices inside that tell you that you still have shortcomings and you are still imperfect. You cannot compare with others. As long as we always want to be better, the reverse is actually telling ourselves that I'm not good enough now.
Without sunlight, there would be no shadows, and the stronger the sunlight, the darker the shadows. This is very scary. The more we strengthen the importance of positive energy, the greater the counterattack force of negative energy will be. Every thing, every trait, every existence, is accompanied by its own good and evil. Resisting and avoiding it does not make it disappear, but it is accompanied by repression and the reaction force that will one day come. Therefore, we are constantly avoiding, resisting, and denying, constantly enduring the pain and emptiness of trying to deny its existence.
Not long ago, I also hoped that because I was teaching, I could be good at everything, serve as an example to others, and become a person without weaknesses and shortcomings. To avoid the fact that I also have a shadow, because of the professional label, I think I should only have light. But that's not the case. The shadow accompanies every one of us, and no one can live without it, or have only pure good or pure evil.
Those who believe that they have only good and no evil, or that they have only evil and no good, are evading and resisting, and can only live their lives by deceiving themselves, because once they have a position, there will be front and back, and sunlight will inevitably accompany shadow, and beauty will inevitably accompany ugliness.
We always believe that we need to find the so-called advantages, capabilities, strengths, advantages, and so on. Indeed, we should know our own strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses, and what we can and cannot do to know where we are now. But these are just judgments about what others might think of us and serve as neutral information.
If we can accept our negativity, turn it into another motivation, and absorb the benefits of negativity, it will alert us, make us more cautious, and be more objective. Sometimes, weaknesses and shortcomings can instead be transformed into tools that are beneficial to us. Many things are not as absolute as we think they are. If there is any such thing as absolute, it is actually just a lack of broad vision and cognition.
In fact, whether it's positive or negative experience, positive or negative characteristics, as long as we clearly distinguish between good and bad, we will never be able to jump out of the frame of comparison with others. As long as there is comparison, there will be the concept of "not being good enough, he is better than me, I am not worth it, he is more valuable". Everything comes from comparison.
Once we rely on our strengths, strengths, strengths, and talents, our sources of confidence will only come from that, such as being beautiful, making money, reading books, being gentle, having ideas, and being lucky. However, once we meet someone stronger than us, our world will begin to collapse, and we will begin to believe that we are worthless.
The so-called good and bad are relative, even positive experiences, as long as we persist in positive experiences, positive experiences will make us unhappy. "If I often receive praise for certain skills, I will be happy at the moment, but if I do not perform well or someone performs better than me later, then I will be unhappy.". We also begin to feel inferior to our less or less desirable traits.
We must know what others may think of us, but we also do not need to equate how others think of us with how we think of ourselves. Those who are truly confident, stable, and resilient are actually just very receptive to their state of being anytime, anywhere.
"They don't think their strengths are particularly strong, or how special they are to escape reality, nor do they think their weaknesses are particularly useless, or how ordinary they are to give up on themselves.". Instead of comparing everything to yourself, you simply know where you are.
The pursuit of happiness will be accompanied by pain, because it will cause pain if it cannot be pursued, and it will also cause pain if it cannot be sustained if it cannot be pursued. The more we avoid suffering, the more likely we are to suffer. To accept pain, we can enjoy it well, because pain does not disappear because we do not accept it.
So is the so-called shadow, and so is the disadvantage. If we can accept our own good and evil, we can accept the good and evil of others. Good is no longer emphasized, evil is no longer excluded, and love arises.
