How to become a 'talkative' person

How to become a 'talkative' person?

Whether in work, life, or dating, we express our thoughts and share emotions through language. I think the so-called 'ability to speak' does not mean being selective about what others like to hear, but rather being able to better understand others' thoughts and appropriately express one's own wishes. Learning this skill well can be of great help in relationships, interpersonal relationships, or the workplace.

1、 Listening&Mastering the Rhythm

All annoying people who speak have a common trait, which is' completely disregarding others' feelings'.

I believe many people have encountered 'interrogative' interlocutors before. Opening the chat records between you and him, 90% of the 10 conversations were about him asking you various questions, ranging from where your parents work to your income and personal life. This "unique way of communication" gives you the illusion of being caught and interrogated by the enemy.

In addition, I also know some "performance oriented" speakers who rarely give you the opportunity to speak, constantly talking about their own exceptional skills and giving you a set of life truths, which is really annoying. They don't need normal communication, but eagerly turn every conversation into a stage and give everyone a free talk show, just to satisfy their passionate desire for performance.

You can certainly ask questions, but it is important to grasp the boundaries of frequency and privacy; Don't talk endlessly about yourself, give the other person some opportunities to speak. The pace of conversation is a very important thing, which determines whether you can communicate happily. By the way, if you don't dislike the other person, you can try smiling and maintaining a friendly expression.

Before any conversation, please remember to listen to the other person, rather than asking nonsense.

2、 Don't roast, be tactful

Maybe the custom of roast is too heavy, so people begin to think "roast" is a cool thing.

Sometimes, it's nice to watch roast jokes, but it's totally different when it comes to myself. You may be angry if you are roast by someone who is not close enough. In real life, apart from crosstalk actors, roast will not make you look funny and humorous, but will make people think you are "lacking in politeness and education". The annoying thing about roast is that you sprinkle a large basin of salt on the other person's pain to show "pointedly cheap taste". It can not help you solve any problems, but may make things look worse on the contrary.

If you want to be considered a well behaved person, then you must use more honorific and thank-you language. When asking for help, you should use polite language such as "please", "thank you", "I'm sorry to trouble you", "I'm not sure if it's convenient for you", etc. When the other party has made contributions to the project, say more "Thank you for your efforts in XX..."; When refusing someone's request, you can have a firm attitude, but you should use gentle language. You can say, "I'm really sorry, I really can't help with this matter. Would you like to consider other methods, such as. In short, don't leave with just one sentence, make the other person feel valued and respected.

3、 Accurately understand others' information

Many people are annoyed and unable to get to the point when speaking, often because they cannot accurately understand the information conveyed by others, or because they are arrogant enough to disdain understanding others.

When someone says a word to us, it actually conveys a message to us. Before giving back this information, it is necessary for us to analyze and process it.

Firstly, you need to assess the other person's emotions. Are they happy, depressed, or in urgent need of comfort? Secondly, you need to pause for a moment and extract in your mind what the other person is talking about. Also, why did he say that and what was his motivation. The next question is, what question does the other party want you to solve and answer?

At the beginning, using this method may be a bit tiring, but if you persist in thinking, you will find that your ability to speak will improve in a short period of time. Ultimately, the improvement of expression ability comes from thinking.

4、 Accurately express opinions

If A borrows money from you and you reluctantly say 'good', the other party will be happy, but you may not be; The promiscuous EX asks you to reconcile. If you say 'no problem', the other party will be overjoyed and go home to have a good sleep. From then on, your nightmare will begin.

Before speaking, don't promise something you don't want to do just to make the other person happy; Especially when facing important commitments, please feel your heart and ask, "What do I hope this thing is like?" "What do I really want. You can make the other person feel very comfortable in your attitude, but in specific decisions, you must follow your own heart.

After clarifying your stance, you need to organize the tedious ideas in your mind in the order of 1, 2, and 3. After the ideas and context become clear, you can try to convey the information to the other party one by one.

In summary, before speaking, it is important to think clearly and avoid hasty nonsense and promises, let alone throwing messy thoughts onto others. A structured expression is like a popsicle in the summer of 37 ° C, bringing a refreshing pleasure to people; By using organized expressions in the workplace, colleagues and bosses will also find you more professional and trustworthy.

5、 Identify with the other person's feelings

When the other party feels very bad, pretending to be aloof and tossing off a few words, "Life is like this," and "This is your choice," it's really annoying. Who doesn't understand these big principles, and who won't say them? Sometimes, when friends seek advice and confide in us, it is actually a manifestation of trust in us. They believe that the fragility of this moment can be shared with us.

No matter what can be done for him or not, at least confirm his emotions first, and do not be stingy with comforting words and warm hugs.

Sometimes, being recognized is the best healing medicine; For friends who are in trouble, a sentence of 'I understand you' and 'Don't cry, I'm here' is more comforting than any reprimand.

6、 I'm not teaching you flattery

Some people may worry and ask, "Is learning to speak equivalent to giving up on their true selves?

My answer is, when you were a baby, you cried incessantly. Now that you understand restraint, does it mean you have lost yourself? Of course not, everyone evolves or degrades with time and experience, and different stages will have different versions of you.

We are no longer teenagers, and it is quite childish to use the excuse of "I don't want to lose myself" to avoid correcting ourselves. Playing cool is indeed important, but it's better not to play cool on key things.

I do not agree with the values of flattery and flattery, nor do I advocate for everyone to do such things. Learning to speak does not emphasize this, it emphasizes taking care of and understanding others, as well as expressing oneself accurately and systematically. It is a skill that can improve the quality of life, just like learning cooking or playing the cello.

Whether you believe it or not, language is always a very important thing. It has both the power to warm the heart and the ability to make you feel extremely painful. It is not only unpredictable but also has unpredictable magic. Through communication with friends and loved ones, we gradually come to believe that 'I am not alone in this world'. Therefore, please cherish this special skill of humanity, master it seriously, and treat it seriously.