Gender Marriage: Test, Did you pass your marriage this year
Perhaps for emotions, the new atmosphere of the New Year is also in need of a new atmosphere that straightens things out. On January 1, 2011, at the beginning of the New Year, the China Marriage and Family Counseling Service Research Center launched the "Annual Marriage Examination" service for the first time. In the past, the conventional premarital check-up that people knew only remained at the level of physical condition, i.e., a premarital check-up; Today, this concept has been extended to the depth of emotional status, advocating annual check-ups.
Average score for each spouse on a table
When the dopamine of a loving man or woman is stirred by the trivialities of life, marriage becomes less adorable, and sometimes even a bit disgusting. "The ability to love may not be learned, and the level of emotional intelligence can temporarily be attributed to family genetics, but the lesson called marriage depends on acquired cultivation.".
Is it possible to take a pulse in marriage, like a routine medical examination, to prevent problems before they occur? At the beginning of the 2011 New Year, there is at least one encouraging answer to the above questions. This is a quantitative table for diagnosing marital status issued by the China Marriage and Family Counseling Service Research Center. Since New Year's Day, this free "annual marriage examination" service has quietly emerged in Shanghai.
In this quantified marital physical examination form, each partner has 10 advantages and 10 disadvantages; The things that the other person has moved me the most and saddened me the most; The time spent together between two people, whether they have established common living habits, and whether they still have personal charm when they are at home or outside; How many quarrels have you had in a year, and have there been any signs of violence or domestic violence; Whether there have been mental or physical infidelities, and whether the other party can forgive them; Whether they respect the privacy of the other party and have peeked at their mobile phones, computers, QQ, and emails; Whether to find ways to investigate the other party; Whether there is private money, and how much is it; Who is better for each other's parents or their own parents; Whether there are differences on the issue of children's education... This annual marriage checklist covers a wide range of issues, involving various trivial details of marital life, and provides a true answer in duplicate through the joint participation of both spouses. Perhaps, people are accustomed to scoring performance indicators and performance, but few people have thought that the performance of marriage can also be presented through a quantitative table, one by one, with grades and symptoms. However, this annual marriage examination, based on the obtained scores, is ultimately conducted by an experienced marriage analyst to issue an annual examination report that provides constructive guidance.
Ming Li, the deputy director of the center who participated in the development of the marital physical examination form, told LiveWeekly that it takes an average score from the scale that couples answer separately, with a total score of 90-95 points, and is considered a high-quality and happy marriage; The score is about 80 points, and marriage is OK; A score of 70 points can still make do; A marriage of 60 points can only be casual; Those who score below 60 are failing grades and are in urgent need of remedial courses. "The result of making up for classes usually means two outcomes. One is to make up for the marriage index by making up for classes, and both parties can regain happiness. The other is not optimistic. For marriages that are hopelessly frustrated and have reached the 'terminal stage of cancer', we will kindly remind them to consider separating," Mingli said.
Sub healthy marriages are more willing to undergo annual examination
"Those who are willing to take the first step in a marriage medical examination are often the vulnerable parties in the marriage relationship. However, most people's marriages are in a state of sub health, with more or less defects, but not life-threatening." The launch of this service was less than a week ago, and the center has received nearly 100 couples' visits, with more than 75% being between the ages of 40-55. Unfortunately, there are still many people whose twilight love has turned into twilight scattering, and their former relatives have turned into enemies. Mingli told reporters: "For couples who have been married for 10-20 years, the problem does not change overnight, and the escalation of conflicts has evolved from quantitative to qualitative changes, culminating in regret. This also illustrates the need for annual marital inspections. However, changes in family structure at different times can also change the stability of marriage. Just like after a woman becomes pregnant and adds new members to the family, there will be subtle changes in the marital relationship. After all, marriage is a dynamic chart, so "We advocate a yearly inspection cycle."
However, for a strong partner in a marriage relationship, they often resist such a marriage examination form. In Mingli's view, resistance itself, on the contrary, also explains the "hidden reef" that may exist in this marriage. For those who come alone for counseling, they often need to fill out a marriage hazard questionnaire, which has a total of 50 questions, such as "I am restless every day, and I have no intention of taking care of my children", "Almost all of my property is earned by me hard", "I have the urge to scold him severely and hit him cheerfully", and so on. The higher the score, the higher the risk coefficient.
These two days, in a phone call from the China Marriage and Family Counseling Service Research Center, there was such a couple. The man has been married for four years and has a fortune of tens of millions. His current wife is 20 years younger than him. The two of them have a good relationship and gave birth to a boy two years ago. Having experienced the failure of the previous three marriages, I feel more cherished and precious for my happy husband today. He bestowed all the blessings of heaven on his precious son. Recently, however, he and his wife have realized the potential crisis around them. The signal came from the eldest daughter of the first wife. "My daughter lives with them, and my father and family take great care of my younger brother, making my daughter jealous.". Once upon a time, my wife read in her daughter's diary, "Is it just because I'm a girl? Ignoring me like this? I must retaliate." The family's originally happy life was disrupted, and everyone became frightened like a thief. Mingli believes that "sometimes the annual marital examination detects not only problems between a couple, but also problems in family and interpersonal relationships."
Happiness in marriage still varies from person to person
The attempt to assess the health of marriage also means that people's awareness of maintaining marriage concepts has increased. However, physical indicators can be calculated using sophisticated instruments to determine whether they are healthy or not, and can marriage indicators really provide a clear answer through quantitative performance? In the reporter's opinion, in fact, qualitative marriage is still risky. After all, marital happiness comes from feelings that vary from person to person.
"Marriage life must eventually tend to be flat, and being able to stick to it is the true meaning of happiness." Mingli saw this scene in the elevator a few days ago: A couple of old wives just bought from the supermarket, my husband is 80 years old, and my grandmother is 78 years old. "Obviously, Grandma has more things in her hand than Grandpa, but she still tries to grab what her husband has in his hand and help him share more.". Mingli couldn't help laughing and debunking Grandma, but Grandma seriously said, "There are too many things in the old man's hand, I'm afraid he can't hold them." Perhaps, at the same time, the grandfather thought of robbing Grandma's hand, only to be interrupted, and he still had to speak out in the future. Mingli said that the interaction of small steps is the most touching thing, which is happiness.
Dialog
Annual marital examination is a concept
Life Week: What kind of couples do they get high marks for pre marital testing?
Mingli: Generally, if you are newly married within two years, the annual examination score will be higher, and the happiness index will also be higher. However, for couples who fail, especially those with particularly low scores, they often do not disclose their specific scores, and do not want to extinguish a glimmer of hope for marriage.
Life Weekly: Do you think the current marital medical examination form is complete?
Mingli: Currently, it's still in the exploratory stage. I think there are many aspects that need to be improved. In the future, we will further refine the setting of questionnaire questions. For example, set different evaluation content for cases of first marriage, second marriage, and third marriage or above. Finally, give guidance based on the score.
Life Weekly: The annual marriage inspection actually advocates an idea, which is to have a sense of self reflection on marriage. Can it be completed through self inspection?
Mingli: Men and women in marriage often have a fascination with the situation. Even if it may seem to outsiders that marriage is already incurable, it is still possible for the parties to remain lost in this dilemma. In fact, someone needs to give them some advice.