Post Date December, 03 2023
I have been married to my wife Huizi for four years. Since the first day of our love, that "boyfriend" (called him Dongba) has been around my life like a soul. The marriage with my wife is the line that my boss gave me, and the east is his son. At that time, I was still an ordinary employee in the company. The boss saw that I was capable and nice, so he introduced his daughter Keiko to me.
When we first met at the coffee shop, Huizi took Dong with her. At first, we thought it was her relative. Finally, when the three of us got up to say goodbye, Dong patted Huizi on the shoulder and said to her, "This is a good boy, you can't miss it." After he introduced himself, I realized that he was the son of his boss, and Huizi grew up with him. Generally speaking, a girl would take her girlfriend or family with her, but Keiko came with her good friends. I didn't think much about these details at that time. Maybe her family asked him to check it out.
When falling in love, Huizi told me that her parents and Dong's parents were alumni in college. The two adults also got along very well after working and getting married. Dong was one year older than her. In Huizi's eyes, Dong loved and took care of her like an elder brother. From childhood to adulthood, she was Dong's follower, who bullied her, Dong always took the responsibility of protection. The embarrassing things between them in childhood were the purest memories of their adulthood.
I once jokingly asked Huizi, "East is also excellent. How come you didn't develop in love when you grew up together?" Huizi glared at me: "You have to be a husband and wife since you grew up? We are good friends who know each other, can speak intimate words, and even can go shopping together. Love and friendship are two different things."
At that time, I didn't feel that the existence of Dong would affect my life, but what made me very uncomfortable was that Huizi and Dong got along a little casually. It's no exaggeration to say that we dated each other ten times, and Dong's figure was found in eight of them. It was the time of love, and there was always a "light bulb" beside us, which was also a little awkward. Once, I asked Huizi to climb a mountain together. I didn't expect that there was Dong who came with her. It was originally a sweet date between two people, which became a "trip of three people".
Huizi was tired, and Donghui took the initiative to reach out to pull her, help her with her bag, and pass her water. Dongliu's natural consideration made me look more than enough. I told Huizi the small pimples in my heart. She laughed and said that I was careful: "I love you, and Dong is just like Big Brother. I don't feel like love with him at all. What kind of jealousy do you eat?" Maybe it's also my own heart. Who hasn't got a congenial confidant of the opposite sex!
There is always a hero suspected of "extramarital affairs" in marriage
To be careful, I have also carefully observed that Dong and Huizi are very natural in their normal contacts. I don't know that they really think they are brothers and sisters. Now they are only children, and most of them have not experienced brotherhood. It is also rare to have such extra-blood friendship. But when I entered the marriage, I felt that "boyfriend" made my family very disharmonious, because my wife sometimes could not tell the position of me and Dong at all, and her love and perception seemed to be distributed to two different men at any time.
I remember that we both got our marriage certificates. One day, Huizi went shopping and bought me a light blue shirt. When she came home, she took out the clothes and let me try them on, Huizi said, "I bought one for Dong, too. You are both the same height and skin color, and you are the most handsome in blue." My wife's words made me uncomfortable: "You also buy clothes for Dong?" "What's the matter? I often buy clothes for him." My question seemed a little surprising in her eyes. I have never touched this blue shirt. It gives me a lot of creeps to think that another man is wearing the same clothes his wife bought.
I can only keep these small things in my mind. Talk to my wife. I'm afraid she will say that I am small. Besides, they are really nothing. Although I usually remind my wife that it is best to keep a distance from Dong when they are married, Huizi always says that Dong is just like his brother, and there is nothing to avoid. Finally, these little grudges caused conflicts between our husband and wife.
It was the first time that we quarreled over trifles after our marriage. Both of us were in high spirits and would not let anyone. Huizi picked up the bag and left the house in a rage. She didn't come back all night. I thought she went back to her mother's house. The next morning, she went to her mother-in-law's house to pick her up. When I went to my mother-in-law's house, I didn't see my wife, so I asked her. She was surprised: "Huizi hasn't come back? Are you two angry?" My heart was also a little flustered, worried about the accident of my wife. The mother-in-law slapped her head: "It must have gone to the east. The girl went to her east brother's house as soon as she was angry."
At that time, when Dong was not married, a married woman quarreled with her husband and went to the "boyfriend"'s house. Isn't that a little unreasonable? Seeing that my face was not good looking, my mother-in-law seemed to understand something, and explained to me immediately: "Don't worry, little Pan. Huizi has been like this since she was a child. Her parents' home is similar to her second home. She will go there when she is a little aggrieved, and I will talk about her when she comes back." In the face of the old man's kind words, I can only smile reluctantly.
Knock on Dong's door, and Huizi is in his house. At that time, when I went in, Huizi was still sleeping in the east room. I really didn't get angry, but I still couldn't get angry. Dong and his parents greeted me warmly when they saw me coming. Dong's father smiled and said, "Huizi has been crying all night with me. Hurry to coax her." Dong also advised: "There is no quarrel between husband and wife. Last night, I advised her for a long time. We are men. Please let her more. This girl is spoiled by us."
At that time, I really thought I was an outsider. It seemed that Dong was her husband. After taking Huizi home, we quarreled again: "You are a woman with a family. You are angry and run to other people's homes, and you still sleep in other men's bedrooms. Don't you think it's too much
Huizi refuted without showing any weakness, accusing me of not being generous with men. I responded angrily to her: "What do you think if I also have a 'girlfriend' and run to her in anger? We are husband and wife, and we should consider each other's feelings when doing things." My question made Huizi stop arguing. It seems that if I really go to the 'girlfriend' house, she can't stand it either.
Do men and women outside marriage really have pure friendship
Later, Huizi also realized that she could not get along with Dong as casually as she did when she was single. With marriage, she had to take care of the peace and beauty of the whole family. She also deliberately alienated Dong. With Dong's marriage, each other has a family, especially Dong's wife. Because of women's sensitivity, she rejects Huizi very much. Even when Huizi goes to visit Dong's parents, she will show her dissatisfaction on her face.
Don't blame Dong's wife. Love is really exclusive. Although the relationship between Huizi and Dong is not as close as before, some things are still hard to accept, just like the suspicion of "extramarital affairs", and there are always some small waves in your peaceful life.
Last autumn, Dong's grandmother died. This year's Tomb Sweeping Day is the first memorial day for the old man. Because the old man's tomb is in his hometown in the countryside, Dong's family has no time to go back to his hometown for burial on the Tomb Sweeping Day. According to the custom, at midnight on the Tomb Sweeping Day, they burn some paper money in the direction of their hometown to express their grief. Ordinarily, it had nothing to do with me, but a call from Dong's wife made me feel that "boyfriend" had brought unhappiness to both families.
On the morning of the second day of the Tomb Sweeping Day, I received a call from Dong's wife. When I answered the phone, I could clearly feel her anger: "Little Pan, don't care about Huizi in your family. Dong burned paper for his grandmother. What did she do?" I didn't know that his wife and Dong went to burn paper together. I also explained to her that Huizi had returned to her home the day before. "Of course she lives at her mother's house. Ask her what time she came back to her mother's house. Why do you like wearing a green hat?" This sentence completely angered me: "Enough, take care of your husband." I hung up angrily, immediately sent a message to Huizi, asking her to hurry home.
As soon as Huizi entered the house, I asked her angrily, "What did you do yesterday?" "At my mother's house, you don't know." "When did you go back?" My wife seemed to feel something, She was a little aggrieved: "I'm not afraid of your suspicion. I went to burn paper for his grandmother with Dong, and finally Dong sent me back." "Who is he? Let other men take you back to your home in the middle of the night. You are not afraid of others gossiping. Do you know how his wife hurt me?"
My series of questions, Let Huizi cry with anger: "Why can't I burn paper? When I was young, I was almost taken care of by Dong's grandmother. I also have feelings for the elderly. Why are you so narrow-minded? Can't married men and women have pure friendship?" I shouted angrily to my wife: "Shut up. From now on, you will be completely separated from your 'boyfriend', or you will be divorced. Don't keep it dark all day long and make the two families uneasy."
I know my own daughter-in-law best. My husband and wife have been together for more than four years, and I also know her character. But in life, there is always a "boyfriend" who is so close, can it not make people think elsewhere? All friends who know the inside story say that I am full and have nothing to do. Such an excellent daughter-in-law is willing to be suspicious. They also told me with the magnanimity of super energy that marriage is such a thing. You must not have "emotional cleanliness", otherwise this day will be really impossible.
But what makes me sad is that I have been making trouble for such a "boyfriend" all day long, which makes both of them unhappy. When I work in the company, Dong's father saw me explain all the time, and Dong also sent a message to guarantee their innocence. Why do you think it is so hard? If you don't go so close, it will be all right.
I always remember my wife's question: "Can't a married man and woman have pure friendship?" It's really impossible to answer her. Anyway, I feel that the relationship between men and women is very delicate, and that scale is not easy to grasp. To tell the truth, my story is very simple, and there are no ups and downs. Especially when a big man confides in this matter, some people will laugh at me. But I just want to ask you: can men and women really maintain pure friendship after marriage?
Comments:
The reason why some women like to make friends like "male girlfriends" is that men can analyze problems objectively and rationally, and are women's close friends at the spiritual level. But this kind of friendship seems only suitable for single people. Couples in marriage should first consider each other's feelings when doing things. Evidently, Keiko's approach was inappropriate, and she did not put herself in her husband's shoes. After all, love is selfish and exclusive.
"Whether men and women have pure friendship" may never be a sure answer. The friendship between men and women is like a layer of gauze. If you are careless, you will lose the slightest bit. It is very difficult to grasp this degree. It requires great wisdom. Finally, I would like to say to Pan Yue that marriage needs more trust as the foundation. Excessive suspicion will rot love. Rather than suspicion, it is better to use trust to make the family peaceful. Marriage also needs a moderate amount of free breathing.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
