Do you think you are good or bad

One of the feedback I often get when I am consulting or answering relationship questions for a case is that I think you are right. My friends say that it is his problem that is scolding him. Only you can tell me a more balanced view,

Because even if my friend said that, I also know that I have to take a lot of responsibility for the problems in this relationship. I know he is not such a bad person. Every time I hear such feedback, I also feel the necessity of a neutral position, because most people are based on the position of friends,

As for the interests that do not want to trouble and destroy the relationship, it is impossible to question whether you should also review in this relationship when you appear to be a victim. That is why I want to write this article today.

But aside from the one-sided comments of friends' morality, perhaps a more neutral perspective is more helpful for you to meet a good man/woman in the future?

First of all, I want to ask the friend who is reading this article, do you think you are a good person or a bad person?

More than 90% of people think they are good people, right? Because if we think we are bad people, our sense of guilt will begin to erode our lives and make us unable to sleep. Therefore, each of us must have a set of logic that can make our behavior legitimate, or in other words, we will not deliberately do bad things until we are sure that our behavior has a certain degree of rationality and legitimacy.

At least there is absolutely reason to take your own perspective and position. No matter whether there is any problem with logic, at least we can know that everyone has his own reasons and reasons for what he does.

Let me ask you another question. When facing your parents, do you think you are a good person or a bad person? When seeing this problem, many people may be shocked and start to think whether they are good or bad when facing their parents? Maybe I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm definitely not a good person with a good attitude. Let me ask you another question, are you a good person or a bad person when you are facing a person you hate?

I believe that when you see this, you will think that you should be more inclined to the bad people when facing the annoying people, right? If all three of you answer "good", then you may be a saint or the world's top hypocrite. (Laughter) Well, in summary, are you a good person or a bad person? Or both? When I am a bad person, it is because the other person is very annoying, annoying, annoying, and cocky. This is the so-called cognitive bias. In order to protect the bias built by the world I built, I owe all my good deeds to myself and all my bad deeds to others.

So let's look back at this question. If we all agree that we will have different attitudes and opposites when facing different people, how can we put all the responsibility for meeting bad people on the other side?

If the other party is so bad to everyone, then of course, the other party may have a bigger problem, but what if the other party is not so bad to everyone? Even if he only treats you like this? Or do you know that he is very kind to other people, and is willing to promise or spend money on them?

At this time, is your reason to say that the person is more upright/thin/handsome/rich? This is another error formed in order to protect the world I built. As long as I put the responsibility on the things I can't change, I don't have to bear the responsibility of not being liked.

Although these words are very serious, in fact, they are. You will be treated like this. Most of the time, it is not because you are not good enough, not handsome enough, or for those other bullshit reasons, but because you let the other party treat you like this.

Maybe you think you need to work hard and do something to be liked by the other party when facing the other party. The underlying line is that I think I am not as good as you, so I have to be patient, cater, change my standards, pay, spend money, dedicate... to get your/your favor. Maybe it is after you like the other party, maybe it is from the beginning. This is the real reason why you meet bad people. If the other party is bad to everyone, there is no exception. If it is not for this mentality, this person will not become your target at the beginning, because it is to treat the relationship with my equal attitude with you.

Of course, I don't mean that when you have this kind of mentality, others have the right to treat you badly. It's about recognizing that what others will do to you has a lot to do with what premise and mentality you use to face the relationship.

It is not that you are bad or you are wrong, but that your mentality, state and act are wrong. As long as your mentality, state and act are changed, our situation will become different.

Each of us is like carrying some fixed chemical substances with us. Those fixed properties are like our personality, reactions to things, etc., which will affect what other chemical substances that react with us will produce. If you have hydrogen atom, it is impossible to produce something without hydrogen atom in the chemical formula.

In addition to this mentality, there is another big reason for encountering bad objects, usually because they deceive themselves. In order to be with each other and make each other become their own object, we will find excuses for each other for this purpose, especially when the conditional characteristics (common situation of boys) or feelings (common situation of girls) of the other party are closer to the surface of the ideal object we imagine, the easier it is for us to find excuses for each other and beautify their behavior

Because there are more and more feelings for investment, and love can't stop. In order to maintain the purpose of liking the other party, more bad or obviously deceptive behaviors of the other party will be justified. Many people will ask where the good man/good woman is going? Why do I meet bad people? When I type out the relevant text, someone will leave a message below about the question of luck. I really want to give him a break. What's the question of luck? This kind of person is usually full of excuses. My good is my credit, and my bad is everyone else's fault. When you become a person who will make others want to be a good man/woman, good objects will continue to appear, and bad objects will be filtered by you at the beginning. So even if you are not lucky enough, you will not be unlucky because you cheat yourself, okay? It is your own decision whether to let others cheat you!

Unless you really admit that you are stupid enough, don't blame luck any more. To change your life, start with yourself.