Is it true that every one of us is far away in this generation? This is a relationship exercise for modern people. If you clarify your heart, you will not be afraid of occasional lonely invasion. In the past, the sun has become slow. Cars, horses and mail are slow. Life is only enough to love one person. In the past, time was slow and it was not easy to get in touch, so we cherish the temperature in our hands. Some people said that the distance between us would stretch our feelings, but some people said that love is like this. Because of a promise, we would use our youth and other noisy days to silence and wait for a long time to tell the meaning of love; For a moment, I was willing to give up the vast freedom for one person, and walked with my lover for a long time with gentle eyes.
Modern people refer to long-distance love, like directly sentenced to death for love. When lovers hug in the street, you can only look at him in the window to relieve loneliness; When I feel very aggrieved, I can't find his chest buried, I can only strongly remind myself not to cry, and remember to look up when I feel aggrieved; The communication software is developed, but the information that is often missed is like a time difference of love, which makes each other give expectations in exchange for helplessness.
According to the study of Laura Stafford of Ohio State University, the two major factors that make long-distance love impossible to last are: "disillusionment" and "insecurity". The so-called disillusionment is to beautify the imagination of the partner, but the actual relationship is found to be inconsistent with the imagination, and the idea of separation arises. The sense of security needs to be based on the trust of the two people, through sharing life and revealing their true emotions, Build trust bit by bit.
The three exercises belong to modern people. Although they are close, the distance between our hearts makes us feel like we have experienced a long distance, and the pain is also so confusing.
Timely express your love: the busy life that you can't help, don't forget that your feelings need to be managed
Love is that I am willing to live my life with you everyday.
Your daily life starts with the alarm clock for business affairs, and you can't stop on the busy day when you open your eyes. You feel that you live flat. Lunch time is matched with unfinished letters, and you stay up late before going to bed to prepare tomorrow's meeting documents. In these involuntary busyness, you forget that emotions need to be managed, and often miss the messages of your loved ones, unable to share each other's emotions in real time, and each other's insecurity is the cause, Once shared tacit understanding turned into plain mutual respect.
Exercises for modern people: Remember to express your concern at the right time. It is inevitable to miss the message of your lover. But don't let this loss become a habit. According to John Gottman, who has studied intimacy for a long time, the key to affecting the intimacy in love is whether we can catch the needs of the other person when he needs it. Try to explain your difficulties to your partner, and speak out your partner's expectations in the same way, so that your spouse can understand that even if life is busy, you still have his needs in mind.
Schedule time for each other: Although the days are in a hurry, create memories of each other that cannot be forgotten
Love is, no matter how busy the day is, I am always willing to leave a blank on the calendar for you and fill it in with each other.
On Christmas Eve, you wander in the street with your friends, thinking of your lover who is away from another country for business; The countdown bell of the New Year is so harsh, and the crowd in the square is jubilant. He is still working overtime at night. You are somewhat lost, but you can only say quietly in your heart: "Another year, I still look forward to living with you as I loved you at the beginning."
Exercises for modern people: Although the days are in a hurry, you who always stagger the time because of life, don't forget to set aside a night, look at each other's time, and schedule the holiday for meeting. According to the research of Stafford&Merolla, having idealized expectations of partners is likely to lead to the breakdown of a long-distance relationship. Through regular interaction and sharing, we can create memories belonging to each other. In addition to deepening the sense of intimacy, we can also talk with each other for a long time, know more real each other, and avoid the occurrence of over-beautifying partners.
Recall our shared life experience: as long as we are firm in our hearts, we are not afraid of the occasional invasion of loneliness
Love is the process of domesticating each other, making our love unique.
You are each other's youth. After passing through the tender youth, you watched each other grow into the present. Later, you came out of the society, had your own life circle, met more people, separated from your partner, and gradually different topics. You suddenly felt that the world was suddenly vast, and your loneliness made you wonder whether the love in your youth still met your expectations in adulthood?
According to M Carole Pistole pointed out that one of the most important factors in maintaining the relationship between long-distance lovers is the past contribution of each other. Because of the good memories of the past and the life experience shared by each other, your love is unique.
For modern people, you grow up with your lover and become a youth of each other. When loneliness strikes, remember to recall the life experience shared by each other. The original intention of love makes you the only one in each other's life. As long as you are determined to continue to love, you are not afraid of lonely invasion occasionally. In this generation, the definition of so-called long-distance love may no longer be limited to physical distance. When two hearts are no longer close, and two people are no longer willing to work for each other, perhaps each of us has spent our lives practicing in long-distance exercises, practicing to love well in each love, practicing to understand our own hearts, and practicing to look back at the nature of love. Maybe love is that we have two people close together, and still can enjoy one's independence, Practice keeping your own life while cherishing your exclusive intimacy with each other.