Post Date December, 03 2023
I just want her to hate me. When you love someone, I hope they also love you. Similarly, when you hate someone, I hope they also hate you, not when you don't exist. This wonderful mentality should be shared by everyone.
During that time, my desire was particularly strong, possibly ignited by hatred. I raped her several times a night, which was a strange description of our sexual life. However, at that time, my feelings were just like rape, and I think her feelings were probably the same. Even when she started menstruating, we didn't stop this strange sexual activity until she got vaginitis.
That time she went to the Municipal Maternal and Child Hospital for examination, a female doctor in her 50s found that she had vaginitis and repeatedly told her not to have sex, otherwise the condition could worsen and turn into uterine cancer or something.
At night, Chen Lijuan told me about it in bed, and I sneered a few times. Without saying a word, she began to pick up her clothes. She pushed me hard, and I pushed away her hands. She had no choice but to kick her feet around. I held her feet down and slapped her hard, causing her to burst into tears. I pressed her under my body, took off her pants, and directly inserted her. She let out a scream of surprise, crying desperately, and slowly her cries subsided. When I finished venting and left her body, the cries became louder again, and later on, it was truly heart wrenching. I covered her mouth and shouted, 'Don't cry,' and she looked at me with frightened eyes and nodded.
I let go of my hand, and she covered her mouth with her own hands. Her shoulders moved up and down, and I smoked a cigarette. I didn't know why my mood became increasingly irritable. She walked around the room and kicked the wardrobe fiercely, causing a big hole in the door. Until I left Beijing, this wardrobe with holes remained there.
After that night, I didn't have sex with her anymore. I slept on the sofa at night and had peace for several months. My temper became increasingly irritable. During that time, I had almost had a fight with everyone in the unit. Apart from the leader, there were several times when I almost got into a fight, causing my colleagues to keep away from me and not dare to provoke me. I often go out for drinks with friends at night, then come home drunk and just lie on the sofa and don't care about anything. Perhaps it was a feeling of distress. Back in 1994, when I was only 24 years old, a restaurant owner even guessed that I was 33 years old. My friend scolded me and I waved my hand and said, 'Forget it.' As soon as I raised my neck, I poured down 32 pots of water.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
