Respecting each other as a guest is a commendatory term to describe the love between husband and wife. There are allusions to prove that:
During the Spring and Autumn Period, Xi Rui, the minister of the State of Jin, was killed because of a crime, and his son Xi Jing was also abandoned as a civilian, working in agriculture for a living. However, he did not complain about the great changes in his living environment and personal fortune, but worked hard to earn a living while taking the ancient and modern sages as his teacher. His virtue grew with each passing day. Not only his wife admired him very much, but also the people he met for the first time.
Once I was in the field weeding. At lunch time, my wife sent the rice to the ground and knelt respectfully in front of her husband. But I was in a hurry to catch it and thanked her frequently. The husband and wife respected each other. Although the meal was crude, it was delicious.
This scene moved Jiu Ji, a doctor of the State of Jin who passed by, and talked about it. He thought that he was a talent for governing the country. He strongly recommended him as a doctor of the lower army. Later, he failed to make great contributions and became a doctor of the Qing Dynasty.
Respect each other as a guest applies to emotional life rather than sexual life
From the above allusions, we can see that the emotional respect between husband and wife is touching and represents the mutual respect between men and women. This is the expression of personal cultivation and cultural level. Without noble moral character and accomplishment, it is impossible to reach this level.
However, good things may not be applied to all things. People who are too pedantic and hypocritical often "wear their hats and wear their hats", thus making certain aspects of life "green and yellow".
Take sex life as an example, couples who are too "respectful as guests" may have this situation: the couple sits on the bed, the woman is gentle and quiet, and the man sits with serious eyes; The woman will not take the initiative and wait for the man to act; The man asks for advice first, while the woman is shy and submissive; The man dare not act rashly without getting an exact answer. However, in order to maintain his demeanor, the man still stood still. As time goes by, men try to do the "guest" work, but do not implement it at all. The result must be that the lust is consumed, and no one is in the mood to have sex.
In fact, sexual life does need etiquette, but this etiquette is not "respect each other as guests". Too rigid ideas tend to dogmatize people. For example, when fighting a fire, firefighters will not give in to each other and then rescue, but will rush to rescue.
The same principle applies to sex life. Women are shy about it. The so-called "can do but can't say" means that men can only wait if they don't take the initiative. A pedantic man often makes a woman exceed the limit of her waiting. If she is too hot, she will lose her sexual interest. In this way, she will be polite and her sexual life will be gone.
As a husband and wife, they have been living under the roof together. Sex is unavoidable. What can't be done if they have been sleeping together for a long time? When having sex, "being courteous and courteous" is like telling the local tyrants and evil gentry about morality, and the result is "casting pearls before swine".
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)