Post Date December, 02 2023
Today, coincidentally, two students mentioned to me the fear of being rejected. They told me that when they feel like they are about to be rejected, regardless of whether it really will happen, they will fall into fear. Therefore, they choose to retreat and avoid encountering greater setbacks.
This is a problem that many people have: how can I overcome being rejected?
Being rejected is not something that needs to be overcome, because rejection is quite neutral. The reason why we are afraid of being rejected is because being rejected connects us to me. We often associate rejection with me, thinking that it must be because I am not good enough, the other person doesn't like me, or I am annoying. However, let's carefully recall that you have had experience in rejecting others (direct sales, telemarketing, missionary) in your life. How many times have you rejected these people because you dislike them? More often than not, we refuse because we are not interested in this thing or because I do not have a need for it.
Rejected ≠ disliked
Speaking of this, another problem arises. Indeed, if I were a business person, I might understand that the other person doesn't need products, not because they dislike me, but what if it's about interpersonal or emotional issues now? I myself seem to be the main product in interpersonal relationships. If the other person doesn't need my product, doesn't it mean they don't like me?
At this point, we need to discuss another matter. We all know that Mercedes Benz and BMW are good cars, but for a ten year old child, will they buy a car? Or, for someone who doesn't know how to drive or doesn't have a need for a car, will they definitely buy a Mercedes Benz or BMW? Will those B's cry because these people don't buy them? Do you think Double B is a bad car because someone doesn't buy it? No, because as we all know, these people are not part of the Double B customer base. Just because they don't buy a car doesn't mean that Double B is terrible. But paradoxically, we often think that we are a bad car because some people who are not our customer base do not buy it.
When a person has no needs or your functionality does not meet their needs, it is very reasonable for them not to pay. It has nothing to do with whether you are good or not, but we tend to think critically: it must be because I am not good enough, otherwise they will buy. From another perspective, would someone who needs to transport elderly, children, wheelchairs, and safety seats with limited mobility buy a Ferrari sports car? Even if you don't understand cars, you know you won't, because elderly people can't climb into the back seat of a two door car. This is a matter of this person's needs, and it has nothing to do with Ferrari, so more often than not, it's not about how you are doing, but about how you are doing that has nothing to do with him.
So, in overcoming the fear of rejection, the most important thing is to separate rejection from self-worth, first understanding that being rejected is just being rejected, and has no absolute relationship with your own value. There are many reasons to be rejected, not just because you are terrible. After you can understand and believe that there is no inevitable relationship between the two, you can proceed with the next step.
Before we get here, we constantly emphasize one thing: being rejected has nothing to do with whether you are good or not, but there will definitely be people who want to ask: How can I make myself meet the needs of the person I want?
What to do is to develop his requirements
Basically, you don't have to meet their needs because you can't meet them either, unless you're referring to a need that doesn't put pressure on them or lives like a person. Meeting the needs of others is a very difficult task, especially for most people who are completely unaware of their needs. Since you cannot meet the other party's existing needs, what you should do is to develop their needs and make them feel that your kindness is meaningful to them.
Transforming from meeting the needs of the other party to developing their desires, just like luxury goods are not necessary for us, but if we have the ability, many people still want to have a famous brand, which is what we want. Why do people queue up to buy iPhones while shouting poverty when there are so many mobile phones? This is what I want. As long as the other party wants it, they will actively pursue you, rather than trying to satisfy them as much as you can.
