Post Date December, 03 2023
During my study in the UK, I met my current wife, Amy. She is a very lively and straightforward girl who has brought me infinite happiness and comfort in a foreign country. At that time, I felt that I had found the love in my life. No matter what difficulties and troubles I encountered in life, as long as she was there, the problem would be solved. She is both my girlfriend and my pistachio. She followed me home two years ago. At that time, my family was still opposed because they thought it was incredible to marry a foreign wife, and family's lifestyle was out of tune with us.
At that time, we were in love. It didn't work who said anything. It was impossible to separate us. But for a while after marriage, I realized that there was a problem. Amy's behavior was too different. It might seem normal to her, but after all, it was not in the UK. Many things are easy to cause misunderstanding.
For example, she dresses casually and wears all kinds of revealing clothes in front of my parents or friends. Whenever a friend comes to my house to play, she hugs and kisses, making others feel uncomfortable. Besides, she has no taboo to chat with others. She talks about everything, including our privacy, which makes me feel embarrassed. A lot of gossip has also spread among friends and neighbors.
The most important thing is that she is sticky and tired of me all day long. Whether I'm at work or at a friend's party, she always calls me for a reason and talks about some intimate topics. Once I was in a meeting and accidentally pressed the hands-free button, she even joked at the other end: "Husband, I want to kiss you." This made me very embarrassed in front of colleagues and superiors.
Not only that, but also family will often call my friends, ask them out, eat together or do some incredible things. Her unrestrained attitude towards life is beyond my imagination. I also told her many times that we should do as the Romans do, not too that. But she is so stubborn that I don't interfere with her freedom.
Anyway, there are more and more conflicts between us. Sometimes she quarrels, but she doesn't hate me, and makes fun of me. In fact, I also know that she has no other meaning. She has long been used to these behaviors. But the living environment is different. I really want to change her, but I am at a loss.
Don't mention how much my parents dislike her. My parents are more traditional. I feel that she is so casual and not serious. Now in the eyes of my relatives and friends, family is a wonderful flower. I don't care. I'm afraid of the pressure of public opinion, which makes me want to divorce. Is there any way to resolve this obvious contradiction between husband and wife?
Reply:
In fact, it is difficult to change a person's lifestyle, especially between different nationalities. Because many things have become habits, we can't blame her. Just as you are in her country, people also think you are strange.
Due to different living environments, there must be obvious differences in lifestyle, which is normal. Since you have chosen this love, don't give up easily. What others say is secondary. The most important thing is that you still love each other.
You know, she would not hesitate to stay away from her hometown, cross the sea, and come to live with you, because she gave her all to you and wanted to stay with you for life; Instead of being criticized, rejected or even abandoned by you.
Therefore, you should not try to change deliberately. It is better to slowly influence her from the perspective of emotion, let her read your true thoughts, don't hide it, and don't remind her around the corner. Instead, you should sincerely communicate with her, enter her heart, and let her know what the consequences of certain things are. Understand each other's culture, customs and lifestyle, consider problems from each other's perspective, and then solve problems from each other's perspective. Don't be self-righteous. What do I ask you to do, and why?
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a virtuous or vicious cycle. If they are very sensible and hide it, there will be more and more misunderstandings. Therefore, there should be no estrangement between family members, and there should be misunderstandings to be resolved face to face. In addition, you can let her read more Chinese books and movies and understand our customs and lifestyle, which is also a good way to resolve the gap.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
