Post Date April, 15 2023
My husband and I have been married for four months, and there were many unresolved conflicts before we got married. We were originally scheduled to get married next year, but due to an unexpected pregnancy, we had an early wedding.
My husband's shortcomings are that he lives in a divorced family and is deeply influenced by his parents' divorce. He is male chauvinistic, stubborn, emotional, and has a habit of suppressing rather than confiding in others. He also refuses to speak when asked, and others can only be in a hurry. Therefore, communication between me and him has become a big problem. I want to communicate with him, he is basically silent in response; The advantage is: strong sense of responsibility.
After marriage, I had a severe reaction to pregnancy and vomiting, and basically lay in bed. During this period, my mother-in-law came several times, and before each visit, my husband specifically reminded me that I must respect her. My husband is a very filial person, and I once told me that no one is more important than my parents, no matter what their parents are right or wrong, they cannot say. At that time, it happened that my husband's father was sick and he spoke coldly to me. I also felt disgusted with him and repeatedly reminded me not to make his parents angry, so we had an argument. He asked for a divorce and said he was too tired to feel the warmth of his family. He also said he would give me the house and car and have a child for him. I have been crying since I was asked to divorce during my pregnancy, but I have not disagreed with the divorce. Later, I asked him if he was sure? He said he was unsure again, and then it was over.
At present, I am five months pregnant. From the details of my life, I don't think he loves me very much. He is very frugal in his daily life, but he never spends money easily. When he doesn't have money, he uses all his savings to buy me the diamond ring I want and drives his best car for me. He drives his own rundown car, but I'm not sure if he really loves me or if I'm just the right person to marry him, I can imagine that in the future, if there is a conflict with his parents, it will definitely be me who will be affected. My husband and I have a big difference in our values, and coupled with the difficulty of communication, I feel that life in the future is very hopeless. What should I do now?
reply
Your marriage, because it did not follow a natural course from the beginning, and because there were conflicts before marriage, you had to choose to get married with a son. You hastily entered the besieged city and completed a ceremony, but did not receive a logical transition. This marriage is also full of blindness, so it is inevitable to encounter thorny problems in the future.
In fact, any couple or couple may inevitably have conflicts together, which is normal. However, how to find a way to prevent the conflict from intensifying and ensure the smooth resolution of the conflict tests each other's wisdom. It's not scary to have conflicts, what's scary is that there is no love between couples. Without love as support, marriage becomes a mere existence and ultimately becomes a cage.
Your husband's filial piety towards the elderly is not a problem, but a great advantage. It's just that his communication style with you is not right. He should not be so rigid and speak to you in a commanding tone. If he talks to you in a friendly tone, it won't make you feel uncomfortable and avoid arguments. Of course, if you think the other way around, if you consider that day, he may have a bad mood and a temporarily indifferent attitude, so his words are prickly. Understand that he just wants you to respect his mother and hope that you can get along well, because he thinks that his mother has gone through marriage and divorce for many years, which is not easy, then things will pass. Even if you are very angry, you should wait for him to stabilize your emotions and tell him that you cannot accept this harsh tone. I hope he can adjust as much as possible, won't it be better, and won't argue to the point of divorce, which shows that your temper is not so good either.
In fact, when couples are together, they should not be too serious. You don't know what kind of person your husband is, right? He may just not be able to speak politely, not very good at communication, and just so straightforward. I think there may be personality conflicts between you and your husband, which requires more tolerance and understanding from each other. He is stubborn and takes things seriously, so don't try to be like him. If both husband and wife take things seriously, how can they live. Actually, when he mentioned divorce to you, it was just a matter of anger. Of course, as a big man, he easily moved out the word 'divorce' when arguing with women, which I think is a bit excessive and needs to be condemned. But he has his problems, and you certainly have yours. Both of you are too irrational and lack a bit of control. Considering that you are already pregnant, even if you are considering the child in your womb, you should not make a big fuss. You will soon be a father and mother, so learn to take on more responsibility.
From his performance, he is willing to spend money for you, willing to invest in you, willing to buy you a diamond ring. I think this is also an expression of love. The reason why you cannot feel his love is because you may not only care about these aspects, but also need him to provide you with more care, compassion, and daily care and care in life, including asking for warmth and comfort from you, not speaking coldly, and so on. In fact, the biggest problem is still the lack of in-depth communication between you, each other not getting into each other's hearts, or perhaps the emotional foundation has not yet been fully established, and further enhancement and thickening are needed. Then, we need to work together.
Since you have entered this marriage and are already 5 months pregnant, let's be more rational and mature. Try to shoulder your responsibilities as much as possible, don't be emotional, don't think too pessimistic, learn to change, adapt, and break through. Marriage is sometimes a form of compromise, either making concessions in this aspect or that aspect. Otherwise, even if you choose again, there will still be new contradictions and facing your own problems, Adjust your mindset and see if you can overcome this dilemma in the end.
