Post Date December, 03 2023
One night, an angel came and planted a seed in my body, and I knew nothing about it. On July 1st, I received a B-ultrasound report from the hospital with three big characters written on it: Intrauterine pregnancy. I was cold all over. Unconsciously, the seed has grown into a pea. However, we cannot accept the gift of God because we do not have the blessing to have this angel. The angel should still go back where it should be. A withered seed is doomed to fail to bloom and bear fruit, because its flower, called the Bianhua flower, cannot exist in this world.
B. I returned to his home from the hospital, only to see another woman's bag of clothes. I cried then. Later, he told me that her hand had been scratched by the glass and she couldn't wash the clothes, so he brought them back for washing. Is it my fault, am I making trouble for nothing? "I'm pregnant, but my child's father is still involved with other women. Should I even put on a smile? I can't do it.". "We all had no choice, and these triangular disputes had nothing to do with the entire abortion process, but I still wrote them down.". "Because it's my child who really doesn't have the right to choose. He's only the size of a pea, but he can't make any choices at all.". We have already decided. Tears are dripping down again because of you, my child. I gently say to you, aureverie.
C, 7 said No. 1, and I started taking my medicine. The doctor said to take six yellow pills first. After eating, I had a period of nausea and stomachache. On the evening of July 2nd, it began to bleed, and I was afraid. The pain is torturing me, and I know it's because those drugs are torturing the child. So, let me share the pain with you. Because only I know your pain and that you still want to live. "He looked at me in agony and said, 'It's so annoying for you to scream like this.'". Yes, pain, after all, cannot be shared. "The blood stayed like this, and my vitality slowly faded away, paralyzing from my toes.". I lay in the dark, alone, sending one short message after another, saying that I would be back soon. I waited quietly, losing all my feelings. Child, let me bury you with my tears and blood.
D. There are always many people in the hospital. I shuttle between the 7 consulting rooms, the B ultrasound room, the pricing office, the prescription, and the testing office. Fortunately, he was with me. The doctor said you were pregnant Do you want to? I said no. What kind of class did she say you wanted? I said medicinal abortion. She said she was afraid that the medicinal abortion would not clean up. I said abortion hurts. She said it hurts before you remember it for a lifetime. I am speechless. She looked up at me with a strange look. I don't understand it as disgust. I am already 21 years old, although a little younger, although not as old as the women in the hospital. Shuttling between the first and fourth floors, I felt dizzy, but I still maintained a mechanical movement until July 3rd, when one of my feet collapsed into the operating room, and my back began to chill. I didn't know what fate awaited me.
E. On July 3rd, I was sitting in the operating room. The doctor hasn't come yet, and I'm beginning to fantasize. When I stopped my nonsense, the doctor came too. "I carefully asked, Doctor, what should I do?"? She said lightly, "Take these three pills, and then stay in the observation room for an hour. If it hurts, lie in bed.". There are three other people with me, and everyone is in a terrible pain. One person has vomited, but the doctor said that vomiting will reduce the efficacy. "He's waiting for me outside, I don't know what he's doing. Will he worry about me? Does he know how much I hurt?". My tears came down again, this time because of myself, because of the pain that pierced my heart. After half an hour, the doctor said the pain was certain. In another half hour, you should be more active, jump, and jump that thing off, no matter how painful it may be. I endured and walked out of the operating room.
F. I walked out and saw him looking at PALM. I told him what the doctor said. He smiled and said, "Okay, exercise.".. We first went down to buy oxytocin, and then he accompanied me around the hospital. "It hurts, I still have to barely move, and the cold sweat on my head is beginning to come down.". "My stomach suddenly hurts, and I went to the bathroom. I wish that thing would fall off quickly. I really hurt, and I began to hate that thing inside my body.". Yes, I hate him, I feel so painful. I went to the bathroom, but it didn't seem to fall off. I didn't look carefully. "My palace mouth hasn't been opened yet, because I don't have any blood, so I went to see a doctor.". The doctor said that the medicine was not strong enough, so I added the medicine, so I took the three pills again. I took a total of six. As instructed by the doctor, I jumped up and down the stairs, and people looked at me with strange eyes. Look, I'm a patient anyway, so if you want to see me, you can see.
G, kid, come down quickly, don't torture me anymore. Pain or pain, blood is also flowing down, more and more, I went to the bathroom several times but still didn't see anything fall down, depressed. So we went home. He held me, although it was painful, but I felt very happy, always hoping that that moment could last forever, and he could accompany me, alone. At home, while he was lying reading, I couldn't jump anymore. "I hope he can talk to me. He said it's tiring, yeah, we're all tired.". As we, we simply cannot bear everything that a child brings. It's just like this before we were born. What about being born? At 3:00 on July 3rd, I came to the hospital and said that the thing had not come down yet. The doctor said to do B-ultrasound because it was black and white and I had to hold my urine. I started drinking water so hard that I felt like vomiting. Why don't you come down yet? Jumping up and down like this is not as convenient as jumping off a building! The first time I went in, the intern said, "I didn't hold my urine well, so I had to go out and drink water again.". When I went in the second time, I also met a girl who was doing medical abortion with me. She was also young. The girl was miserable and didn't shed clean. The doctor said that the thing was missing, maybe it accidentally fell off. "It's just great. I'm indifferent to the death of that child, but I'm very happy that it can't torture me anymore, because I can't really endure the next torture. If this doesn't succeed, it's probably just an abortion.". Whose body can stand it? We went to the doctor, who gave me oxytocin and asked me to come back for a B-scan in two weeks. "It hurts so much to constrict the uterus. Half of my legs are numb.".
H. Although I am quite skeptical about the intern's diagnosis of B-ultrasound, I am still very happy. Don't do abortion, happiness. "We came back and had a meal outside, and I began to think about what I should do. At that time, I didn't have any guilt for that child, after all, I haven't had it for a long time.". After eating, we started walking back, but this time he didn't hold me or hold my hand, and walked as normally as usual. Is it because I think too much, or because my body is not good, my heart becomes more sensitive and too suspicious. But in my situation, why can't you please me? Later, he went out to take a shower, and didn't come back until 12:00 pm. I kept holding my computer and watching the Xi Yuan record while waiting for him. I can't remember the story very clearly, but in the dim light, I sat alone in the dark, watching one corpse be dissected. Only fear can make me forget the worry of waiting. Why can't you accompany me when I miss you? Is this also an unreasonable request? At night, we slept, woke up and saw that he was sleeping so far away from me. I climbed up beside him and looked at his face. He should be very tired. With the strength of both of us, it is not easy to take care of ourselves, let alone others? I began to cry, I don't know why, although the doctor said we must have a good rest, make up, be happy, and don't get angry. "I know that I am secretly sad and hurt only my own body, but anyway, I have already hurt myself, so let's hurt it again.". He looked at me like this, feeling very incomprehensible. What will we do in the future? What will happen to our future? And do you want to miss that child? He said that wasn't even a child. Child, I think of my child again. I killed him because of our selfishness. I don't deserve to call you. Others don't even think you're life, but I won't forget you. I'm really sorry, kid.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
