Post Date December, 03 2023
Everyone has the experience of not wanting to be alone, but not being accompanied by someone. Unable to integrate into other people's conversations; Others skip themselves while chatting; Having to eat lunch alone; No one invited to dinner at all; Other people meet for dinner, but they just crowd themselves out; Can't squeeze into any small circle... Everyone should have had similar experiences before.
"Because we don't want to encounter this kind of thing, we strive to chat with others, please others, strive to make friends, just squeeze into small circles or factions, and avoid being alone.".
However, when there is only one person left in the end, you still feel lonely. As a result, I couldn't help but grieve over the loneliness of my friends who didn't have lunch together.
When you're alone, you're constantly annoyed about being alone.
Do people think I have no friends at all? Can't you find anyone to have lunch with me tomorrow? What on earth have I done wrong? Is this a bully? What on earth would someone do to have lunch with me? It's embarrassing to eat lunch alone. I'm so sad.
When you eat alone, you will fantasize, with various worries floating in your mind, and then fall into pain due to anxiety. Your heart is in an unusually busy state, thinking about things and suffering.
What am I supposed to do? How can we get rid of this sad state? What can I do to avoid being lonely all day?
"You can think twice, but you won't have any questions about one thing: Why can't you be alone?"?
Although you will think: What have I done wrong? But I won't think: Why can't I come and go alone? Why is it so sad to eat lunch alone? Why is it so humiliating to go home alone? Why can't I drink alone? Why do we have to make many friends?
There is a bolder question: Why can't I feel humiliated if I can't communicate regularly with many people through email? Why do I feel like there's a problem when my phone hasn't been ringing for a week? Why do we have to have good friends?
When you have questions about these things, you will discover the most important issues. The most important question is: What exactly do I want What do I want? I just don't want to eat lunch alone, and I hope to chat happily with others during lunch.
Perhaps you would answer that way. But is this really the case?
"You should never have thought before about why you can't be alone, thinking that being alone is just not good, it's just very humiliating, it's just very faceless.". People who have always believed this way have never felt that it doesn't matter to be alone, and they constantly seek out meal friends to have lunch with. So far, I have been busy finding partners every day, avoiding being alone. In order to avoid being ostracized by small circles, I constantly worry about interpersonal relationships every day.
Even if the content of the other party's chat is boring, they will echo it; No matter how boring I am, I will accompany smiling faces and chat with others about topics I don't want to talk about at all, just to avoid being lonely.
Just because I feel lonely and sad.
Even with all this hard work, it's inevitable that the terrain will be alone, and I can't help but wonder, "What have I done wrong?"? Why is that? A lonely person is really too lonely, too sad... But is it really like this? Is it really sad to be alone?
Can't you do it alone?
Perhaps you will feel that it's useless to speak well. If you don't have friends in class or in the workplace and eat lunch alone every day, won't you feel lonely? You must say that it's really sad to be alone every day and not talking to anyone all day. I can't stand the phone being completely silent, and I can't imagine a life where I haven't received any messages for a week
Even so, I still want to ask: Can't one person do it?
Is being alone so sad and humiliating? Is this really the case?
"I don't think it's sad to be alone, but the idea that being alone is sad is painful.".
To illustrate this situation, please observe your surroundings first. Are there people around you who are more strongly opposed to being alone than you are? Have you ever noticed that someone who doesn't want to be alone is too strong, so others find him annoying?
That person is extremely afraid of being alone because he doesn't want to be alone, and he wants to stick to others all day. It is precisely because this idea is strong that other people will find him very annoying.
I believe that the word "annoying" is full of hatred towards those who impose difficulties on others in their interpersonal relationships. In addition to feeling annoyed by people who have higher status than themselves, such as teachers and supervisors, they also feel overly afraid of one person than anyone else, and people who seek sticky relationships are very annoying.
Everyone doesn't want to be alone, which is why they worry about relationships. It is said that street fortune tellers only ask: Are you worrying about relationships? Nine out of ten can't be wrong. If it's wrong, it's definitely a matter of money or health.
In this world, no matter who you are, you have interpersonal problems. "If I tell you that most people fall into trouble because they feel sad about someone, you must be surprised, right?"? "It's sad to be alone, so it's important to make friends, but it's not because you want to be friends with each other, it's because you don't want to be alone, so you make friends with them.". Relationships built on this motivation can of course lead to problems.
Because I don't want to be alone, I am willing to endure boring conversations; Because I don't want to be alone, I establish small circles; Because I feel that a person is very sad, I always want to be with others. Such interpersonal relationships can only cause pain for you and me.
If you ask: Can't you do it alone? I will answer you: No problem at all.
At the same time, I would like to add one more sentence. A person's state is not painful, and those who have experienced true loneliness understand that when they are truly alone, time will be rich and fulfilling. As long as one can think that one is not sad, the time spent alone will be rich and fulfilling to your surprise.
You will experience various new discoveries during your time alone.
However, when you decide that a person is sad, you will continue to suffer. "Because it's sad, I feel very humiliated and lose face, and I blame myself for thinking that everyone around me is laughing at me, so I feel miserable.". However, being alone does not necessarily mean that a person is sad.
The state of being sad and suffering for a person, worrying about various things, and making oneself feel uneasy inside is pseudo loneliness.
"I haven't spoken to anyone all day, and when I get home, my phone doesn't ring. I feel that a person's sad state is indeed lonely, but in fact, this state is a pseudo loneliness where I always want to seek someone to accompany me.". Although you are alone, but your head is always seeking other people, it is not really lonely. "You deny being alone and hoping for someone to accompany you, no matter who you are with. This is pseudo loneliness.".
I repeat it again and again. A person's state is not painful, but rather a person's sad thoughts that make you feel painful.
