Post Date December, 03 2023
Xiao Li is already 32 years old, but he doesn't have a girlfriend yet. In terms of work and appearance, Xiao Li has good qualifications. His family told him not to have too high an eye, just a girl of similar stature. But when Xiao Li meets the girl, he is always very nervous, either they don't like him or he doesn't like him. There are also girls who can develop for a while, but when it comes to the critical moment, he always backs off, so there has been no lover.
Xiao Li's parents divorced from a young age, and he awarded it to his father. He grew up in the eyes of others, but he gained momentum and continued to pursue graduate studies. But he is always afraid when he sees a girl, and he himself is also very painful. I don't know why this is? Do you have any further questions? Please enter the psychological expert Q&A system to ask questions!
Analysis:
Xiao Li's pattern in front of girls is fear and withdrawal, which is closely related to his childhood growth environment. His parents divorced in his childhood, which made him very afraid of the adult world. "If he also got married, would it be like his parents, unhappy marriage, or even divorce?" So he tried to avoid entering the world of two people, in fact, to avoid the tragic marriage outcome like his parents.
He also has a mentality of extreme fear of rejection and abandonment. After his parents divorced when he was a child, he spent his days in the eyes of others, experiencing the feelings of rejection, fear, and tension that accompanied him through childhood and youth, and continued to affect his love and marriage. If I had a stable and lasting romantic relationship with a girl, would she not want me or dislike me? "In his student days, he worked hard to win acceptance from others, but now, it's not because he works hard that he can win love.
Xiao Li's fantasy of love is perfect and idealized. The less he can get it, the more he yearns for a magnificent love to compensate for the love he has lost over the years. But this mentality is unrealistic. He is dating a girl in a fantasy and has not established love on the basis of reality.
When it comes to the critical moment, Xiao Li will back down on his own because his parents' marriage is unfortunate. Subconsciously, Xiao Li will repeat the feeling of their parents' misfortune and do not believe that he can get happiness. When happiness beckons to him, he is full of doubts and asks, "Is this happiness? Or is it an misfortune?", thus voluntarily giving up the possibility of happiness.
Xiao Li needs to change his behavior pattern and seek help from a psychologist if necessary to gradually overcome the shadow of his parents' marriage and seek his own happiness.
