Post Date December, 03 2023
Case: Lin Ligang (scientific researcher, 45 years old)
My wife and I are colleagues and work in the same office. At that time, I didn't understand. She took the initiative to chase me. Everyone else thought we were quite suitable and got married in a muddle. I love writing. I often go out to chat with my friends on weekends. My wife takes the children back to her parents' home. She is very supportive of me and always asks me how much an article can sell. I think it's too vulgar for my wife to love money so much.
Xiao Jun is 14 years younger than me. He was only 20 years old that year. He is a dancer. She is beautiful and gentle at first. We always have a lot to say together. To tell the truth, when I fell in love with her, I didn't have time to think about my situation, nor did I think that the future would be so troublesome. My wife somehow noticed this, and she didn't say it directly. She always let the children follow me. During the festival, she took me around relatives. Now she takes me to relatives and friends who didn't walk around before.
I can't take my children to see Xiaojun, can I? I can't help but explain to Xiao Jun: I'm too busy. Xiao Jun was very considerate at first, but then he stopped. He cried bitterly on the phone, saying that I didn't love her and that I lied to her. In fact, in order for her to take the exam, I secretly saved some money for her. Her name is written on the passbook. Later, my wife turned out the passbook, and we had a fight, which made us very sad. How can Xiao Jun know this! Xiaojun asked me to divorce. I don't want to leave, but there are too many practical problems: what about the children? What do colleagues think? Our family was originally the "five good families" in the unit. Neither my mother nor her father can spare me, let alone friends and relatives! Moreover, I have just made some achievements in my career. I mentioned the deputy director of the research room. This noise has also greatly affected my work. When I think of divorce, my head is big.
Psychologists' comments
Some people say that in the life of men, they always yearn for two types of women in their hearts, one is the Virgin type, kind and wise; One is fairy type, romantic and charming. Those who find the "Virgin" may also find the "Fairy". Those who find the "Fairy" will also find the "Virgin". For men of these two types of affairs, they are less likely to divorce. They generally don't take the way of breaking and standing to get the love of another kind of women. Otherwise, they will fall into the quagmire of love, marriage and extramarital affairs. In addition, some people just want to hunt for extramarital beauty through extramarital affairs to satisfy their inflated possessive desire. These people will not gamble on marriage.
From the perspective of marriage, divorce is a very heavy blow to the parties, whether you like it or not. When the affair is exposed or develops to the point where the lover asks for marriage, the issue of divorce and remarriage will pop up in front of the adulterer. At this time, their inner conflicts will be very intense, and even make some people miserable. Because of the powerful role of social morality, public opinion, social responsibility and family obligations, and because divorce itself may have a great negative impact on the hearts of the parties, children and other family members, and even cause serious harm, when facing the choice, they may withdraw their commitments and return to the arms of relatively safe but also very warm lovers.
Psychological expert advice
For married men like Mr. Lin who are in the "flower season" age, it is inevitable that they will be moved by beauty and crazed by love in social life. At this time, the most important thing is to reflect on yourself. If your love fire has been completely extinguished, it is a good sign of rekindling the flame of life. However, if this is not the case, it is necessary to analyze marriage, find ways to arouse romantic love in marriage, and limit the desire for alternative women to a certain extent without hurting others. When extramarital love may occur, think about the consequences of this situation for yourself and others. If you don't want to divorce at all, you'd better go back to the original point to avoid unnecessary worries and pain and hurt others.
