Post Date December, 03 2023
Why did he change after dating? Why does the relationship fade after the hot love period? I don't seem to like him as much as I used to... If you have the above OS and questions, perhaps you have some misconceptions about managing relationships!
Oscar Wilde once wrote: There are only two tragedies in this world, one is to get what you want, and the other is not to get it.
We feel disappointed when our desires cannot be fulfilled. Being rejected for a salary increase, not being admitted to university, and being eliminated from auditions is frustrating. When the object of our desires is a person, their rejection can make us feel lonely, worthless, unloved, or worse, feel that we are not worth loving.
But once you get what you want, it also diminishes the initial palpitations, the sweet taste of desire, the carefully planned pursuit strategy, and the intense fantasy. Simply put, at this point, all the activities and energy of desire give way to the fact of having.
Just think about something you've been longing for lately, and now you can enjoy and love it, but are you still longing to have it? Do you still remember how eager you were at first?
Gail Godwin wrote: The intensity of 'craving' will always be higher than having.
Is it difficult to yearn for what you already have?
The law of diminishing returns tells us that increasing frequency leads to a decrease in satisfaction. The more you use a certain product, the lower your satisfaction with using it in turn, for example, the 15th visit to Paris feels different from the first one.
Fortunately, the logic of this argument does not apply to love because it is based on the wrong assumption - we can have someone like an iPod or a new pair of Prada high heels.
When my friend Jane said, 'Maybe I just want what I can't have.'. I asked back: What makes you think you have your husband?
One of the biggest misconceptions about lifelong love is that we assume that our partner belongs to us. In fact, there is no doubt about their separation, and they are always impenetrable. If we acknowledge this from the beginning, it is only possible to continue having desires.
When a constant life suddenly presents a threat (such as an affair, a passionate love affair, disappearing for a long time, or even both parties fighting fiercely), it will suddenly ignite desire, which is very mysterious.
There is nothing like fear of losing, making old shoes look like new ones.
The opposite of the law of diminishing returns is that continuous investment will bring higher satisfaction. Practice makes perfect, and the more you enjoy it.
People who improve their tennis skills every week will advocate for the benefits of practicing frequency. For him, the more he practices, the more proficient his skills become; The more proficient the skill, the more confident it is; The more confident you are, the more daring you are to take risks; The more adventurous you are, the more exciting the competition becomes.
Of course, practice requires effort and discipline. It's not just about intention, but also patience and sustained focus. Tennis players intuitively know that growth is rarely linear. They may have experienced ups and downs, but the rewards are always worth the effort they put in.
Unfortunately, we often associate effort with work, discipline, and pain. However, you can view work in a different way, as it can be creative and meaningful, and evoke a high level of vitality, rather than just bringing you exhaustion that has sunk deep into your bones. Similarly, if we want love to make people more fulfilling, we must use clever ways to exert force.
