Recently, a message from a male friend attracted the attention of Xiaobian. He said that he was the most popular good-tempered man in the workplace and the circle of friends outside, but he could not help losing his temper with his family after returning home. Why do he always treat strangers gently and treat relatives harshly? Today we will interpret this question for male friends!
1. Because I feel that I can be free, and my subconscious is very clear. The cost of mistakes is too low, and I will always be forgiven.
2. Inert, accustomed to low cost, naturally choose low cost methods. Consider how family members feel this step will always be delayed or forgotten.
In addition, if we want to reverse, we must break this inertia.
1. Logically, everyone knows that family is the most important. We just think that the cost is low. In fact, the cost is mostly borne by the scolded party.
2. There will be inertia in communicating with people. It is instinctive to see someone and say something, which is no different from the conditioned reflex of animals. It is also no different from training dogs to improve. Consider the feeling before speaking, and consider the result to break the inertia.
3. Of course, there is also a underlying belief that needs to be established: speaking is an important thing rather than a random thing, so be careful.
Why is it that some people are easily angry with their family members, while outsiders will swallow their breath and blame themselves after being angry with their family members each time? How to adjust their psychological state?
Reason 1: Facing the demands and expectations of relatives, we feel more pressure.
Compared with irrelevant people, we feel more pressure in the face of the demands and expectations of our relatives. This is because our hearts care more about them, and we don't want them to be unhappy. So when we realize the expectation of our relatives, if we can't do it, there will be a risk of making them unhappy. If he is not happy, we will not be happy, which is like booking the result at the beginning of the event. We should devote ourselves to success and not fail! So our desire for success is more urgent, and the resulting pressure is also greater.
And these pressures tend to accumulate gradually one thing at a time. Take one thing alone, it may not be so vital. But when the last straw is pressed up, we may burst out at once. This is the transient over-pressure phenomenon. But in the eyes of our family, we seem to be angry about one thing at present, so our family will not understand our behavior any more. The incomprehension of family members will make them unable to communicate with us more deeply, so the problem has not been solved yet. On the contrary, the deeper the problem is, the more frequent we will break out, and the vicious circle.
The second reason is that in the face of relatives, we tend to be reckless.
The family, especially close family members, is a relatively safe and inclusive environment. Sometimes, when we have been wronged or under some pressure outside, we have no way to vent, so we have to go home to vent. This is that when we treat our family members, we are reckless, just like children face their mothers, which is a very normal thing. But what is worrying is that this kind of catharsis is often achieved through non-order communication. Under pressure, we often forget how to speak well. We use sarcasm, distortion, exaggeration, derogation, obscurity and other language to our family members in the process of venting. Finally, our pressure was released to some extent, but it hurt our family. If family members react to our injuries, family conflicts will become more and more serious. The good family atmosphere is destroyed by our unbridleness.
The third reason is that sometimes we don't realize that we expect too much from our relatives.
Compared with our relatives, we tend to be more patient with "others" and less prone to anger. Because we assume that "others" do not understand us, it is necessary to fully communicate to obtain the understanding and cooperation of "others". But facing our family members, our patience is very limited, because we think that our family members should know and support us best. Generally speaking, people who are really closer will understand and support each other more. But in fact, family members can't reach a full understanding with us point to point on all things, which is unrealistic, and we can't always understand and support the needs and ideas of our relatives. But once something goes wrong, we often think: "It's all right if others don't understand me. Why don't you understand me? It's all right if others don't know how to cooperate with me and support me. Why don't you understand?" The more we think, the more angry we become. This is because we expect too much from our family, and sometimes we don't realize it.