Post Date December, 03 2023
Recently, a message from a male friend attracted the attention of the editor. He said that he was the most popular good-tempered man outside the workplace and in his circle of friends, but he always couldn't help losing his temper with his family after returning home. Why is it that he always treats strangers gently and treats relatives harshly? Today, let's interpret this question for male friends!
"Because I feel free, my subconscious mind is clear, and the cost of making mistakes is too low, they will always be forgiven.".
2. Lazy, accustomed to low cost, naturally choosing low cost methods. Consider how family members feel this step is always delayed or forgotten.
To add, if you want to reverse, you must break this inertia.
1. Logically, everyone knows that family is the most important thing. We just think of low cost, but in fact, the biggest cost is borne by the party being blamed.
2. There is inertia in communicating with people. Seeing someone and saying something is instinctive, which is no different from animal conditioning. To improve, it is no different from training dogs. Before practicing speaking, consider your feelings and consider the results, which can break the inertia.
Of course, there is also a underlying belief that needs to be established: speaking is an important rather than random matter, and be cautious.
Why do some people easily lose their temper with their families, while outsiders swallow their anger and blame themselves every time they are angry with their families? How can they adjust their psychological state?
Reason 1: Facing the demands and expectations of our loved ones, we feel more pressure.
Compared to unrelated people, we feel greater pressure in the face of the demands and expectations of our loved ones. This is because our hearts care more about them, and we don't want them to be unhappy. So when we realize the expectations of our loved ones, if we fail to do so, there is a risk of making them unhappy. "If he's not happy, we won't be happy either, it's like booking the outcome at the beginning of the event.". We must devote ourselves to success and not fail! As a result, our desire for success becomes more urgent, and the resulting pressure is also greater.
And these pressures often accumulate gradually from one thing to another. Looking at one thing alone, it may not be so vital. "But when the last straw is pressed on, we may burst out immediately, which is a momentary excess of pressure.". However, in the eyes of our family, it seems that we are just angry about a current event, which makes our behavior even more incomprehensible to them. "Family members' lack of understanding will prevent them from communicating more deeply with us, so the problem remains unresolved. Instead, as it accumulates, we will experience more frequent outbreaks and a vicious cycle.".
Reason 2: In the face of our loved ones, we tend to be reckless.
The family, especially close family members, is a relatively safe and inclusive environment. Sometimes, when we experience grievances or stress outside, we have no way to vent, so we have to go home and vent. "This is our unbridled attitude towards our family, just like a child facing a mother, which is a normal thing.". However, it is worrisome that often this catharsis is achieved through non orderly communication. Under pressure, we often forget how to speak well. In the process of venting, we use language that ridicules, distorts, exaggerates, belittles, and obscures our families. Finally, our pressure was released to some extent, but it caused harm to our family. If family members react to our injuries, family conflicts will intensify. The good family atmosphere destroys our unbridleness.
Reason 3: Sometimes we don't realize that our expectations of our loved ones are too high.
Compared to relatives, we tend to be more patient with "others" and less prone to anger. Because we assume that "others" do not understand us, it is necessary to fully communicate to obtain the understanding and cooperation of "others". But facing our families, our patience is limited because we believe that our families should be the ones who understand and support us the most. Generally speaking, people who are truly closer will understand and support each other more. However, in fact, family members are not able to achieve a full understanding of everything from point to point with us. This is unrealistic, and we ourselves are not always able to understand and support the needs and thoughts of our loved ones. However, once something goes wrong, we often think, "It's okay if others don't understand me, why don't you understand me? It's okay if others don't understand me and support me, why don't you understand?" The more we think about it, the more angry we become. This is all because we expect too much from our families, and sometimes we don't realize it.
