It is difficult for many people to find a good partner. They always seem to meet the "wrong person". Yes, they keep dating, but each time they fall into an unsatisfying relationship.
In my opinion, this is determined by the following five reasons.
1. Look forward to the love that doesn't belong to them
Some people are obsessed with the feeling of pursuit. They love to try forbidden fruit. They often love people who don't care about them, have no interest in them, or even are bad.
This is human nature. We all have a habit of liking things that do not belong to us. This phenomenon is known as "rare things are precious". We always believe that the more rare, the rarer, the more valuable. However, this is not always the case.
Some people are always unable to find the right person because of the trap of "rare for expensive". Always pursue people who do not belong to us, sometimes it is a kind of "self" performance (I want to tell TA that I am really great!); Sometimes it is a sign of low self-esteem (what can I do to make her love me)?
The antidote: stop chasing blindly. No one is really worth dying for. You need to find someone who is just right for you.
2. Being prejudiced and narrowing the range of choices
People often get hurt in love. So they have to choose some ways to protect themselves. They found two ways to avoid disappointment and hurt.
One is that they have low expectations of themselves and always find excuses for their failure. In psychology, this phenomenon is called "self handicapping".
On the other hand, they don't expect too much from others and gain a sense of superiority in the process of belittling others. This is called "prior judgment".
Both of these biases can lead to problematic relationships. I can't see a really good object.
The antidote: forget the past, and open your eyes to see the people around you. In fact, most people are pretty good. They are looking for a reliable love just like you.
3. Feeling that love is doomed
For most people, dating is a process of trial and error. Finally, they find a person who attracts them, suits them and is also interested in them. All these require energy and effort.
But there are also some people who agree more with the power of fate. They feel that love is not in their control, and they will not make much effort to it. They believe that they will always meet a soul mate who really loves them.
In fact, these beliefs often make these people very picky, and even reject some good objects. In the process of pursuing love, they become negative. Finally, they also lack a sense of control over love in life. Therefore, whenever they meet an imperfect object, they will feel disappointed.
The antidote: find a good partner, but don't expect the other person to be perfect. Compared with TA, there are always better or worse people. The best thing is to find a relatively suitable person, those who are willing to cooperate with you, and work with them to make appropriate changes for each other. Yes, it doesn't sound so romantic. But this is more reliable!
4. Don't know what you want
Dating is a process, in which we often pursue feelings. But beyond feeling, you are still looking for a suitable object. The most important thing is to satisfy each other. As a result, dating often becomes like an interview.
Some people, not knowing what they want, fall in love. They let their feelings run wild and call it "enjoy this journey". However, if you really want to reach a destination in your heart (marriage, children), it is important that you need a "map"! Instead of turning around, we always find people who are not suitable for us.
The antidote: understand what you want and how to find it. Think about where you can find such a person you want. Please continue to enjoy the feeling of dating! But don't forget your goal.
5. A failed transaction
All relationships (including love) are based on a mutual exchange. In other words, we enter a relationship for the purpose of trading - a process of meeting each other's needs, giving and taking from each other.
A healthy relationship means an equal deal. Both sides can feel satisfied. But some people can't balance in the relationship! Some people like to pay blindly. Finally, they feel cheated, unappreciated, or even used. Some people regard themselves highly and blindly take. Once others can't satisfy them, they also feel frustrated.
The antidote: honest self-evaluation. You should clearly see your contribution in a relationship. Both sides should maintain certain equality. The relationship that is always on one side should be avoided.
In order to find a truly suitable partner, we should refuse to pursue those wrong objects, put aside our prejudice, no longer rely on the arrangement of fate, and think clearly what we want. If you notice these problems, you may find a good partner faster!