Post Date December, 03 2023
People have set various rules and regulations for marriage, believing that only by following these rules can one achieve happiness. But Professor Terry Orbach from the Institute of Social Studies at the University of Michigan in the United States believes that many rules have no factual basis, breaking some rules can actually make your marriage better.
Commandment 1: Do not sleep with anger
Dr. Obak said that many people firmly believe in this and believe that they cannot sleep with differences. So, in order to solve the problem, they even stayed up until midnight, and the consequences of doing so may be even more intense arguments.
Dr. Obak believes, "Staying up late is not a good way, and excessive fatigue may make you say things you regret. We should understand that late at night is not a good time to solve problems. It's better to have a good sleep and a clear mind before facing them. However, problems still need to be solved in a timely manner, preferably within 24 hours
Commandment 2: Couples should talk about everything like friends
Scott Horseman, a former professor at Brown University in the United States, said, "People always expect to be able to do everything with their partner, hoping that they are their best friend and can talk to each other without hesitation. However, research shows that although this can make marriage last, they often have lower satisfaction with their sexual life
Of course, you hope to share your work, life, and happy or sad thoughts with your spouse, but one person cannot meet all your needs.
Therefore, don't put too much pressure on your relationship. If your spouse doesn't want to discuss emotional issues or participate in certain activities, please don't force them to call your friends. Moreover, sometimes it's easier to confide in friends about certain things, and they usually don't criticize you.
Commandment 3: Nothing can be concealed
Many people believe that couples should be absolutely honest and not conceal anything from each other. But research shows that in a long marriage, both parties cannot always be honest, but this does not have a negative impact on the marital relationship.
More and more people are realizing that some things are still better not known, especially when it comes to money, and both spouses will be dishonest. For example, when a husband asks his wife if she has bought a new dress, the wife generally acknowledges it, but when the husband asks about the price, the wife always says that she bought it at an event and it was very cheap. Only when the husband repeatedly asks, the wife will tell the truth.
In response to this situation, Professor Horseman suggests that couples should set a non negotiable consumption amount, and they can spend whatever they want without knowing how much they want.
Commandment 4: Equal Effort in Marriage
If you think so, then you will definitely be disappointed. Professor Horseman said, "You feel like you're giving 50%, but your partner only feels 25%. At the same time, you're also expecting 50% from the other person because you think they're only giving 25%. In fact, a good marriage requires 100% effort, and don't worry about who's more or less, because your goal is to make your spouse happy
Marriage requires mutual accommodation, and if you are only willing to give so much, the consequence is that you may often be disappointed and depressed alone. Moreover, marriage cannot be quantified by numbers. Marriage requires compromise and compromise, "Dr. Obak said." That's the secret to a happy marriage. If you always think about equal effort, then you won't be happy
Commandment 5: Once married, enter the safe
Professor Horseman believes that this viewpoint is to some extent correct, as you get married because the other person can give you a sense of security. But when you think about your dates, do you often think: Will he ask me out for a second time? If I ask her out, will she still come? These uncertainties make the entire love process full of longing and excitement. But will these things still exist after marriage? Dr. Horseman believes that "predictability and certainty are the opposite of sexual excitement.
It's a good idea to separate for a short period of time in order to deepen the relationship. In addition, couples do not need to have exactly the same interests. Two people need to have the same beliefs and enjoy participating in the same activities, but at the same time, they should also have their own pursuits
You can also create small surprises and romances from time to time. For example, giving your spouse a movie ticket, buying a bouquet of flowers to take home after work one day, dining at a romantic restaurant on the weekend, or giving each other a mysterious gift. These things can fill a marriage with small expectations and keep it fresh at all times.
