What is your marriage temperature measured for the longest time in a 37 degree marriage

As the saying goes, marriage has a "seven year itch", but recently a scholar came out with a surprising statement. He believed that the validity period of a marriage certificate should also be seven years, and when it expires, it will automatically divorce. This can not only solve the problem of being single, but also try multiple relationships... After hearing this, the editor was completely shattered and said, "Together for a lifetime"?

As a result, single people don't settle down, which means that the marriage object they have been trying to find will "expire" after 7 years. So the mothers who are busy urging marriage don't take it easy, because it means they have to launch a "marriage urging war" every seven years.

Of course, this is only a scholar's hypothesis, not reality. Marriage is still the most sacred "relationship" that a person deserves for a lifetime. "But getting married doesn't mean getting married once and for all. To have a happy marriage, both parties need to devote their lives to it.".

The "37 degree" marriage is the longest

You know what? Marriage actually has its temperature. Huang Weiren, a professor at Northwestern University's School of Medicine, pointed out in his book "The Secret of Living in Love" that differences in the understanding of marriage between men and women lead to differences in their satisfaction with marriage. When a husband gives a score of 7 for marital satisfaction, perhaps the wife only gives a score of 2, which is known as the "temperature difference" in marriage.

Like a person's body temperature, the ideal marriage temperature should be constant at around 37 degrees Celsius. Huang Weiren pointed out that such couples respect each other, respect each other, love each other, laugh happily on weekdays, and argue when they disagree, but they always find ways to understand each other and resolve conflicts in a reasonable way.

Everyone hopes for a vigorous and vigorous love. If marriage continues to heat up like this, it is easy to "get a fever" and burn each other. Huang Weiren believes that some couples always confront each other forcefully. Both of them have strong opinions and say what they have, and a quarrel can be even more emotional and loud.

Emotionally, it is inevitable that people will speak angrily. If they fail to explain and communicate in a timely manner after the event, it can easily damage their partner's self-esteem. Some wives are too clingy, treating their husbands as "private property" and wishing to get bored together every day, demanding control of each other's every move, keeping the temperature of marriage at a high point.

This psychological dependence precisely indicates that the wife's heart is empty or immature, and they hope that the other party can unconditionally accept themselves anytime, anywhere, and put themselves in the first place. However, in the adult world, using any form of coercion to meet one's psychological needs is not feasible.

And sometimes, the temperature of marriage can drop to freezing point. In this kind of marriage, the couple will avoid conflict for a long time, do not communicate when things happen, and the resentment in their hearts becomes deeper and deeper, eventually becoming "ice like meeting". There is an old saying in China that "grief is no greater than death of the heart." Couples avoid conflict because conflict can bring pain to both sides. But in the long run, it takes a lot of effort to heal marriage.

What is your "marriage temperature" measured?

This test, designed by Dr. Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Denver, is recognized as the simplest and most effective "marriage thermometer.". Please rate yourself based on the following 8 conditions after comparison.

A small dispute suddenly turns into a big one, with each other swearing at each other fiercely and uncovering old accounts.

"My lover will ignore my opinions, feelings, and needs.".

My words or actions are often considered malicious by my partner.

4. When there are issues that need to be resolved, we always seem to take a hostile stance.

5. I cannot naturally tell my partner what I really think and feel.

6. I often fantasize about what it would be like to change a lover?

7. In a marriage relationship, I feel very lonely.

8. When we quarrel, one party is always unwilling to talk anymore and starts evading or leaving the scene.

The scoring standard is that if each question is "never" or "rarely occurs," a score of 1 point will be counted; "Occasional occurrence" scores 2 points; "Frequent occurrence" scores 3 points.

When you add up the scores on each question, if the total score is between 8 and 12 points, it indicates that your marriage temperature is constant and healthy. If the total score is between 13 and 17, your marriage needs to be vigilant. If the total score exceeds 18, it indicates that your marriage needs to be adjusted immediately.

The preservation principle of a happy marriage

Marriage is a "lifelong career" that requires a lifetime of energy to maintain. The US "Reader's Digest" article summarizes 12 suggestions for keeping marriage fresh. If both spouses are willing to comply, it can reduce a lot of friction and prolong the best state of marriage.

1. Say "Thank you" once a day

The harmony of marriage lies in daily lubrication. Don't ignore seemingly trivial things, and don't take everything your lover does for you for granted. Try not to be stingy in expressing gratitude at least once a day, even if the other person just washes the dishes and cleans up, they should say "thank you" or "hard work.".

Although this kind of gratitude may seem like a separation and an outsider, it is an important way to express support and affirmation, and it can also make you and your partner feel loved.

2. Redo the romance of the honeymoon

Make Dim sum for him; Send her a bouquet of roses; Stuff a love note into his briefcase; Write her a sweet love letter... These things that are often done during love periods are particularly precious in marriage.

Not only does it remind people of the warmth and sweetness of the past, but it also evokes pleasant emotions. This unexpected surprise can also make the other party experience new feelings and warm up their emotions.

3. Be the "chatting partner" of the other party

"When we fall in love, we always have endless words to say, why is there only silence left now?" Many couples have this feeling. After getting along for a long time, they think they know each other well, and gradually ignore communication. The sense of happiness will disappear with this silence.

The two need to find opportunities to chat every day, set a family time, and talk about work and family chores. Men focus on achievement and dignity, while women focus on emotions and relationships. Couples often consider each other's perspectives and use the most appropriate communication methods. Less complaint and worry, more encouragement and joking, and a positive attitude can better alleviate each other's pressure. And verbal communication can also create psychological satisfaction, especially for wives who are more eager to talk.

4. Create opportunities for both parties to coexist

Many married people complain: "Married, no freedom.". It is said that distance produces beauty, and "solitude" can indeed meet the need for freedom to a certain extent. But don't forget the importance of coexistence. There should be a balance between the two.

Couples can intentionally create joint actions, such as asking each other to help with household chores, buying tickets, and seeing a movie together. Not only can it cultivate a sense of intimacy between both parties, strengthen the marriage relationship, but it can also create more beautiful memories.

5. Make the other person feel concerned

Before going out every morning, ask the other person about their schedule for today. Perhaps he is preparing to meet an important client or have a nervous interview. A greeting can make the other person feel your consideration and concern. In addition to verbal comfort, sharing the big and small things in life with your partner, including household chores, finances, and child care, can also make him feel your love and support, amplifying his or her value in marriage.

6. Respect others in front of others

Whether it's attending social gatherings or going shopping to buy vegetables, don't casually give the other person a face, let alone embarrass them in public. For implicit Chinese people, face is very important, especially in public. Instead, give the other person a subtle signal of love.

For example, when walking, holding his hand and holding his shoulder can all convey the love and intimacy between husband and wife. In this regard, Chinese couples shy of expressing their feelings should learn more from Westerners.

7. Don't rush to judge the other party

"You're just a shopkeeper who doesn't care about anything," or "If you can't procrastinate, what else can you do?" or similar summary language, saying too much will make you believe that the other person has a problem. Moreover, when the accused person is depressed, they will gradually acquiesce in this conclusion, but instead develop in the direction of labels, ultimately leading to tension in the family atmosphere.

8. Love the house and the crow

Chinese style marriage is not so much a combination of two people as two families. Being able to accept and respect each other's relatives and friends is a principle of a happy marriage. Inviting their relatives and friends to attend important days and extending a helping hand when they need it are sincere expressions of love and affection, undoubtedly making the other person love you even more. When couples have problems, they can also seek help from these relatives and friends, who may be able to help untie the "knot.".

9. Calmly handle disagreements

"When a husband and wife disagree and have a conflict, don't ignore them and make them blush. Also, avoid rushing to say to the other person, 'I want to talk to you,' after the dispute occurs. This communication can be invalidated because both parties are angry.".

The best way to calm down is to invite the other party to go out for a walk. On the one hand, stay away from the place of the quarrel, and on the other hand, gradually ease the excitement, making it easier to express your true thoughts. Also, encourage the other party to speak the truth, which helps to resolve misunderstandings.

10. Appreciate your lover

When you fall in love, you will feel that the other person is the best person in the world, and this appreciation is the foundation of your love and marriage. But in daily trivialities, those things that were once appreciated may have become the trigger for conflict.

You cannot only see roses with thorns, but you should see roses in the thorns. Use a positive mindset and focus on the other person's strengths. Writing a gratitude journal and writing down what the other person has done for you every day can make the relationship more harmonious.

11. Not restricting and controlling the other party

"Is it the final say or me the final say who decides this family?" The struggle for "leadership" in the family has become the tipping point of many marriages. Being competitive and unwilling to tolerate is indeed a serious problem for only children.

When two people form a family, they should respect each other and reduce their sense of grievance and oppression. It should be understood that the other party is an independent and free person, and should not be too restrictive or force the other party to change according to their own preferences.

12. Regularly summarize marital feelings

At work, a year-end summary is often written to review the gains and losses of the year and pursue improvement. Marriage is also the case. Every few months, the couple can write a summary of their family life.

Discuss marital issues with your partner and actively discuss solutions. I can take this opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk. You can also compare the summary of previous years to make both parties aware of each other's efforts for the family.