The study found that if the husband is 4-6 years older than his wife, he has the most children; The husband is 15 years older than his wife. Although the number of children is small, his marriage life is the most satisfactory.
"At the age of seven, a woman's kidney is full of qi, and her teeth are longer; at the age of twenty seven, the sky is full of qi; at the age of twenty seven, the Ren pulse is open, the Tai Chong pulse is full, and the month is now, so she has children; at the age of thirty seven, the kidney is even, so the real teeth are born and long; at the age of forty seven, the muscles and bones are strong, the hair is long, and the body is strong; at the age of fifty seven, the Yang pulse is weak, the face is scorched, and the hair is falling; at the age of sixty seven, the three Yang pulse is weak, the face is scorched, and the hair is white; at the age of seven, the Ren pulse is weak, the Tai Chong pulse is There are no children. The husband is eight years old, with solid kidney and long teeth; 28. The kidney is full of qi, the sky is decadent, the essence is overflowing, and the yin and yang are harmonious, so you can have children; On March 8th, the kidney qi is average and the muscles and bones are strong, so the real teeth are born and grow extremely; In April 8th, the muscles and bones were full and strong; May 8th, kidney qi failure, hair fall and teeth wither; In June 8th, the yang was exhausted, the face was burnt, and the hair was white; Seven or eight, the liver and qi are weak, the tendons are unable to move, the days are exhausted, the essence is insufficient, the kidney is in decline, and the body is extremely strong; At eight, the teeth will go away. The kidney is the master of water. It is hidden by the essence of the five zangs and six mansions. Therefore, the five zangs are abundant and can be written. Today, all the five zangs are weak, the bones and muscles are broken, and the sky is exhausted. Therefore, his hair is white, his body is heavy, his steps are not right, and he has no ears
From the above, it can be seen that women are 37-21 years old and men are 38-24 years old. They are mature, and Tiangui (endocrine) is exuberant and full. It is the young and most energetic period. This is the best reproductive period. The difference between men and women is 3 years, which is the beginning of the best age for marriage. By the age of seventy-nine years for women and eighty-four years for men, the fertility period will be 28 years for women and 40 years for men, with a difference of 12 years. According to the best matching ratio, it should be 12 ÷ 2=6, that is, the age of thirty-eight, twenty-four and sixty-six for men equals 30 years. That is, women are 21 years old and men are 30 years old, which is the best age for marriage. The age difference for marriage is 9 years.
The Analects of Confucius says that men should stand at thirty, which means that men should live in life at this time, so this is the best time to get married and start a career. When the woman is 49 years old, the man is 58 years old, and+6 is just 8864 years old, and it is also 6 years old from Tiangui.
Therefore, the best age difference between men and women for marriage is between 3 and 9 years old, and the closer they are to 9, the more harmonious they will be, so the happier their marriage will be. Nowadays, it seems that men are 4-8 years older than women, which can be accepted by many people calmly. However, if the age difference is more than 10 years old, they will still be criticized. But in the eyes of many scholars at home and abroad, this kind of marriage is very happy and relatively stable.
Recently, a survey conducted by European scientists showed that age is a key weight affecting marital stability. Dr Emmanuel Flanier of the University of Bath, UK, conducted a follow-up survey on 1534 couples. The results showed that the best model for couples to maintain a strong marriage is that both men and women have received higher education and no divorce history, and the man is more than 5 years older than the woman. Researchers said that wives who are more than five years younger than their husbands are the least likely to have conflicts, and their divorce rate is 1/6 of that of other marriages.
In addition, a study from the University of Vienna found that if a husband is 4-6 years older than his wife, he has the most children; The husband is 15 years older than his wife. Although the number of children is small, his marriage life is the most satisfactory.
In this regard, Wang Guorong, a senior supervisor of the Jung Psychological Counseling Institution in Suzhou and a well-known domestic expert in marriage treatment, agreed. Wang Guorong said that the three happiness points of this kind of marriage have become the pillars of family stability. The first point of happiness is to meet women's desire of "trinity". Generally, the prince charming that women dream of has the maturity of their father, the care of their brother and the vitality of their friends. The husband is older, more mature mentally, and more comfortable with feelings. The second point of happiness is that the elderly husband usually has a certain economic basis, which reduces the probability of disputes due to the economy. The third happiness point is that family competition is less. When the husband is older, women will naturally develop a sense of dependence and obedience, which will reduce the competition of rights between husband and wife, and the friction will decrease accordingly.
When it comes to the disadvantages of this kind of marriage, Zheng Xifu, a psychology professor at South China Normal University, believes that in general, the average life expectancy of men is shorter than that of women. If the husband is much older than his wife, it is likely that the husband will die and the wife will be left alone.
Big women and small men are also happy
As the saying goes, "three women hold golden bricks", but in ancient China, there was often the phenomenon of big daughter-in-law and small husband. Nowadays, sister-brother love is still an indispensable landscape on the marriage map.
Wang Guorong said that in fact, some families in which siblings love are also very happy. Some men are young, but their psychological age is mature, while their wives are older, but their psychological age is still like a young girl. Psychologically, such a family is similar to the family model of men and women.
Other siblings love families because their husbands have similar temperament characteristics, that is, men are not very independent and want to continue to look for the feeling of being cared for by their mothers. For such families, there are often some disadvantages. First of all, both physically and psychologically, women are aging faster, while men are still in their prime, which is easy to destabilize the family. Secondly, age has social significance. In the conventional social evaluation, sister-brother love is easy to be confused and criticized, or detract from men's "not men", or women's "old cows eat young grass", etc. These external remarks will also impact the family wall to a certain extent.
Good communication between men and women of the same age
The age difference between the 49-year-old US President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle is 3 years. Their 17-year happy marriage is enough to rank them as "ideal lovers". Yue Xiaodong, associate professor of the Department of Social Sciences at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, believes that same-age love is not the narrow sense of same-age as we understand it, but the age of the two sides is very similar, basically belonging to the same generation. Wang Guorong pointed out that men and women are the same age as women or men are less than 3 years older than women. It can be said that in the modern concept, this mode of marriage and love is undoubtedly the most ideal.
Yue Xiaodong pointed out that the basis of same-age love lies in the psychological and physical coordination between the lovers. This kind of marriage is the most sustainable and has six benefits. First, it is easy to establish close relationships. Second, frequent interaction. The third is synchronous growth. Fourth, the demand is consistent. Fifth, support from relatives and friends. Sixth, equality and self-confidence. In short, lovers of the same age have similar social experiences. They tend to have the same heart when they encounter life problems. However, long-term run-in will make the two sides think together, have the same heart, and form a common cognitive model.
"Although men and women of the same age have many advantages, there are also some problems just because of equality." Wang Guorong said that couples of the same age tend to compete for rights because of too much emphasis on equality, and may often fight for "who has the final say".
The more like the character, the more loving
"The above three marriage models have advantages and disadvantages. Age does play an important role in marriage, but it is not age that really determines the stability of marriage," said Wang Guorong. First of all, "LOVE" in English is compressed from a Latin sentence, which is "love is a lasting concern for others' lives". Wang Guorong pointed out that this shows the true meaning of love between husband and wife, that is, only love the partner itself, not pay attention to external conditions, that is, we often say "height is not a problem, age is not a problem, and appearance is not a problem". The less external requirements, the more stable love.
Secondly, research shows that the closer the character is, the more stable the love is. Wang Guorong said that what people often say about complementation between husband and wife is that they want to have but don't have them, but their spouses have them. This is a kind of appreciation, not a different character.
Finally, we should have identity. First, after marriage, we should have the idea of integrating with each other; Second, education level and life values should be equal. These are the internal factors that determine the stability of marriage.