Post Date December, 03 2023
I have a daughter who is ten years old this year. She has just given birth to a second child and is a daughter. My mother-in-law is very patriarchal. At the beginning, the eldest brother hated that it was her daughter who did not bring her. Now the second child is a daughter, and it is not happy in the birth. Just three months ago, he told me who gave birth to three babies or something. I was very upset. I don't think there is anything wrong with my daughter, but I really can't stand the old man always doing this. In the delivery room, I was so painful that I pulled my mother-in-law's hand, but she was disgusted and threw it away.
Now let me give birth to three children, and then bully me to give birth to a daughter. My mother is still nearby, and she talks in a strange way. My husband is also the same. When he was pregnant with a second child, he said that he was going to kill her. I was going to divorce with him, and I have been flirting with other women outside, even cheating. Because I can't part with this marriage, he also chose to return, so I decided to forgive him. But after giving birth to my second daughter, although my husband took good care of me and the child, I couldn't accept his attitude towards having a son.
I am 35 years old this year, and will be nearly 40 in two years. I don't want to suffer that kind of pain again. After all, it is too difficult for three children in this society, and their family is not a rich family. I told my husband that I would definitely not have a baby in the future. I lost my temper to him. He said that it was up to you the final say whether to have a baby or not. Then he left angrily.
Although this is over, I know that in his family's heart, there is always a pimple, which will break out sooner or later. I really can't stand them like this, I really don't want to continue to live, I'm really tired. What should I do?
[Reply]
Brother Shan also doesn't understand this child-rearing view of son preference. After all, the society is constantly moving forward, and the ideas should also keep pace with the times. Obviously, the ideas of your husband and your mother-in-law have not been refreshed at the same time. This traditional old and backward ideas are still binding them, so as to damage the happiness and stability of your marriage. It is sad to think about it. This idea should be abandoned.
I don't think it is worthwhile to divorce because of the problem of having boys and girls and whether to have three children. In this conflict, we still need to sit down calmly and negotiate with each other. Of course, it can be said that your husband and mother-in-law have no right to force you to have children, because you are not a fertility machine, and you have your own right to decide whether to have three children. At least they should respect your choice. Therefore, in this family relationship, you need to adhere to your own principles and bottom line, and protect your dignity and rights. You can't be at the mercy of others and dictate at will.
In fact, the main problem of your husband and your mother-in-law is that their desire for a boy is understandable, but it is only to meet their own need to inherit the family. However, in terms of specific practices, they must not force others to overcome difficulties, nor ignore the feelings of the other party, nor lose the minimum respect for the other party. A family can discuss this matter. After all, having a child is not a simple problem. It involves family economic conditions, upbringing and education, personal health, and so on. If we really want to have another baby, what if the third baby is another daughter?
Therefore, I think it is necessary to talk about these principles and the interests of the husband and the mother-in-law, and put many specific problems on the table, instead of easily playing with anger and making emotions, which will only aggravate the contradictions between each other. Only when we finally reach an agreement that we can live, we can continue to live; It's not necessary to break up the marriage and go our separate ways! Unless each other wants to find an excuse for separation, unless there is really no emotion between you, and the marriage has reached the point of death, including, in ordinary life, if your mother-in-law and your husband just don't speak any reason, completely unreasonable, completely believe that their own needs are the reason, and can't get normal communication and coordination, then we don't have to tolerate it, Then there is no way to choose separation.
But now the question is, are you really irretrievable? Is it really that serious? This requires you to take a rational look at your marriage status, make further communication, and don't make arbitrary decisions on impulse. At present, the most important thing is to smooth out and resolve the conflict between you and your husband, so that the relationship between husband and wife can return to the normal track. If you can manage well and reach an agreement, restore understanding and trust, then the conflict between you and your mother-in-law will be resolved with the stability of your relationship.
