Post Date December, 03 2023
I am in my twenties this year and have had a conversation with someone who is ten years older than me. She has been dating for a year and has been doing well. I am younger than her, and I have always let her down. She has been divorced twice and has a 3-year-old boy who recognizes me and always calls me dad. Her ex husband never saw this child again and didn't care about it. He lacked fatherly love since childhood and we didn't register. We agreed to get married after paying off the mortgage for three years. I work two jobs during the day and night, and she always takes care of me in life. She has a big temper, is quick witted, and likes to hit me with her hands. I haven't even dealt with her once.
A few days ago, she found out that she was pregnant and wanted to register for marriage. Due to the family's disagreement with us, we were secretly together and dared not tell the family. Before, the family knew that we were dating, and their behavior was extreme. They went to her father's office to find her father, and then went to her alone to make trouble. At noon, they went to their house, and my family even beat her and her parents. I helped her and started fighting with the family. As a government unit, it quickly spread through the government and my story also spread in our village. It has been two or three months now, and I have gradually forgotten being forgotten by people.
We both went home through other doors, but we were also quite happy. After all, we could be together every day, and I was happy to find out that we were pregnant. I worked there at night and thought about it myself. If the family knew what to do and started making trouble again, even if the child was born, I couldn't lead him to play in the village openly. I couldn't lift my head among relatives, friends, and classmates in the village, and the child would be even more wronged in the future. If we don't get married, we won't be together anymore, and our children will also be killed. At the moment he said he was going to get married, I recoiled and didn't dare to go. She was very sad. She hit me at noon all day, but I didn't fight back. I just felt sorry for her and even more sorry for the children I hadn't met.
She really wants to have this child, but she can't do what she wants. But she said, the first child doesn't have a father, and the second child doesn't have a father. She can't afford to support these two children on her own, and now I don't want him to give up the child, but there are still some concerns. The family doesn't recognize her as the daughter-in-law, let alone our future child, and I don't know what to do. I decide for myself. I don't know what to do?
reply:
1. In the field of emotions, there may not be too many restrictions. The kind of love a person engages in and the type of marriage they choose are both the freedom of the parties themselves. However, sometimes challenging secular authority requires considerable courage and a strong heart, and not everyone can withstand the pressure from all parties. Especially for a young person in your twenties who is not deeply involved in the world and has not experienced too much life baptism, can you truly hold onto the truth of your heart without hesitation?
2. It has to be said that some emotions are lost to time, some emotions are lost to distance, and some emotions are lost to one's own impulsive and reckless behavior. At any time, when choosing a marriage, one must make a decision in a rational state. Do not fall into blind obedience or capriciousness, as it will only make oneself more hurt one day. For this, you need to give yourself a reason to convince yourself that marriage is not only about your feelings and wishes, but also about certain factors in reality. It will ultimately involve exchanges and ties between two families. Many times, a marriage that is not blessed will end up with scars.
3. Faced with strong opposition and obstruction from your family, although you approach your lover in a nearly righteous way, seemingly protecting your love with the inherent responsibility of a man, in fact, you still harbor fear and even retreat within yourself. Faced with a powerful 'shrewd wife', a young life brought about unprepared, a super sibling relationship that is not favored by the secular world, and various objections from your family, it is understandable that you have doubts in your heart. After all, you are only in your twenties, and using men to define you seems somewhat cruel. For this, I want to ask you, do you really have the ability to love now? Although you have worked tirelessly day and night to prove that you are strong enough to survive, are you truly prepared for this love?
4. Not to mention how savage and explosive the woman you love is, after all, love is a matter of willing to fight and willing to suffer. Just to say, combining a family and marriage requires taking into account all aspects of the problem. Taking the example in front of you, how much confidence do you have to handle and settle the war between the two families in front of you? How prepared and confident are you to play the role of stepfather after marriage, as the three year old son of the female partner is not your own? It has been proven that in front of this elderly woman, you are just a little boy, and all of this cannot be lifted at a critical moment. Since that's the case, why do you force yourself to do the hard work of pulling a small horse and a large cart? I suggest you save your heart. There must be reasons for your family's sworn opposition, and you should consider their opinions. So, think carefully. If you don't have the ability and confidence to provide a minimum guarantee for the marriage and innocent children you want, then it's better to end it early, so as not to cause any uncertainty and trouble in the future. I hope you think twice before taking action.
