Post Date December, 03 2023
Terry Lin's "Singles Love Song" is believed that everyone has heard of it. There is a lyric in it: "There are happy people everywhere in the world, why can't I be counted as one". I believe this sentence speaks the hearts of many single friends. How can we get rid of being single?
One late night, one of my fianc é es sought help in the group, saying that she received a letter from a stranger on a dating website that she wanted to meet. She found out that the man's basic conditions were satisfactory in all aspects, but she didn't know if she wanted to go back. When asked why she hesitated, she replied that there was a problem with the sentence "I have read your information and photos, I think you are pretty good, and I want to get to know you better" in the man's letter. Because my girlfriend's basic information is almost empty, she judged that the man was sending emails in groups, inferring that he is not a serious person.
Last week at a classmate gathering, a male student with a successful career and a happy family proposed suggestions for change to several single girls on site. However, during the meeting, an elderly single male student interrupted and only believed that what he believed was' everything is fate 'was the truth. He also encouraged other single people to stick to their ideas and not make any changes.
Speaking of similar things, in blind date groups, there are often a lot of so-called strange things that men and women encounter during blind dates. Upon closer inspection, it seems strange to them that the other person's behavior or words are nothing more than exaggerating the facts. Regardless of whether the speaker intends to exaggerate the facts or not, they are simply not in line with the speaker's values. From the perspective of the entire society, they are considered reasonable. The so-called discussion ultimately turned into venting, rising higher and higher, and ultimately turned into a bitter and bitter crusade.
Such scenes are truly ubiquitous in life, and the protagonists of these scenes share a common trait: paranoia. From the above three cases, it can be seen that the degree of paranoia in the characters in the cases is higher than one layer at a time. Most of the older young men and women have paranoid traits to some extent, and once a person has these paranoia, they are like a trackless train heading towards a no return path, unless one day they suddenly awaken and take the initiative to brake.
So what is paranoia? Baidu explains this: they feel extremely allergic and hold onto insults and injuries; Stubborn and rigid in thinking and behavior, sensitive and suspicious, and narrow-minded; Faced with major problems, one often becomes impulsive, subjective and arbitrary, and goes their own way. Paranoic people are often stubborn and suspicious, self righteous, always centered on themselves, and always believe that they have been treated unfairly. Without a sense of responsibility, one should judge one's own interests based on whether they have been harmed, shift responsibility to others, never self-examine, and immediately seek to retaliate when criticized. If someone harms others, they should take it calmly, and so on.
Are you very scared after seeing it?
A paranoid person may have a distorted perspective and starting point due to their mindset, which often affects the relationships between family, friends, and colleagues, as well as their career development. The height of a person's career and the harmony of their family depend entirely on the fullness of their personality when they reach a certain height. Even if you don't say anything about this, do you really want to marry a wife or a man? If this goal exists, your paranoia will cut off countless possible paths for you. You will only repeat past unsuccessful experiences and continue to achieve unsuccessful results; You will use your standards to demand the other party, so you cannot accept people and things that are different from you; You will become increasingly stubborn and picky, and fewer people will like and accept you. Look, a paranoid or paranoid personality really doesn't have any benefits for the goal of getting rid of singles.
If you realize your paranoia, is there still time for change?
A few months ago, I got together with a graduate roommate I hadn't seen for a long time. She was surprised by my changes and asked me if I still remember some words I said seven or eight years ago. After listening to those words, I opened my mouth wide and didn't realize for a while that those paranoid words were from me. She said yes, your creed was Sandy Lam's lyrics: I choose absolute or zero, not some or the middle. When I was reading, my roommates had a lot of arguments with my paranoid theories, "she said calmly. I wished I could find a way to get in and be ashamed of my immaturity. But now, I feel that whatever happens to me and what strange people I encounter have its rationality because it exists. I will still be sensitive and angry, but those points are getting higher and higher, easily unable to ignite me anymore. What increases my happiness index in sync with HI points. So, I want to tell everyone that paranoia can certainly be corrected, even if it has formed a paranoid personality disorder, it can still be corrected. The key to changing paranoia is actually in our own hands.
When I consult visitors, I often need to take a period of time to reach their point, and after the point is clicked, the other party is usually silent for a long time, and then they say to themselves, 'I don't want to be like this at all. How did I become such a person?'?
Most single paranoid individuals who have not yet achieved personality disorders have had some difficulties in their emotional journey, and may have also experienced several so-called strange things that have hurt them, to the extent that any slight disturbance now will reveal the scars of their past, becoming sensitive, suspicious, stubborn, and harsh. In fact, if we could change our mindset back then, view our emotional experiences with a more inclusive and positive attitude, not blame everything on the other person's mistakes, and repeatedly reinforce the lessons that mistakes have taught us, then we wouldn't go to the stage of paranoia.
We should see for ourselves that existing beliefs have hindered our growth, such as "Why did this man not change and still let me change?" "It's all her fault, I'm right." The reason you hold this belief is because of your previous experience of setbacks, and if you still focus on past events, these experiences are the stumbling blocks to your growth, But focusing on the future is a positive change. We all know that our conscious behavior is determined by subconscious beliefs, so you need to change the beliefs that hinder growth. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, my girlfriend's belief in the male netizen she has never met before is: using template letters=sending emails in groups=not taking a serious attitude towards mate selection. She uses a labeling method. So let's change the label: someone who uses a template to write a letter, because they want to improve efficiency and get to know you faster, it also indicates that they are a proactive person in choosing a spouse. We looked at the positive motives behind the matter from the back or deeper level, and upon seeing these, my girlfriend replied with joy. Not only that, but such behavior also needs to be extremely extended, establishing the idea of "I also want to become more proactive". Therefore, I encourage girls to actively send letters to boys on social networking networks, as this will increase the possibility of their own happiness. Thinking about the world being good enough for girls, girls just need to say a gentle sentence: Hello, I believe most boys only think 'Oh, good, this girl is interesting to me' instead of 'How can this girl send emails in groups?'
If you can't immediately apply the method of changing labels, then when you encounter any opinion you don't agree with, please take a deep breath and ask yourself a question: "Is it beneficial for me to stick to my ideas?" Ask multiple times, and you will have more time to listen to and digest different opinions. As you can tolerate more and more opinions, it means that you have gradually let go of your past biases, A calm and tolerant person naturally expands the comfort zone when interacting, and also naturally makes people more willing to get close. Of course, if you believe that despite persisting for so many years and becoming increasingly difficult, your persistence still brings you benefits, then you can also fully believe that you are paranoid. There are also many unmarried individuals in the world who have achieved one success after another in their careers with their paranoia.
Older young people will regret every harsh word they have said after marriage, not only because of those words, but also because their once paranoid self is so foolish that it hurts.
