I remember that when I was in the army more than 20 years ago, there was a senior who was very good at dealing with us, the new newcomers. All kinds of strict requirements made us go through hell every day and hated him very much. Finally, one day he was going to be discharged from the army. At that time, everyone was very happy and felt that the next day without him should be very relaxed and happy.
As a result, did I really enjoy myself later? Of course not, because there is another demon king after leaving, and he is actually in our army! The No.1 Devil didn't think he was hateful before. Now the No.1 enemy is gone, and the opposition between the No.1 Devil and the No.2 Devil becomes obvious.
Now think back, the No.1 Devil is not really bad, at least we will unite to fight against him. What does this funny experience tell us? I must be very realistic: external pressure cannot be completely removed.
Many people will say that my mother-in-law is responsible for my stress now. If I married another person at that time, I would be happy now. If the supervisor changed, I would be happy to work. This is just like that when I thought that the elder was not there, I would not be under pressure. The fact proved that there would still be other factors emerging as my new source of stress.
Pressure vs. pressure source
So, how should we decompress? Here, we should first clarify the pressure and pressure source:
The latter is external, while the former is internal; The latter is objective, while the former is subjective. External sources of pressure have always been there. People are always in a world full of pressure sources. No matter whether you are in Taiwan, the United States or Africa, no one is always smooth.
Regardless of work or family level, if you really don't have pressure, I suggest you move to an isolated island and never contact people for a lifetime. But even then, you still have to face your own life and death!
To take an extreme example, atmospheric pressure is also a pressure source. If there is no atmospheric pressure, we will all float up, just like in space, we can't stand on the ground properly, and we have to wear pressure clothes like astronauts, otherwise we will have serious consequences due to the imbalance of internal and external pressure.
Therefore, the key is not the source of pressure, but the pressure. A teacher gave two students the same homework with the same standards. One student thought it was a challenge, and the other student thought the teacher was finding fault.
Therefore, they both face the same source of pressure, but the pressure they feel subjectively is different: the students who feel that they are being criticized may be nervous, unhappy and insomnia, while the students who feel that they are challenged may be eager to try, even excited, because they are valued by teachers.
From this simple example, we can see that the source of stress has always existed, and everyone's inner pressure feeling is different.
Victor Frank, an Austrian psychologist of Jewish descent, is a master of psychology I admire very much.
He had experienced the Nazi Holocaust, and survived not only by suffering, but also by understanding the meaning of living and the true meaning of happiness. If people can have the right to joy in the most desperate moment (pressure source), it is equivalent to rejecting the idea that pain comes from outside (pressure); That is, people can determine their feelings (pressure).
He has a famous saying: there is a space between (external) stimulation and (our) response. In that space, we have the ability to choose the way of response. Growth and freedom are in our response. When you can identify a space between external stimuli (stressors) and your own reactions (pressures), mindfulness should cultivate this space. In this process, you can choose how to face the pressure source.
Although it is better to have less external pressure sources, it is impossible to have none at all. In fact, the so-called decompression is the pressure, not the pressure source. How much stress you have depends on how you view the source of stress. After knowing the existence of the stressor, we no longer want to resist or eliminate it all the time, but understand that it is a necessary part of human survival, and then face it and accept it. In the long run, it is the beginning of decompression. From external stressors to internal stressors, it involves how we view and interpret external stressors, and of course, it also involves the cycle of internal cognition, emotion and behavior. The specific content is what the mindfulness in this book will bring to you.