Post Date December, 03 2023
Some men confronted their teachers when they were in school, making their parents lament that they "never grow up"; They can't be a family when they set up a family, and their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't mediate their conflicts, so they are criticized by their wives as "immature"; After giving birth to children, they still talk about "my mother said" and lack assertiveness, like a child.
In modern society, there are more and more old men and cowards among men, which makes many women feel more and more like "men". According to a survey by a large marriage agency, 70% of unmarried women are dissatisfied with their boyfriends because of "weak character" and "no responsibility". There are roughly four reasons why men don't grow up.
Mother dotes on or is too strong. The Chinese family education model stresses "strict father and loving mother", the father is responsible for "teaching", and the mother is responsible for "raising". "Chinese maternal love" often fails to grasp the proper proportion, and love easily turns into doting, which makes boys weak and refuse to grow up. Many "pacifier men" have psychological age in infancy, that is, "psychological regression", which stems from the Oedipus complex, return consciousness, survival anxiety and reality escape. The reason may be that the mother is too strong, the family interaction mode is dominated by the mother, and the big and small things are decided by the mother, which affects the gender role orientation of the boy.
The family is over-protected. Modern parents are afraid of their children's worries. They do everything for their children. It is easy to form excessive protection, which makes their children's personality development unsound after adulthood, and they cannot make decisions independently. Many boys initially resent such protection, but if their parents insist, their children will not give up their dependence on such excessive protection.
Traditional educational concepts. Chinese people generally like obedient and well-behaved "good children". In order to meet their parents' requirements and gain more love and attention from their parents, many boys will stay at home and not be "wild children" or go crazy with "bad children". This will lead to the frustration of their interpersonal relationships, the inability to obtain support and security, and the loss of self-confidence in the process of socialization. Returning to maternal love will become the first choice. "My mother said" will naturally be on the lips.
I don't work hard. The society has a high position for men, which makes them choose to evade their responsibilities. At this time, parents will help to reduce the ways for men to grow up. They will not judge and make decisions when they are in trouble.
If a man wants to really grow up, he must first take the initiative to separate himself from his mother's excessive attention. A real man should take care of his mother as well as his wife and children, instead of being taken care of by his mother all the time. Take the initiative to undertake work tasks and enhance the sense of responsibility. An occasional self-help tour can not only relieve pressure, but also exercise your independence. When encountering difficulties, first of all, try to find ways for yourself rather than ask for help from your parents.
Secondly, parents should learn to let go. When children go out of school and start to face difficulties in finding jobs, finding objects, and taking care of their children, they should not intervene too much. Correctly treat the concept of "treason is the stage of growth", remove the constraints on children as early as possible, give them corresponding responsibilities, and guide children to grow. Don't just focus on learning, but also help boys improve their social skills.
Finally, the wife does not have to be aggrieved, but can establish a better family relationship through the adjustment of the interaction mode. Wives can often express their expectations and needs for their husbands and learn to show weakness and "shake hands". Enlarge the shining point of men, rather than complain all day long, let alone complain with little sisters, and hurt the self-esteem of the husband.
